no bullies or bums, the chums are tens here

Mateo

champagne, cocaine, gasoline
and most things in between

Smug as a smug thing - even with the hard elbow to his ribs that puts him at risk of spilling his drink - Mateo manages to wheeze a laugh as Flora flounces away. "Non è colpa mia se ho ragione," he hisses after her, having to put his mai tai down to catch his breath, which is about when everything starts to get real mushy between his parents, his sister and his beau.

It's impossible to be a fifth wheel when you ride a unicycle though, so the botanist merely collects up his drink (when he can inhale comfortably again) and Flora's and swans off into the dining room without them. "I will be ready for taste testing whenever you are finished tasting each other," he calls over his shoulder, preparing to get very merrily liquored up just in case things do go south.

Increasingly unlikely, he knows, but the night isn't over yet. There's still time.

I roam the city in a shopping cart
a pack of Camels and a smoke alarm