Zavien
Zavien had known it wouldn't be easy to hear. It was why he didn't talk about it, why he let people go on believing that it had been as simple as his heart stopping and restarting without any consequences; but the true experience had been something that shaped him, that scarred him in more ways than one, and he knew that if he was going to really make this work with Soh, she deserved to know the broken parts of him as much as the rest.
When Soh finally spoke, he whispered a soft answer into the space. "I know." It was the same reassurance he'd given himself, the same argument he gave when the guilt sometimes found him at night, but he felt validated to hear someone else say it, like double checking his homework so he could submit it for final approval.
Appreciative of the comfort of her touch, Zavien felt some of the darkness diminish, his awareness coming more fully into the space as he considered her assessment of him with a faint echo of a smile. "The harder paths build character." The words don't have as much levity or humor as he might have hoped, so he settled for truth. "But with death, I knew I was dying, so I guess it had come down to two paths: accepting it wholeheartedly and embracing the gift of the life I'd been given or fighting it and spending my last moments feeling regretful or fearful." Letting out a breath, he glanced away again. "I didn't want to feel that way because it wasn't going to make anything better."
To no disrupt their positioning, his shoulders raised in something that felt like a shrug. "The illogical part of me just likes to wonder sometimes if someone stronger would have fought harder to change their fate." He knew it didn't make sense, but that was the thing about doubts: sometimes they didn't have to.
When Soh finally spoke, he whispered a soft answer into the space. "I know." It was the same reassurance he'd given himself, the same argument he gave when the guilt sometimes found him at night, but he felt validated to hear someone else say it, like double checking his homework so he could submit it for final approval.
Appreciative of the comfort of her touch, Zavien felt some of the darkness diminish, his awareness coming more fully into the space as he considered her assessment of him with a faint echo of a smile. "The harder paths build character." The words don't have as much levity or humor as he might have hoped, so he settled for truth. "But with death, I knew I was dying, so I guess it had come down to two paths: accepting it wholeheartedly and embracing the gift of the life I'd been given or fighting it and spending my last moments feeling regretful or fearful." Letting out a breath, he glanced away again. "I didn't want to feel that way because it wasn't going to make anything better."
To no disrupt their positioning, his shoulders raised in something that felt like a shrug. "The illogical part of me just likes to wonder sometimes if someone stronger would have fought harder to change their fate." He knew it didn't make sense, but that was the thing about doubts: sometimes they didn't have to.
If you don't like the road you're walking,
start paving another.
start paving another.
