SUNJATA
i found hope in a hopeless home
found my father but i lost my soul
found my father but i lost my soul
He doesn’t share the emotions just yet, held tightly behind the wall of his attuned bond. He needs to work on his words, to explain, because he thinks that if he showed her the destruction that was wrought within him, it’d do her more harm than good. So he’s cautious with it as he places his offerings, drawing up to take her in.
She looks about as good as he does – it’s taking a toll on them both and Sunjata finds himself back on the pinnacle of being the bad guy. ’I told you I would wait.’ It’s a simple, subdued answer, and one that shows him that she’s just as cautious of not overstepping some unseen line in the ground between them that he’d placed there when she’d come back home – when things should have gotten better, but the hole in his chest had only grown more turbulent.
“I..” He pauses, jaw working, looking away from her because even with all the work they’ve done he still can’t look at someone when the conversation gets hard. He doesn’t want to see the disappointment, the hurt, the way his words land when he knows he doesn’t get them just right. “When I read your note, I thought it would be one of those quick trips like you usually do. And then it became months, seasons, even.” He takes a steadying breath, forcing himself to break through the usual tactics of his own self-protection to look back at her, staring at her throat rather than her dual toned eyes.
His brows pinch, clear that he’s struggling with explaining this but willing to try anyway. “I was so fucking worried, but I was also empty? Like.. Like everything there was just slowly fading away and that’s why I asked for the heart. I wanted to know what happened.” Because he’d had no control over it, she’d kept it with her where they both thought it would be safe. And because he feels the need to have something to do with his hands, he swings the bag of holding into view to retrieve the box in question.
“This held all my romantic love for you. It also held it for Nate. And Lusea. And without it I.. I physically can’t love anyone. I can’t love you anymore.” He stares down at the box stubbornly, feathers flitting suddenly around his collar when he lifts his dark storm cloud of a gaze. “I didn’t get a choice in it, and I know that’s unfair because you died and that’s also what makes this so fucking hard, Ru.” A break in the attuned bond opens, not by intention, but revealing the gale of emptiness that sits within him so sharp and stark that it almost mirrors the very depths his body had sunk to in the numbness after Nate died and the war was over and they’d met. Back when she was empty, too, after losing Enzo.
But at least she’d gotten him back, in the end. She had her children and that meant she was never truly alone at the end of the day.
As for him? All he has is himself, these days. No children and hardly anyone that knows the true depths of the things he’s gone through. Hotaru knows, but she stands before him like a stranger that he knows he should love but physically can’t, hurt because of the very same reasons that he’d sworn off ever doing this again. She stands there like a ghost and Sunjata isn’t entirely sure she isn’t one.
How can he honestly trust himself anymore?
"I don't have much of myself left anymore. And I know I said I couldn't do it again after Nate and I really, really wanted to try again and it was good for a while Ru. It was really good. But I think it's better that I piece myself back together by myself. I can't and won't use you as a crutch for it. I can't use anyone this time." Not like how he'd used Isla before her, how he'd used Nate before that, how he'd used Hotaru time and time again. "I have to do it alone and you shouldn't wait for me to figure it out. I'm sorry."
She looks about as good as he does – it’s taking a toll on them both and Sunjata finds himself back on the pinnacle of being the bad guy. ’I told you I would wait.’ It’s a simple, subdued answer, and one that shows him that she’s just as cautious of not overstepping some unseen line in the ground between them that he’d placed there when she’d come back home – when things should have gotten better, but the hole in his chest had only grown more turbulent.
“I..” He pauses, jaw working, looking away from her because even with all the work they’ve done he still can’t look at someone when the conversation gets hard. He doesn’t want to see the disappointment, the hurt, the way his words land when he knows he doesn’t get them just right. “When I read your note, I thought it would be one of those quick trips like you usually do. And then it became months, seasons, even.” He takes a steadying breath, forcing himself to break through the usual tactics of his own self-protection to look back at her, staring at her throat rather than her dual toned eyes.
His brows pinch, clear that he’s struggling with explaining this but willing to try anyway. “I was so fucking worried, but I was also empty? Like.. Like everything there was just slowly fading away and that’s why I asked for the heart. I wanted to know what happened.” Because he’d had no control over it, she’d kept it with her where they both thought it would be safe. And because he feels the need to have something to do with his hands, he swings the bag of holding into view to retrieve the box in question.
“This held all my romantic love for you. It also held it for Nate. And Lusea. And without it I.. I physically can’t love anyone. I can’t love you anymore.” He stares down at the box stubbornly, feathers flitting suddenly around his collar when he lifts his dark storm cloud of a gaze. “I didn’t get a choice in it, and I know that’s unfair because you died and that’s also what makes this so fucking hard, Ru.” A break in the attuned bond opens, not by intention, but revealing the gale of emptiness that sits within him so sharp and stark that it almost mirrors the very depths his body had sunk to in the numbness after Nate died and the war was over and they’d met. Back when she was empty, too, after losing Enzo.
But at least she’d gotten him back, in the end. She had her children and that meant she was never truly alone at the end of the day.
As for him? All he has is himself, these days. No children and hardly anyone that knows the true depths of the things he’s gone through. Hotaru knows, but she stands before him like a stranger that he knows he should love but physically can’t, hurt because of the very same reasons that he’d sworn off ever doing this again. She stands there like a ghost and Sunjata isn’t entirely sure she isn’t one.
How can he honestly trust himself anymore?
"I don't have much of myself left anymore. And I know I said I couldn't do it again after Nate and I really, really wanted to try again and it was good for a while Ru. It was really good. But I think it's better that I piece myself back together by myself. I can't and won't use you as a crutch for it. I can't use anyone this time." Not like how he'd used Isla before her, how he'd used Nate before that, how he'd used Hotaru time and time again. "I have to do it alone and you shouldn't wait for me to figure it out. I'm sorry."
i tried to trace it, i aimed to scope
been tryna kill it, but it's all i know
been tryna kill it, but it's all i know
Feel free to use magic/force on Sunjata, without killing him <3
Sunjata speaks with an Australian accent and has a passive magic that makes him produce a subtle scent that matches exactly to whatever those around him most desire him to smell like.
