All I know is this could either break my heart or bring it back to life
Zavien's quiet question took her by surprise, and it showed in the quick glance she sent his way. Did she miss leading? She turned the question over in her mind, but no matter how she looked at it, there wasn't an easy answer. "Yes and no," she said finally. "I miss having a purpose. I miss giving to something bigger than myself." As tempting as it was to be selfish and chase her own dreams and desires, that had never been who Soh was. Sure, she wanted things - but deep down, what she really wanted was to be useful.
"But..." she sighed, frowning. "After what happened with the Family, I wasn't sure I deserved to lead anymore. I still feel like it's my fault they were able to take over Stormbreak at all." And it wasn't difficult to follow that line of thinking to it being her fault, ultimately, that Stormbreak fell, given that it was their influence that had destabilized the region so. "And then, just when I thought I'd found my footing again, I lost Tarak.
"After that, I just... I look back and I don't recognize the person I was." She'd made a lot of questionable decisions out of grief. She'd drank too much, she'd partied too hard, she'd avoided responsibility like the plague, even after promising to be there to help with Stormbreak. "I wasn't in the mindset to lead when I stepped aside for you, and, to be honest, I don't know that it's what I'd want now, even if the opportunity presented itself. I was never leading for the power. I just saw a way to help steer Stormbreak in a better direction and help people in the process, and I thought, if nobody else was going to try, then I would.
"But I do want to find a purpose again," she concluded. "I'm starting to go a little crazy without one." It didn't have to be a big purpose - but she needed something to do, someone to take care of (#foreshadowing). She just wasn't sure what it was yet. "What about you?" she asked gently. "Do you miss leading?"
"But..." she sighed, frowning. "After what happened with the Family, I wasn't sure I deserved to lead anymore. I still feel like it's my fault they were able to take over Stormbreak at all." And it wasn't difficult to follow that line of thinking to it being her fault, ultimately, that Stormbreak fell, given that it was their influence that had destabilized the region so. "And then, just when I thought I'd found my footing again, I lost Tarak.
"After that, I just... I look back and I don't recognize the person I was." She'd made a lot of questionable decisions out of grief. She'd drank too much, she'd partied too hard, she'd avoided responsibility like the plague, even after promising to be there to help with Stormbreak. "I wasn't in the mindset to lead when I stepped aside for you, and, to be honest, I don't know that it's what I'd want now, even if the opportunity presented itself. I was never leading for the power. I just saw a way to help steer Stormbreak in a better direction and help people in the process, and I thought, if nobody else was going to try, then I would.
"But I do want to find a purpose again," she concluded. "I'm starting to go a little crazy without one." It didn't have to be a big purpose - but she needed something to do, someone to take care of (#foreshadowing). She just wasn't sure what it was yet. "What about you?" she asked gently. "Do you miss leading?"
Got a feelin' your electric touch could fill this ghost town up with life
Minor powerplay allowed without permission.
Feel free to use force/magic on Sohalia.
Feel free to use force/magic on Sohalia.
