Heart is buried six feet in the ground, gonna need a shovel now
It's difficult to truly put yourself in someone else's shoes when you're not the same size. Maybe you can get in them, if they're bigger, but they won't wear the same. You can try, if they're smaller, but it's not the same. It maybe should have been more obvious to her, given that she's the one doing the calling, but she's never given it much thought as to what being called is like. As Sunjata explains though, it's clear it's not so pleasant as a knock on your front door, giving you time to call out an I'm coming! and let yourself wrap up whatever task before hurrying to the handle. It's an instant, displacing tug, and without warning. "The shower?!" she says with a touch of surprise, one that lingers and settles into a wider gasp of concern. "Imagine you're taking a shit, that's way worse!" Well, now she's half a mind to never summon anyone ever again, which was already going to be the case for Vesper, but she didn't need to make Sunjata's nightmares come to fruition either.
His question doesn't earn an immediate answer. In part because she's still trying to edge around all the thorns of her thoughts on this matter without drawing more blood than she needs to. Even when she settles though, she doesn't speak to it, though her jaw works over the words like a sour candy that can't stay against one cheek too long. Despite the current state of her and how openly broken she's already been, there's something really vulnerable about explaining all this in actuality to Sunjata. Friendships have certain roles, and while no friend can entirely be everything for someone, this would be a new assignment to Sunjata's typical role. She breathes in, chest stretching with the depth, and on the blow of her exhale she decides.
"I was seeing—we were—I had a—Vesper." She struggles to label what it had been, and in an exasperation to spit it out just throws out his name like that should be explanation enough. The sound of it is like ice crystals building up in her blood, and for a moment she freezes as the crisp and painful crawl of it spreads through her. Her pulse thumps like a warren of rabbits unleashed in her chest, feet stamping out her ribs with each heartbeat. After a moment, sighing through her nose with a slowness to keep her body from shifting too much, she recovers enough to continue. "He's been at the Grounds all season, so I..." She runs a hand through her hair again, composure threatening to leave her as she hovers too long and too loud over this particular pain point. A shame of truth, not in her actions, but in her feelings, which feel so blatantly wasted now. "I—I missed him. A lot. I was frustrated more and more, so I tried to...y'know, take care of myself, make a little happiness where I could." Color finds a seat up her neck, less from embarassment than the recollection of a moment that's still weirdly adored and loathed now. "I couldn't, finish, though. So I channeled him."
She doesn't say anything for a minute, then just sniffles and runs her palm over her eyes. "Anyway, he helped me. It cost everything though, because when I went up to see him it—" She heaves a shuddering breath and can't say any more about it, not right now, grief thickening in her throat as fresh tears well up and over again. The rest becomes a distant sort of din, to swept up in a fresh undertow of loss. One of her hands grips around his leg, clinging like he's the only buoy out here in this turbulent sea right now.
His question doesn't earn an immediate answer. In part because she's still trying to edge around all the thorns of her thoughts on this matter without drawing more blood than she needs to. Even when she settles though, she doesn't speak to it, though her jaw works over the words like a sour candy that can't stay against one cheek too long. Despite the current state of her and how openly broken she's already been, there's something really vulnerable about explaining all this in actuality to Sunjata. Friendships have certain roles, and while no friend can entirely be everything for someone, this would be a new assignment to Sunjata's typical role. She breathes in, chest stretching with the depth, and on the blow of her exhale she decides.
"I was seeing—we were—I had a—Vesper." She struggles to label what it had been, and in an exasperation to spit it out just throws out his name like that should be explanation enough. The sound of it is like ice crystals building up in her blood, and for a moment she freezes as the crisp and painful crawl of it spreads through her. Her pulse thumps like a warren of rabbits unleashed in her chest, feet stamping out her ribs with each heartbeat. After a moment, sighing through her nose with a slowness to keep her body from shifting too much, she recovers enough to continue. "He's been at the Grounds all season, so I..." She runs a hand through her hair again, composure threatening to leave her as she hovers too long and too loud over this particular pain point. A shame of truth, not in her actions, but in her feelings, which feel so blatantly wasted now. "I—I missed him. A lot. I was frustrated more and more, so I tried to...y'know, take care of myself, make a little happiness where I could." Color finds a seat up her neck, less from embarassment than the recollection of a moment that's still weirdly adored and loathed now. "I couldn't, finish, though. So I channeled him."
She doesn't say anything for a minute, then just sniffles and runs her palm over her eyes. "Anyway, he helped me. It cost everything though, because when I went up to see him it—" She heaves a shuddering breath and can't say any more about it, not right now, grief thickening in her throat as fresh tears well up and over again. The rest becomes a distant sort of din, to swept up in a fresh undertow of loss. One of her hands grips around his leg, clinging like he's the only buoy out here in this turbulent sea right now.
Colt
Maybe one day I'll get back the rhythm in my chest
Received a Gilded Market wig from Remi that resembles her usual hair and is enchanted to stay on better than most wigs | has a reverse centaur tattoo on her left hand with the legs going down her pointer and middle fingers that looks like this.
