Hotaru
Tonight, you look so lovely
It's your eyes that define me
The omnipresent golden glow of her body illuminates the haze formed by the rain in an odd reverse-shadow that is perfectly at home amidst the wash of colors that make up the Rainbow Road. She steps carefully over the slick stones, a woman with strong feelings about falling and the inherent gracelessness it conveys. Noah's closeness is a safety net should it happen; steady as a rock inside and out, she can surely catch herself by grabbing onto any part of him if the need arises. Not that she needs an excuse to hover near him. It's a closeness she doesn't have to consciously consider - aside from the change of gait, of course. Two of her steps is easily one of his. Luckily as a demigod she does not tire quickly. It's your eyes that define me
"I am glad to come," she assures, marveling for a moment when no mist appears with her words. Halo and even King's End had been far colder even as early as Leafchange. For all the time she spent in Torchline years ago, she's been away long enough that it's novel upon return.
The question is loaded, though they both know that. She considers her response long enough for him to speak further as the shrine rises before them on the rainy horizon. So she responds to his final words first.
"You've brought the perfect person then," she jokes lightly. Her smiles are small these days, her eyes quiet and pallid, but she is not as broken as she had been the first time she lost Nate and Sunjata. Cutting through a scar into flesh below still bleeds you out, but the surface tissue is already dead. One less layer to feel the pain with. "What did they do for Marcus? I'm sorry I haven't been around as much for him as I wanted." At least not recently, due to being dead and all. Something she still hasn't quite processed. Andraste's mind nudges at her own, checking in, from where she prowls ahead, alternating between stalking and gliding short distances. Hotaru assures her wordlessly that she is fine, and the dragonling mulls it over, clearly debating her sincerity before returning to her prey-less hunt.
"I'm...surviving." Not quite living, but better than he'd found her. "Being with Flora and Enzo is likely the reason I'm as stable as I am right now." As a father, she doesn't have to explain why. "I'm not sure what to feel. What I am entitled to feel, rather. Normally I would not be so unconfident, but giving into my emotions ruined everything the first time we parted ways." So many lives were altered, not just hers, or Sunjata's, or Nate's. She regrets that. Regrets so much that it has made her skittish and reluctant to allow herself to explore feelings of anger, resentment, or betrayal. All things he can skim through the bond without her needing to put it all to words.
"I feel like I don't know myself anymore. I was so prepared for domesticity - or as close as two Frey demigods can get - and overnight it vanished." Time hadn't passed for her the way it had for everyone she'd left behind. Tucking soaked golden strands behind her ear, Ru stares ahead and feels her lips tremble with unclear emotion. "That sort of softness is contingent upon a partner to share it with, someone who makes you soft. But it also means without that, I'm realizing I have - had? - no purpose of my own." Something the Hotaru of the past would have been horrified of, but Caido was not Helovia. She'd been excited at the prospect of being happy enough for the first time in her life to actually be that soft. Now she can't call herself that. Vulnerable, maybe, but not soft. Not if she's alone. "And all I can do is wait for him to give me some sort of sign. Which doesn't feel good either." It's a clunky phrase, far from her preferred elegant speech, but her stomach twists uncomfortably and forces brevity and simplicity. It's not like she'd know what to call it anyway with how muddled and sometimes forbidden her emotions are right now.
