Caught red-handed being selfish, she can only slap down the apology he's owed, everything else draining clean out of her. In place of it all, a quiet, unmistakable dread creeps in instead. A gripping worry that she's done bad enough by him that she very well might lose him too, all confidence in their friendship thoroughly shaken by the fact she can't seem to read any situation right anymore. Thalassa had started that needlework in her, and Vesper had made a butchering of it, and now all she's left with is the complete ruins of her trust and sensibilities, in herself more than anyone else.
She kissed Thal. She misread Vesper. She upset Thorn.
Instead of stiffening at the outcry of his frustration, she folds further, hands dropping to try and smooth against her pants. The motion tries to do more, deeper inside for her, but it doesn't reach her much. "I—I know," she admits, head dropping, avoiding the look of him now. "I didn't tell you on purpose," she says softly, the truth strained, aware that it's no good even when she says it. The things make sense, in the moment, inside her head, but put out into the world they sound like idiot fantasies. "I—I never, wanted to kiss Thal at that party. I mean I did, in that moment, weirdly, but not before and not after. It freaked me out, so I had to get out." Fuck's sake, she sounds insane. She wouldn't blame him one bit if he just flipped her off and walked away now.
With a tired sigh, aimed entirely at herself, she withdraws her sunglasses and tosses them to the counter with the tequila. She drags her gaze back up to him as his retreat shifts suddenly. He's moving towards her now with such intent, the look of a storm brewing in his features and his voice, the sort she's never seen on him before. She draws in a strangled breath, aware she deserves to stand in the path of it, but reflexively dodging more hurt. She backs up, one hand held out for balance towards the counter, knocking free a small avalanche of utensils and one clattering pot. "I'M A MESS!" she shouts over the sound of the chaos, all of it barely seeming to register for her, too similar to the noise inside her head as of late. "I'm a fucking mess, Thorn, I'm sorry!" Her lip quivers with the force of it, but she draws herself up a little fuller now, stopping as her hand threatens to topple more kitchen scenery. "Always have been, always will be." There's no pride in that, but a smidge of acceptance. That she's still too broken, even after all this time, and she best embrace how fucked up she is now, and he better too, or else they'll keep being disappointed.
Quieter, she adds, "S'why I'm not cut out for being loved." Not the kind that leaves someone beside you at the end of the world, at least. "It's why V—" She catches suddenly on his name, the sound of that first letter drawn out. She hasn't said his name yet, trips over just the thought of it. Blinking back the threat of tears at just the sound, she opts for, "why he's fully gone now. Didn't mean nothing, in the end."
She kissed Thal. She misread Vesper. She upset Thorn.
Instead of stiffening at the outcry of his frustration, she folds further, hands dropping to try and smooth against her pants. The motion tries to do more, deeper inside for her, but it doesn't reach her much. "I—I know," she admits, head dropping, avoiding the look of him now. "I didn't tell you on purpose," she says softly, the truth strained, aware that it's no good even when she says it. The things make sense, in the moment, inside her head, but put out into the world they sound like idiot fantasies. "I—I never, wanted to kiss Thal at that party. I mean I did, in that moment, weirdly, but not before and not after. It freaked me out, so I had to get out." Fuck's sake, she sounds insane. She wouldn't blame him one bit if he just flipped her off and walked away now.
With a tired sigh, aimed entirely at herself, she withdraws her sunglasses and tosses them to the counter with the tequila. She drags her gaze back up to him as his retreat shifts suddenly. He's moving towards her now with such intent, the look of a storm brewing in his features and his voice, the sort she's never seen on him before. She draws in a strangled breath, aware she deserves to stand in the path of it, but reflexively dodging more hurt. She backs up, one hand held out for balance towards the counter, knocking free a small avalanche of utensils and one clattering pot. "I'M A MESS!" she shouts over the sound of the chaos, all of it barely seeming to register for her, too similar to the noise inside her head as of late. "I'm a fucking mess, Thorn, I'm sorry!" Her lip quivers with the force of it, but she draws herself up a little fuller now, stopping as her hand threatens to topple more kitchen scenery. "Always have been, always will be." There's no pride in that, but a smidge of acceptance. That she's still too broken, even after all this time, and she best embrace how fucked up she is now, and he better too, or else they'll keep being disappointed.
Quieter, she adds, "S'why I'm not cut out for being loved." Not the kind that leaves someone beside you at the end of the world, at least. "It's why V—" She catches suddenly on his name, the sound of that first letter drawn out. She hasn't said his name yet, trips over just the thought of it. Blinking back the threat of tears at just the sound, she opts for, "why he's fully gone now. Didn't mean nothing, in the end."
Colt
Received a Gilded Market wig from Remi that resembles her usual hair and is enchanted to stay on better than most wigs | has a reverse centaur tattoo on her left hand with the legs going down her pointer and middle fingers that looks like this.
