Zavien
Zavien tapped his fingers against the table between them, the small tilt of a smile softening his lips. "It would have been hard to continue without it." He sighed a breath of relief, his smile strengthening when he said, "But I feel better knowing we have his support." Not that they needed it, but that the friendship would remain, that any animosity was being put aside for the other's happiness, that Koa might be able to move on. There was so much uncertainty that had fallen away with their conversation, and although it would still be weird for them to talk about Soh as two guys who have or had feelings for her, it wouldn't be painful.
A quietness settled in the moment between, and despite not knowing all of Soh's mannerisms yet, he sensed that something was eating at her. Zavien stayed present but gave the space for her to voice whatever weighed on her mind, taking note of how she fidgeted and steeled herself to begin. He nodded his head, waiting patiently to hear the question behind her eyes, nerves stirring at the cautious approach. Was there more to the Koa situation that he didn't know? Was she about to change her mind? Had he made a misstep so quickly?
But her question hit deeper, prodding at something he'd been gingerly avoiding for lack of clarity. It was why he pursed his lips, shifting in his chair as he tried to piece together his own understanding of what had happened that day and why he'd acted. "I'm honestly not sure," he admitted. Zavien's brows furrowed, thinking aloud without bothering to hide the truths they revealed. He'd never hide things from her. "I've always liked you, but I never let myself think on how much I liked you." At least not in that way. "I convinced myself I was just happy to be friends and dismissed thoughts of anything more because it would hurt those I care about."
And yet... he'd kissed her anyways. Without worrying about anyone or anything else.
Lowering his eyes to the table, he continued to pick through how that day had felt. "But... I don't know. That day, something felt different." His head tilted like it might turn his thoughts over in his mind, hoping to reveal a new understanding as he described the sensation. "It was like consequences didn't weigh as much, like it only mattered what I wanted, so when I saw you laying there... " His voice faded, recalling how her hair had framed the flush of her cheeks, her mouth slightly open with a laugh, the thoughts and feelings that had swelled undeniably in his chest, his subsequent desire. "All I wanted to do was kiss you - " he gave her a sheepish smile as he said simply, "so I did."
Realizing again how selfish he'd been, he grimaced. Zavien shook his head, shame pinching his features at the thought of forcing Soh into that situation without confirming her feelings. He'd never been the kind to kiss before asking consent or kiss someone without first making it clear how he felt about them. Physical intimacy to him wasn't something to be taken lightly - or taken at all. To Zavien, it was the greatest display of affection someone could give, and he'd been so caught up in Soh and what he wanted that he wasn't as slow or considerate as he otherwise might have been. For that reason, he said, "I'm sorry I didn't ask first. I shouldn't have forced that without making sure it was something you were comfortable with. That's not the kind of person I am." At least, not someone he wanted to be.
Zavien shook his head again, pulling them back to her question and the why of it all that he couldn't quite answer. "I'm not sure what was different that day or why it only lasted until the morning, and I wish there'd been a chance to talk instead of act first, but..." He reached for her hand if he didn't already have it, squeezing gently as he said with the utmost certainty, "I'm grateful it happened." A timid light entered his eyes, hoping she understood that nothing had gone the way he would have hoped for a budding relationship, and yet he wouldn't change it for anything. He would thank whatever god or spirit or current of emotion had led him to act, because it brought them here to this moment, together.
A quietness settled in the moment between, and despite not knowing all of Soh's mannerisms yet, he sensed that something was eating at her. Zavien stayed present but gave the space for her to voice whatever weighed on her mind, taking note of how she fidgeted and steeled herself to begin. He nodded his head, waiting patiently to hear the question behind her eyes, nerves stirring at the cautious approach. Was there more to the Koa situation that he didn't know? Was she about to change her mind? Had he made a misstep so quickly?
But her question hit deeper, prodding at something he'd been gingerly avoiding for lack of clarity. It was why he pursed his lips, shifting in his chair as he tried to piece together his own understanding of what had happened that day and why he'd acted. "I'm honestly not sure," he admitted. Zavien's brows furrowed, thinking aloud without bothering to hide the truths they revealed. He'd never hide things from her. "I've always liked you, but I never let myself think on how much I liked you." At least not in that way. "I convinced myself I was just happy to be friends and dismissed thoughts of anything more because it would hurt those I care about."
And yet... he'd kissed her anyways. Without worrying about anyone or anything else.
Lowering his eyes to the table, he continued to pick through how that day had felt. "But... I don't know. That day, something felt different." His head tilted like it might turn his thoughts over in his mind, hoping to reveal a new understanding as he described the sensation. "It was like consequences didn't weigh as much, like it only mattered what I wanted, so when I saw you laying there... " His voice faded, recalling how her hair had framed the flush of her cheeks, her mouth slightly open with a laugh, the thoughts and feelings that had swelled undeniably in his chest, his subsequent desire. "All I wanted to do was kiss you - " he gave her a sheepish smile as he said simply, "so I did."
Realizing again how selfish he'd been, he grimaced. Zavien shook his head, shame pinching his features at the thought of forcing Soh into that situation without confirming her feelings. He'd never been the kind to kiss before asking consent or kiss someone without first making it clear how he felt about them. Physical intimacy to him wasn't something to be taken lightly - or taken at all. To Zavien, it was the greatest display of affection someone could give, and he'd been so caught up in Soh and what he wanted that he wasn't as slow or considerate as he otherwise might have been. For that reason, he said, "I'm sorry I didn't ask first. I shouldn't have forced that without making sure it was something you were comfortable with. That's not the kind of person I am." At least, not someone he wanted to be.
Zavien shook his head again, pulling them back to her question and the why of it all that he couldn't quite answer. "I'm not sure what was different that day or why it only lasted until the morning, and I wish there'd been a chance to talk instead of act first, but..." He reached for her hand if he didn't already have it, squeezing gently as he said with the utmost certainty, "I'm grateful it happened." A timid light entered his eyes, hoping she understood that nothing had gone the way he would have hoped for a budding relationship, and yet he wouldn't change it for anything. He would thank whatever god or spirit or current of emotion had led him to act, because it brought them here to this moment, together.
That’s How We’re Gonna Win.
Not Fighting What We Hate,
Saving What We Love.
Not Fighting What We Hate,
Saving What We Love.
