Zavien
Never regret anything that made you smile
Leaving Soh to dress, Zavien shut the door to the bedroom softly, the click snapping the moment so fast that he had to brace a hand against the wall. No longer under Soh's watchful - heartbreakingly beautiful - eyes, the thoughts surged hard and fast.
Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit.
Not even his virtuous mind could stop the curses. They echoed like the frantic alarm bells of an invading army, warning of the death and destruction to come with a chiming glee. He tried to ground himself in the wood beneath his fingertips, faintly aware of Sol stretching leisurely from the bed he'd dragged into a ray of sunlight. His companion cocked his head before rushing forward with a rumble of worry, having realized that something was terribly wrong with his bonded.
But was it so wrong?
Why did it have to be wrong?
His mind jumped between reasons this couldn't - shouldn't - work, and all the reasons he had to try and make it work. He felt like he was being torn apart, fraying at the edges, worried he wouldn't be the same afterwards. It was true that nothing would be the same with Soh, and he couldn't even imagine how he was going to explain this to Koa, but what about him? The impulses he'd always been so careful in containing had been let loose, the feelings running rampant with his heart. How could he trust himself again? How was he supposed to go on after experiencing so much joy and pleasure and such completeness that he'd never known existed?
Sol's scaled nose pressed against his bare leg, his thoughts vanishing in a puff of smoke. Zavien took a deep breath, steadying the thundering race of his heart. "Sorry bud." Running a reassuring hand over the dragon's head, he moved into the kitchen to pop the lid on a glass jar full of jerky. It would be enough to tide him over until breakfast was ready.
When he spotted Anani, he smiled softly, tenderly offering her the same. The jerky was poised delicately in his fingers, not wanting to scare her away. If she chose to take it, his smile would widen, but if not, he was content to set the treat on the floor for her to claim in her own time, ensuring Sol didn't steal the extra portion.
Then he got to work, muttering to himself as he gathered pans and the small spattering of ingredients he possessed. It wasn't much: some eggs, bread, a small slab of cheese, and the unending supply of jerky. Zavien grimaced at the meager options, hoping Soh wouldn't mind. Determined to make the best of it, he turned on the stove, cracking a few eggs into the pan - and immediately getting shells in them. Gritting his teeth, he was too distracted by his pathetic attempts to salvage the eggs that he didn't notice Soh come in. His head was close enough to the pan that it threatened to burn him, his eyes squinted to spot the white flecks eluding the grasp of his large fingers. This was starting out terribly.
Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit.
Not even his virtuous mind could stop the curses. They echoed like the frantic alarm bells of an invading army, warning of the death and destruction to come with a chiming glee. He tried to ground himself in the wood beneath his fingertips, faintly aware of Sol stretching leisurely from the bed he'd dragged into a ray of sunlight. His companion cocked his head before rushing forward with a rumble of worry, having realized that something was terribly wrong with his bonded.
But was it so wrong?
Why did it have to be wrong?
His mind jumped between reasons this couldn't - shouldn't - work, and all the reasons he had to try and make it work. He felt like he was being torn apart, fraying at the edges, worried he wouldn't be the same afterwards. It was true that nothing would be the same with Soh, and he couldn't even imagine how he was going to explain this to Koa, but what about him? The impulses he'd always been so careful in containing had been let loose, the feelings running rampant with his heart. How could he trust himself again? How was he supposed to go on after experiencing so much joy and pleasure and such completeness that he'd never known existed?
Sol's scaled nose pressed against his bare leg, his thoughts vanishing in a puff of smoke. Zavien took a deep breath, steadying the thundering race of his heart. "Sorry bud." Running a reassuring hand over the dragon's head, he moved into the kitchen to pop the lid on a glass jar full of jerky. It would be enough to tide him over until breakfast was ready.
When he spotted Anani, he smiled softly, tenderly offering her the same. The jerky was poised delicately in his fingers, not wanting to scare her away. If she chose to take it, his smile would widen, but if not, he was content to set the treat on the floor for her to claim in her own time, ensuring Sol didn't steal the extra portion.
Then he got to work, muttering to himself as he gathered pans and the small spattering of ingredients he possessed. It wasn't much: some eggs, bread, a small slab of cheese, and the unending supply of jerky. Zavien grimaced at the meager options, hoping Soh wouldn't mind. Determined to make the best of it, he turned on the stove, cracking a few eggs into the pan - and immediately getting shells in them. Gritting his teeth, he was too distracted by his pathetic attempts to salvage the eggs that he didn't notice Soh come in. His head was close enough to the pan that it threatened to burn him, his eyes squinted to spot the white flecks eluding the grasp of his large fingers. This was starting out terribly.
