Zavien
He felt Soh still, knowing that it probably wasn't something she liked to remember either. It wasn't something he spoke of lightly or fondly, but if she was going to know all of him, there were some things he had to share - at least once.
Her questions had him nodding, humming quiet confirmation before he could find the words to speak. "Mhm." The sound lingered, deep and heavy with memories that he hadn't shared in a long time. But that didn't stop him from explaining, even if he had to shift uncomfortably in the soft embrace of the pillows before saying, "Death was peaceful and easy, but living... it hurt. From the moment of my first heartbeat, all I felt was pain. The feather had brought me back, but it didn't heal the wounds, and I felt every broken bone and bloody breath, every scream and echo of tearing muscle..." His voice faded in darkness, nightmares and twisted horrors that had kept him up for months after, terrified of his own shadow and what might be hiding inside. It had highlighted just how weak he was, and how easily the Family could destroy him and the people he cared about.
Taking a deep breath, Zavien pushed aside those thoughts to continue. "And yet...part of me was happy, relieved. There was still so much I wanted to do. I hadn't wanted that to be the end." Particularly when it came to Lena and all that they hadn't said and done - that was apparently never meant to be.
But the pain and nightmares hadn't been the only hard part of being brought back from death, and Zavien lowered his head as he admitted, "But for a while I was... embarrassed. I'd fallen because I didn't prepare enough, because I wasn't strong enough." His head shook to add, "I don't regret anything I did, but I was called foolish for rushing in." For being impulsive and thoughtless. Most didn't blame him, but for a time, he'd blamed himself, and although he'd do it all again to help Soh and defeat the Void Yeti, he'd recognized his own mortality more clearly. Which made it all the harder to see how he'd given in, embracing the end without a care. "And maybe I was a little embarrassed with how easily I had accepted death..." he whispered the last part, a confession he'd said only once before, one that used to bring him so much shame before he'd discovered his confidence again.
Her questions had him nodding, humming quiet confirmation before he could find the words to speak. "Mhm." The sound lingered, deep and heavy with memories that he hadn't shared in a long time. But that didn't stop him from explaining, even if he had to shift uncomfortably in the soft embrace of the pillows before saying, "Death was peaceful and easy, but living... it hurt. From the moment of my first heartbeat, all I felt was pain. The feather had brought me back, but it didn't heal the wounds, and I felt every broken bone and bloody breath, every scream and echo of tearing muscle..." His voice faded in darkness, nightmares and twisted horrors that had kept him up for months after, terrified of his own shadow and what might be hiding inside. It had highlighted just how weak he was, and how easily the Family could destroy him and the people he cared about.
Taking a deep breath, Zavien pushed aside those thoughts to continue. "And yet...part of me was happy, relieved. There was still so much I wanted to do. I hadn't wanted that to be the end." Particularly when it came to Lena and all that they hadn't said and done - that was apparently never meant to be.
But the pain and nightmares hadn't been the only hard part of being brought back from death, and Zavien lowered his head as he admitted, "But for a while I was... embarrassed. I'd fallen because I didn't prepare enough, because I wasn't strong enough." His head shook to add, "I don't regret anything I did, but I was called foolish for rushing in." For being impulsive and thoughtless. Most didn't blame him, but for a time, he'd blamed himself, and although he'd do it all again to help Soh and defeat the Void Yeti, he'd recognized his own mortality more clearly. Which made it all the harder to see how he'd given in, embracing the end without a care. "And maybe I was a little embarrassed with how easily I had accepted death..." he whispered the last part, a confession he'd said only once before, one that used to bring him so much shame before he'd discovered his confidence again.
If you don't like the road you're walking,
start paving another.
start paving another.
