With every broken bone, I swear I lived
Sensing the shift in his regard, she realized she was doing it again. Changing the narrative to revolve around her, when Noah was the one who needed to talk, and process, and be reassured. Yes, he'd nearly killed her, but he had also saved her life. Made the impossible happen by somehow bringing them here, to safety, half a world away. She should be the one to reassure him - but as usual she didn't know what to say.
There were bitemarks indented into the skin of the arm she extended towards him. Patting his arm awkwardly, she couldn't quite manage a smile, but did her best to actually meet his gaze. Her eyes remained flat, still distant - unreadable as sea fog - but at least she was listening. Moving. That was good, right?
"It's fine. I'll be alright. I don't blame you - I'm not mad." Not at him. The undercurrent of disgust was directed entirely at herself, who kept repeating the same mistakes without ever learning from them. Thalassa was right, and Asta was right, and Danta too; so many voices were saying the same things and it took having her head nearly split open for it to sink in.
"I need to go home." And she'd stay there. Would keep to her books and build on the house and stop pretending that she was capable of anything else. Next time she felt compelled to spar she would go to a training ground, or run a few times around the house, and then go back to the reading and the chores and stay within reach of Liam, who was far more adept at judging what a sane course of action would be.
Because all evidence pointed to her being unable to see that. She definitely had a screw loose somewhere; nothing else made sense at this point.
Which meant she had to get home where no one would get hurt by her. Which meant that she needed Noah to be okay. "Are you okay? Did I hurt you?" That should have been her first question. Fuck, what a selfish piece of shit she was. Gotta do better, girl. A whole lot better.
There were bitemarks indented into the skin of the arm she extended towards him. Patting his arm awkwardly, she couldn't quite manage a smile, but did her best to actually meet his gaze. Her eyes remained flat, still distant - unreadable as sea fog - but at least she was listening. Moving. That was good, right?
"It's fine. I'll be alright. I don't blame you - I'm not mad." Not at him. The undercurrent of disgust was directed entirely at herself, who kept repeating the same mistakes without ever learning from them. Thalassa was right, and Asta was right, and Danta too; so many voices were saying the same things and it took having her head nearly split open for it to sink in.
"I need to go home." And she'd stay there. Would keep to her books and build on the house and stop pretending that she was capable of anything else. Next time she felt compelled to spar she would go to a training ground, or run a few times around the house, and then go back to the reading and the chores and stay within reach of Liam, who was far more adept at judging what a sane course of action would be.
Because all evidence pointed to her being unable to see that. She definitely had a screw loose somewhere; nothing else made sense at this point.
Which meant she had to get home where no one would get hurt by her. Which meant that she needed Noah to be okay. "Are you okay? Did I hurt you?" That should have been her first question. Fuck, what a selfish piece of shit she was. Gotta do better, girl. A whole lot better.
maea
