Vanya
HALI
even the sky and sea cannot contain me
He’s closer, and I allow my eyes to shut. To pretend for a moment it’s eleven years ago, and the biggest, most frightening thing was going with him to a ball where all my brothers would meet him and harass him. “Like it always should have been,” I agree.
I listen quietly to the happiest part of the last ten years, and my eyes open, wet and glassy. I remember their first wedding, watching from the stars, giving them my blessing. I follow his gaze to Remi who holds our daughter still, and gratitude floods me like golden light. ”He did exactly as I asked of him at your first wedding—to love you as much as I love you. And so much more; he loves our baby as I would have, and there had been no greater comfort. He's done so much for us both.”
I turn my face into his shoulder a bit, taking a deep breath of him, holding onto how real and alive he is. He has to stay this way for a long time. I don’t want to see him enter Mort’s halls any time soon. But I want to hang onto this.
”I’ll always love you, you know.” I half smile, face still tucked against him. ”First love, last love and all that.” It's like I'm preserved, forever young and helplessly in love and excited to be a mother, made of the sea and the sky and the freedom that comes with such adventurous things. ”I never hurt in Mort’s halls. It’s… bliss that can't be described. But I can still long, can’t I? Remember?” I don’t add that sometimes, I think I’d come back if I could. I have a feeling of the sort of pain that could cause him.
I listen quietly to the happiest part of the last ten years, and my eyes open, wet and glassy. I remember their first wedding, watching from the stars, giving them my blessing. I follow his gaze to Remi who holds our daughter still, and gratitude floods me like golden light. ”He did exactly as I asked of him at your first wedding—to love you as much as I love you. And so much more; he loves our baby as I would have, and there had been no greater comfort. He's done so much for us both.”
I turn my face into his shoulder a bit, taking a deep breath of him, holding onto how real and alive he is. He has to stay this way for a long time. I don’t want to see him enter Mort’s halls any time soon. But I want to hang onto this.
”I’ll always love you, you know.” I half smile, face still tucked against him. ”First love, last love and all that.” It's like I'm preserved, forever young and helplessly in love and excited to be a mother, made of the sea and the sky and the freedom that comes with such adventurous things. ”I never hurt in Mort’s halls. It’s… bliss that can't be described. But I can still long, can’t I? Remember?” I don’t add that sometimes, I think I’d come back if I could. I have a feeling of the sort of pain that could cause him.
for i am endlessly free
