I'm not giving up, kicking off the rust
It's effort to not just leap across the distance and send both of them to the ground swinging. He'd prefer it, not to give Koa more pain to stack up, but for the comfort in all the familiar edges of a fist. Something they could wear themselves out on, until they're too weary and bruised to work the sound of their voice. Something to save both of them from the sort of hits that land deeper, stay longer. Even if Kaisel would lose, he usually does against Koa, it'd be better than this glaring, bristling, knife match of words.
Where Koa has settled, Kaisel has lingered in the sumersault of anger, still tumbling over accusations he can't stomach, least of all coming from Koa. "Because you already had everyone you needed," he snaps back, shoving against the pain he hears like he doesn't want it touching him any more. Once, it would have been Koa. Once, not so long ago, Kaisel would have shoved Koa out the door and closed it shut on him, waiting until the knocking stopped and the idiot walked to her house. Once, it had been that simple.
A line in his face softens at the next sound Koa makes though, evidence of all the quiet ways he continues to love her, the ones that are too worn thin to send him walking through Torchline in the dead of night. That's just it, though. Koa would have gone for Noe. Soh too (?) Just like Kaisel's dad would for his mom, Remi and Ronin for each other, and all the other versions of it he's seen. Who'd rush in for Flora?
As long as he can remember, Kaisel's been playing third wheel. Koa and Noe are the closest he's got to siblings, but he doesn't doubt they'd pick each other over him every time. And as much as he loves Koa, he's always chasing him—age alone has always kept Koa ahead of him, so he's never fully next to him, always above, always better. Kaisel feels loved and protected from all his family, absolutely, but he also always feels like a tag-along, like if it comes down to it, his side would not be the first one any of them run to in a moment of need. He never felt like that with Flora. It'd just been them, and for the first time, that had been enough.
Kaisel swallows, the anger rushing away like vision and balance does after standing up too fast. He eases back onto his heels, not quite sure how to explain in a way that won't hurt. So, he chooses not to. Not today anyway.
He glances up at the finality edging into Koa's voice, the same curt end to a meeting that's no longer favorable. Kaisel huffs out a breath, shoulders slouching forward as he shoves his hands in his pant pockets. "Yeah, alright," he says flatly, despite the reluctance in his posture. A frown slants in over the caution that leans through the rest of him, because he doesn't really want to walk away from this with it left this way, but Koa has found some sort of ground to stand on and Kaisel is certain anything else he says will just continue to remove it. Another day perhaps, he could explain further, after Koa's had time to think on it more. Besides, he doesn't know how to explain that something can still be important to him when he's walking away from it, or tell Koa without wounding him further that this exact reaction is part of why he doesn't want to come back.
"I'll see you at the masquerade," he offers instead, like notching something into their future will make this ending feel better. He grabs his half-done cloak and goes, something he'll work on later.
[FIN]
Where Koa has settled, Kaisel has lingered in the sumersault of anger, still tumbling over accusations he can't stomach, least of all coming from Koa. "Because you already had everyone you needed," he snaps back, shoving against the pain he hears like he doesn't want it touching him any more. Once, it would have been Koa. Once, not so long ago, Kaisel would have shoved Koa out the door and closed it shut on him, waiting until the knocking stopped and the idiot walked to her house. Once, it had been that simple.
A line in his face softens at the next sound Koa makes though, evidence of all the quiet ways he continues to love her, the ones that are too worn thin to send him walking through Torchline in the dead of night. That's just it, though. Koa would have gone for Noe. Soh too (?) Just like Kaisel's dad would for his mom, Remi and Ronin for each other, and all the other versions of it he's seen. Who'd rush in for Flora?
As long as he can remember, Kaisel's been playing third wheel. Koa and Noe are the closest he's got to siblings, but he doesn't doubt they'd pick each other over him every time. And as much as he loves Koa, he's always chasing him—age alone has always kept Koa ahead of him, so he's never fully next to him, always above, always better. Kaisel feels loved and protected from all his family, absolutely, but he also always feels like a tag-along, like if it comes down to it, his side would not be the first one any of them run to in a moment of need. He never felt like that with Flora. It'd just been them, and for the first time, that had been enough.
Kaisel swallows, the anger rushing away like vision and balance does after standing up too fast. He eases back onto his heels, not quite sure how to explain in a way that won't hurt. So, he chooses not to. Not today anyway.
He glances up at the finality edging into Koa's voice, the same curt end to a meeting that's no longer favorable. Kaisel huffs out a breath, shoulders slouching forward as he shoves his hands in his pant pockets. "Yeah, alright," he says flatly, despite the reluctance in his posture. A frown slants in over the caution that leans through the rest of him, because he doesn't really want to walk away from this with it left this way, but Koa has found some sort of ground to stand on and Kaisel is certain anything else he says will just continue to remove it. Another day perhaps, he could explain further, after Koa's had time to think on it more. Besides, he doesn't know how to explain that something can still be important to him when he's walking away from it, or tell Koa without wounding him further that this exact reaction is part of why he doesn't want to come back.
"I'll see you at the masquerade," he offers instead, like notching something into their future will make this ending feel better. He grabs his half-done cloak and goes, something he'll work on later.
[FIN]
Kaisel
I keep acting tough but maybe I'm not good enough
Wearing a watery blue, faded and stretched-out sparkling hair tie on his left wrist
