Zavien
- The Risen Sun -
The gratitude and squeeze of his hand should have ended the line of thinking there, but his worries lingered. He knew Soh, knew that she would never ask anything of him that would compromise his nature, knew that she would never suggest he become something he wasn't, but... what if she didn't ask? What if the only way to save her was to kill someone in cold blood? To kill an unarmed man? To kill a child? Would he have the strength? Would he be able to live with himself knowing that his hands were stained with their blood? Would he be able to live with himself if he let Soh die instead?
It worried Zavien that he didn't have immediate answers to the questions, that he teetered precariously between whether Soh's life was worth that of someone else.
But they were people too, loved ones to others who cared for them as much as he did Soh.
Perhaps if they were evil, cruel individuals that would better the world with their deaths, Zavien could sleep peacefully at night. But if he killed an innocent man to save his family... could he really look them in the eyes without constantly remembering the cost he paid? Could he be a good father or significant other if he crossed that line?
He didn't think he could.
And yet, the fact that he struggled to come to that conclusion scared him all the more. He already loved them so fiercely - so fully - that he would consider breaking his morals. They had quickly become the center of his world, and short of murder or sacrificing Caido itself, Zavien could see himself toeing the lines of his heart, skimming the ethics he's always held so close. Would he lie, cheat, or steal despite believing it wrong? They were not victimless crimes - but for his family, Zavien knew he would sully his reputation to keep them safe, knew he would be willing to harm others in a way that wasn't death.
Swallowing against the bitter truth on his tongue, Zavien found himself relieved that moving to Torchline was all he had to worry about right now, praying that he'd never have to act on the boundaries of his ethics to save the people he loved.
He squeezed Soh's hand, doing his best not to let her know of the thoughts he grappled with when he smiled and gave a slow nod. "Tomorrow," he confirmed.
[FIN]
It worried Zavien that he didn't have immediate answers to the questions, that he teetered precariously between whether Soh's life was worth that of someone else.
But they were people too, loved ones to others who cared for them as much as he did Soh.
Perhaps if they were evil, cruel individuals that would better the world with their deaths, Zavien could sleep peacefully at night. But if he killed an innocent man to save his family... could he really look them in the eyes without constantly remembering the cost he paid? Could he be a good father or significant other if he crossed that line?
He didn't think he could.
And yet, the fact that he struggled to come to that conclusion scared him all the more. He already loved them so fiercely - so fully - that he would consider breaking his morals. They had quickly become the center of his world, and short of murder or sacrificing Caido itself, Zavien could see himself toeing the lines of his heart, skimming the ethics he's always held so close. Would he lie, cheat, or steal despite believing it wrong? They were not victimless crimes - but for his family, Zavien knew he would sully his reputation to keep them safe, knew he would be willing to harm others in a way that wasn't death.
Swallowing against the bitter truth on his tongue, Zavien found himself relieved that moving to Torchline was all he had to worry about right now, praying that he'd never have to act on the boundaries of his ethics to save the people he loved.
He squeezed Soh's hand, doing his best not to let her know of the thoughts he grappled with when he smiled and gave a slow nod. "Tomorrow," he confirmed.
[FIN]
