Ashe
i find myself here alone on this dusty road
waiting for a sign to point me home
waiting for a sign to point me home
Their laughter is a balm I didn’t know I was bleeding for, and when I laugh too—really laugh—it cracks something open in me that had long since gone quiet. It feels like sunlight pouring through old shutters, dust motes dancing in the warmth of it. I was so afraid. So. Afraid. But now the memories rush in like light after a decade of winter. I haven’t felt this kind of warmth since before Kalt vanished from my world like smoke.
All I can feel is love—love in the truest, fiercest sense. Love like a tide that won’t recede. Acceptance, forgiveness, grace: they settle in my bones like heat after frostbite. It’s Remi. I know it’s him. I can feel him in the marrow of it, and I drink it in like someone who’s been wandering a desert. Years—years—of silence and sorrow and solitude unravel at once, and I don’t know how to carry them anymore. I’m crying—trying not to, but I am. My body trembles, but less now, like a storm that’s finally begun to pass. My heart still races, but breathing feels… possible. Like a door cracked open in a sealed room.
I breathe them in. The way they smell, the weight of them—real and present. A tether I didn’t know I still had.
Don’t, Remi says to my apology, and it breaks something else loose. Like forgiveness isn’t even necessary. Like there was never anything to forgive. I didn’t know they’d disappeared too—but I don’t blame them. How could I? They’d lost so much, maybe more than I ever did.
“I’m here,” I repeat, the words rising with a calm certainty I didn’t expect. “For good. I didn’t realize you’d both gone away too.”
And then I laugh again—sharp and bright, ringing like a bell over water—at crab-kicker. It’s what I told Theea to call him. I remember declaring we’d serve crab legs at my wedding, just to assert dominance. That was right after he spun me into death and we’d both spilled over into the sea. Gods. That memory had gathered dust in a place I hadn’t touched in years.
I pinch Ronin lightly, hiding my face against his chest with a breathless laugh. “Clearly has gone to your head! I’m still me.” And when he straightens, I do too, wiping the tears from my cheeks as I look up at him. “I know you’re the White Knight and all,” I say, lips twitching into something fond and exasperated, “but… you kick crabs. Innocent crabs. All the way down the beach.”
I glance between them again, and my eyes sting with the weight of it—of them. “I was away too long,” I breathe. “It’s really amazing to see you.” To be seen, I don't add. Just hearing my name is something I didn't know I needed.
I nudge at the sand with my boot, watching the grains shift. A few stray, nervous sparks leap and skitter across my shoulders like startled fireflies. “I’ve tried to keep up with your exploits. Told Theea all your stories. Word travels fast. But I still missed…” My voice trails off as I shake my head. “Everything.”
All I can feel is love—love in the truest, fiercest sense. Love like a tide that won’t recede. Acceptance, forgiveness, grace: they settle in my bones like heat after frostbite. It’s Remi. I know it’s him. I can feel him in the marrow of it, and I drink it in like someone who’s been wandering a desert. Years—years—of silence and sorrow and solitude unravel at once, and I don’t know how to carry them anymore. I’m crying—trying not to, but I am. My body trembles, but less now, like a storm that’s finally begun to pass. My heart still races, but breathing feels… possible. Like a door cracked open in a sealed room.
I breathe them in. The way they smell, the weight of them—real and present. A tether I didn’t know I still had.
Don’t, Remi says to my apology, and it breaks something else loose. Like forgiveness isn’t even necessary. Like there was never anything to forgive. I didn’t know they’d disappeared too—but I don’t blame them. How could I? They’d lost so much, maybe more than I ever did.
“I’m here,” I repeat, the words rising with a calm certainty I didn’t expect. “For good. I didn’t realize you’d both gone away too.”
And then I laugh again—sharp and bright, ringing like a bell over water—at crab-kicker. It’s what I told Theea to call him. I remember declaring we’d serve crab legs at my wedding, just to assert dominance. That was right after he spun me into death and we’d both spilled over into the sea. Gods. That memory had gathered dust in a place I hadn’t touched in years.
I pinch Ronin lightly, hiding my face against his chest with a breathless laugh. “Clearly has gone to your head! I’m still me.” And when he straightens, I do too, wiping the tears from my cheeks as I look up at him. “I know you’re the White Knight and all,” I say, lips twitching into something fond and exasperated, “but… you kick crabs. Innocent crabs. All the way down the beach.”
I glance between them again, and my eyes sting with the weight of it—of them. “I was away too long,” I breathe. “It’s really amazing to see you.” To be seen, I don't add. Just hearing my name is something I didn't know I needed.
I nudge at the sand with my boot, watching the grains shift. A few stray, nervous sparks leap and skitter across my shoulders like startled fireflies. “I’ve tried to keep up with your exploits. Told Theea all your stories. Word travels fast. But I still missed…” My voice trails off as I shake my head. “Everything.”
i'll close my eyes and put my feet to the ground
'cause when i'm lost, i don't want to be found
'cause when i'm lost, i don't want to be found
