Heart is buried six feet in the ground, gonna need a shovel now
The glass remains in her hand, held onto like a lifeboat that's discovered her lost out at sea treading water for hours. With it already refilled, she lifts it up for smaller sips now, using the movement to distract her focus into something other than the corners of her own thoughts for some blessed relief as she waits to hear the answer he's gathering. Although her gaze is strung across the room to the opposite wall, she doesn't see much beyond the unfocused haze of the cup in her hands, and the subtle motion of him turning to look at her.
Her eyes flicks over to him, head turning just enough to keep the view from hurting, and after a blink or two he even stops being blurry on the edges. Surprise lifts up some of the edges of her face when he confesses he has. She'd thrown the question out halfheartedly, not expecting much, but it's one of those things partially said like an impossible joke, and partially a secret and risky wonder. She tilts her glass back to her lips in patient expectation. He doesn't disappoint.
She's seen a tour of all his scars before, but there's plenty on the inside she doesn't get to lay her eyes on, the sort that are buried in mind and breath. Nate is one such mark she knows he carries, and though he's little more than a name for her, she can guess the weight of it for Sunjata, even after all this time. "Mm, surprising how hard it can be to keep your own word once your heart gets involved." Traitorous bitch that it is. It's part of why the idea of giving it up to a god sounds appealing about now. If she can't be trusted to keep it safe, for her own sake, maybe Frey could pull it out of her and put it somewhere else where it wouldn't just get handed over to a set of blue eyes and a dangerous smile again.
Then again...the gods own enough of her already. Every action and choice on display for them, so to willingly hand over something else seems like a bad deal. So does her current state though too. Luckily today is not a day for making decisions. Today is just for seeing through to tomorrow.
"She's gone?" Colt doesn't have the capacity to rouse the proper worry over this news, but it does flare bright and brief for a moment. She turns to look at him more fully, drink lowering into her lap, 'brow furrowing. "Sunjata, I'm...so sorry. That sounds, awful." Hotaru isn't someone she knows well, but all this time she's known his partner to be the kind to lose herself into big projects and ideas. It's the first time she's ever seen him seem worried though. "Let me know if I can help," she murmurs, hair fluffing around her head on the couch as she shifts her head back to a straight position, the view of the cabin laid out before her on the wall.
A sound that's not really a breath, just a sudden, forceful push of air cracks from her lips. Caught it, like it's a damn disease. "Yeah..." she agrees after a pause, frown scoring deeper. "Worst part is, I knew better. I knew, and it still happened. I don't know how to deal with that. Like I'm at war with myself and no matter what, I'm losing." She lifts her gaze to the ceiling briefly, as though offering a prayer, and if she is maybe it's for the return of some sanity. She shakes her head faintly, then takes one last sip before putting the glass back on the table and leaning in to sink against the side of him on the couch, hollow stare on the wall ahead.
"I barely survived the last time this happened to me. I still bang myself up on the memories of him...my husband from my twenties, Clyde." She sighs, a long and whistling sound through the still puffy sinuses irritated with tears. "I'm not sure how I can manage to make it through this again." She would, but right now it feels like such a monumental feat that she can't fathom as anything but impossible.
Her eyes flicks over to him, head turning just enough to keep the view from hurting, and after a blink or two he even stops being blurry on the edges. Surprise lifts up some of the edges of her face when he confesses he has. She'd thrown the question out halfheartedly, not expecting much, but it's one of those things partially said like an impossible joke, and partially a secret and risky wonder. She tilts her glass back to her lips in patient expectation. He doesn't disappoint.
She's seen a tour of all his scars before, but there's plenty on the inside she doesn't get to lay her eyes on, the sort that are buried in mind and breath. Nate is one such mark she knows he carries, and though he's little more than a name for her, she can guess the weight of it for Sunjata, even after all this time. "Mm, surprising how hard it can be to keep your own word once your heart gets involved." Traitorous bitch that it is. It's part of why the idea of giving it up to a god sounds appealing about now. If she can't be trusted to keep it safe, for her own sake, maybe Frey could pull it out of her and put it somewhere else where it wouldn't just get handed over to a set of blue eyes and a dangerous smile again.
Then again...the gods own enough of her already. Every action and choice on display for them, so to willingly hand over something else seems like a bad deal. So does her current state though too. Luckily today is not a day for making decisions. Today is just for seeing through to tomorrow.
"She's gone?" Colt doesn't have the capacity to rouse the proper worry over this news, but it does flare bright and brief for a moment. She turns to look at him more fully, drink lowering into her lap, 'brow furrowing. "Sunjata, I'm...so sorry. That sounds, awful." Hotaru isn't someone she knows well, but all this time she's known his partner to be the kind to lose herself into big projects and ideas. It's the first time she's ever seen him seem worried though. "Let me know if I can help," she murmurs, hair fluffing around her head on the couch as she shifts her head back to a straight position, the view of the cabin laid out before her on the wall.
A sound that's not really a breath, just a sudden, forceful push of air cracks from her lips. Caught it, like it's a damn disease. "Yeah..." she agrees after a pause, frown scoring deeper. "Worst part is, I knew better. I knew, and it still happened. I don't know how to deal with that. Like I'm at war with myself and no matter what, I'm losing." She lifts her gaze to the ceiling briefly, as though offering a prayer, and if she is maybe it's for the return of some sanity. She shakes her head faintly, then takes one last sip before putting the glass back on the table and leaning in to sink against the side of him on the couch, hollow stare on the wall ahead.
"I barely survived the last time this happened to me. I still bang myself up on the memories of him...my husband from my twenties, Clyde." She sighs, a long and whistling sound through the still puffy sinuses irritated with tears. "I'm not sure how I can manage to make it through this again." She would, but right now it feels like such a monumental feat that she can't fathom as anything but impossible.
Colt
Maybe one day I'll get back the rhythm in my chest
Received a Gilded Market wig from Remi that resembles her usual hair and is enchanted to stay on better than most wigs | has a reverse centaur tattoo on her left hand with the legs going down her pointer and middle fingers that looks like this.
