melita
Some part of her wished she hadn’t noticed the hesitation, that slight surprise before he took her too. It would’ve made her life easier; to be wholly ignorant and unaware, but also horrendously unfair, and she would have to wrestle, toy, claw at the latter rustling against her bones. To be better or offer herself more or something that wouldn’t equate to him being stunned by her affection – because that was sad and pathetic too. That she’d offered so little. That she’d rather be chased or initiate boundless chaos than give. Which, she supposed, had been true enough for so long in every other circumstance that it was far more natural to run and leap and bound and twist a knife into the world than grant intimacy, trust, or warmth. She felt half-inclined to apologize, but didn’t know how to word it.
Pushing the irritation down into her ribs, to fuse with every other molten thing clinging to her sides, her attention flickered over to where the companions had gone, shaking her head as the brush and leaves moved, skimming, tracing to where her bra had been tossed and snorting. “First time for everything I suppose,” she teased, sticking her tongue out on instinct and familiarity, gaze on him for a little longer than necessary, hiding a sigh in between her ribs. “I didn’t see much of it either. Just that it was different from everywhere else. I’d go back there,” arching her brow, then smiling as she tossed her dress over her shoulder and used the picnic blanket as some sort of modesty robe; aware it was silly after what they’d just done, but feeling a bit more regal and refined with it on instead of just exposed and stupid internally. “How did the tower building thing go?” Conversation, and being insatiably nosey, to hide herself within while she tended to whatever ignorance she’d wrought again.
Then she was snagging at food containers too, uncertain what his response would be to her inquiry, glancing upward once his shock and bewilderment echoed again (gods that was a long and unbearable pause). Presuming she was fucking up everywhere in the vicinity of a couple of moments, she clenched her jaw, brain striving to figure out how to warp all that back. To witness his surprise turn into excitement, rather than outright refusal, was a welcome reprieve, and she unfurled a long breath, some penchant of relief. Staggering around what they’d been trying to create, especially when it was built on other foundations, left her dumbfounded at best; but her features altered into a grin instead of all the dread haunting her mind. “Okay, good. I’ll ask him later.”
She could hear Sila granting a low hoot and signal, over the other grumbles or barks, and she scooped up as much as she could in her arms – the call to a race already brimming across her tongue, trying to restore order. “Last one there has to wash all the dishes!”
salvation doesn't look like light
