picnicking you

Zavien

His head shook as she spoke, refusing to let her think that she made him uncomfortable or that this was in any way her fault. Zavien was equally adept at ruining perfect moments, and if that was the case, he wouldn't have agreed to even try at making this work. They were having such a good time. He liked hanging out with her and flirting and listening to her share about herself. He just hadn't realized how much he'd left unresolved, or what kind of emotions he'd been ignoring that he had to face now. 

Looking to Soh, the smile he gave was sad and a bit rueful. "You didn't mess anything up. I did." He sighed, running a hand through his hair but not pulling away as he reluctantly admitted, "Apparently, I... still have some things to process about Lena's death and - " he could already feel how her name soured the already dark mood, his voice lowering as he continued, "I don't want to dump that on you." It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair to Soh that he carried this guilt. It wasn't fair to Lena that she'd died. It wasn't fair that he was being torn between the past and the present. It wasn't fair and Zavien didn't know what to do about it. 

So he sat, staring at his hand like he was waiting for the answer to appear - or for Soh to realize the mistake she'd made in choosing this, choosing him.

I love you with everything I am,
everything I've been,
and everything I hope to be.