Honey wherever you go, I know
”No.” The first certain, loud thing he’s managed for what feels like the year that he’s been falling off the top of the world. Time doesn’t seem like it should keep so much weight with her when he can’t even tell the difference between minutes and years now. ”No, the water’s fine,” he clarifies with a fainter voice, strength coming and going like a breeze through him. He would not like to tarnish all the places he fell in love with her with this. Best to add it to all the reasons he hates the sand. Maybe then he could just stick his head under the water too.
When he’d decided he’d be willing to ruin everything that mattered to him to be with her, he didn’t really think that meant all of him too. Not this fast anyway.
”I don’t know,” he says as they move, the pace becoming something that strikes him as distant, the way the fold of her hand is a touch he can’t quite feel any more. Why can’t he feel anything anymore? He’s outside of it, watching this Kaisel and this Flora walk like there’s something still worth heading to. ”I want to say no, but I—I don’t know.” Her earlier question, he means, one he’s been silently picking apart. ”I’ve never—I’ve never had to make that choice, or feel that kind of hurt.” Maybe she’d teach him.
”I just know, I’m willing to give you everything,” All that he has, at least. He glances over at her, and even now, tear-soaked and brittle, she manages to set something shimmering in him. It’s an ache too deep for him to properly get a handle on it, but it shifts towards her whenever she’s near, drawn like an unseen force he can’t escape, sensible as it might be to.
He begins to list them off, just in case it isn’t clear, and each once starts to pull out quieter and more afraid, because imagining them now, when Jack’s shadow is cast over them, feels like a horror instead of a romance, loss instead of gain. ”Time that would be all the years ahead of us,” because he can’t conjure ones that have already passed. ”Adventures all over Caido…to see the whales, and the lights in the sky, and naps over clouds.” That, and more, whatever they could dream up. ”Happiness built up in our home, dances in the kitchen, games every night, laughing until we run out of air.” Arguments over silly things they’d make serious, and serious arguments they’d turn silly under the weight of their love.
He doesn't know how to give her any more than all of it, so if it isn't enough, then he's got nothing left.
When he’d decided he’d be willing to ruin everything that mattered to him to be with her, he didn’t really think that meant all of him too. Not this fast anyway.
”I don’t know,” he says as they move, the pace becoming something that strikes him as distant, the way the fold of her hand is a touch he can’t quite feel any more. Why can’t he feel anything anymore? He’s outside of it, watching this Kaisel and this Flora walk like there’s something still worth heading to. ”I want to say no, but I—I don’t know.” Her earlier question, he means, one he’s been silently picking apart. ”I’ve never—I’ve never had to make that choice, or feel that kind of hurt.” Maybe she’d teach him.
”I just know, I’m willing to give you everything,” All that he has, at least. He glances over at her, and even now, tear-soaked and brittle, she manages to set something shimmering in him. It’s an ache too deep for him to properly get a handle on it, but it shifts towards her whenever she’s near, drawn like an unseen force he can’t escape, sensible as it might be to.
He begins to list them off, just in case it isn’t clear, and each once starts to pull out quieter and more afraid, because imagining them now, when Jack’s shadow is cast over them, feels like a horror instead of a romance, loss instead of gain. ”Time that would be all the years ahead of us,” because he can’t conjure ones that have already passed. ”Adventures all over Caido…to see the whales, and the lights in the sky, and naps over clouds.” That, and more, whatever they could dream up. ”Happiness built up in our home, dances in the kitchen, games every night, laughing until we run out of air.” Arguments over silly things they’d make serious, and serious arguments they’d turn silly under the weight of their love.
He doesn't know how to give her any more than all of it, so if it isn't enough, then he's got nothing left.
Kaisel
I'd give up half of forever, just to be with you
Wearing a watery blue, faded and stretched-out sparkling hair tie on his left wrist
