How do I keep myself from fallin' apart when I ain't never felt part of a whole?
Her head is dizzy on withheld emotions, on confusion that hasn’t had time to settle from the moment she awoke to her headlong rush to King’s End. She isn’t really sure if she’s even breathing - certainly not adequately. To her, it has been a few nightmarish days, and the only reason she doesn’t resort to older and crueler tendencies is because she loves Sunjata so painfully much. Context, fairness, expectations…they don’t matter in the end. All that does is his decision.
She backs away at the same pace that he moves closer, ensuring distance remains for both of their sakes. Her arms wrap around her midsection, hiding where her nails dig painfully into her sides. Literally holding herself together as she stares unblinking at his heart as it’s boxed away.
His words are cruel in their dismissiveness, and her heart leaps with panic at the lack of options he gives her to try and do anything. Perhaps not remedy it, but not even to assert her continued devotion while she waits? “Wait just - no, I don’t want -” the house if you’re not in it. It’s just walls and floors if he’s not here with here. Would rejecting the offer make him angrier? She knows she won’t be able to stay the moment he walks out that door. It would be torture she’d never withstand. So instead of senselessly pleading she tries to make sense of the crumbling going on inside her chest to make use of what will clearly be the last few moments she has with him…for however long. “Can I…write? Sunjata please I don’t…I don’t want you to think I’m still gone,” she rushes through teeth that threaten to chatter. Holding onto her strength of will by her fingernails. His full name feels wrong and ashen in her mouth. “I’ll stay away. I’ll wait. I’ll do anything, just…please. Give me something so that I can try.” Tears burn in her eyes with enough force to know she won’t be able to hold them back this time, so she refuses to blink even as Sunjata and Petronella become blurred, vague shapes. An accusatory tone in a different man’s voice tells her, you only cry to manipulate, Ru. So she can’t let herself, just in case he was always right.
She backs away at the same pace that he moves closer, ensuring distance remains for both of their sakes. Her arms wrap around her midsection, hiding where her nails dig painfully into her sides. Literally holding herself together as she stares unblinking at his heart as it’s boxed away.
His words are cruel in their dismissiveness, and her heart leaps with panic at the lack of options he gives her to try and do anything. Perhaps not remedy it, but not even to assert her continued devotion while she waits? “Wait just - no, I don’t want -” the house if you’re not in it. It’s just walls and floors if he’s not here with here. Would rejecting the offer make him angrier? She knows she won’t be able to stay the moment he walks out that door. It would be torture she’d never withstand. So instead of senselessly pleading she tries to make sense of the crumbling going on inside her chest to make use of what will clearly be the last few moments she has with him…for however long. “Can I…write? Sunjata please I don’t…I don’t want you to think I’m still gone,” she rushes through teeth that threaten to chatter. Holding onto her strength of will by her fingernails. His full name feels wrong and ashen in her mouth. “I’ll stay away. I’ll wait. I’ll do anything, just…please. Give me something so that I can try.” Tears burn in her eyes with enough force to know she won’t be able to hold them back this time, so she refuses to blink even as Sunjata and Petronella become blurred, vague shapes. An accusatory tone in a different man’s voice tells her, you only cry to manipulate, Ru. So she can’t let herself, just in case he was always right.
HOTARU
