stars, hide your fires; Let not light see my black and deep desires
"Does that matter?"
Yes. Rory was suddenly struck by how much younger Remi seemed in that moment—how much younger he maybe was—for he no longer seemed the amiably aloof man both Elyna and Ronin sought to protect. He somehow seemed vulnerable, though Rory couldn't put his fingers on what gave him that impression. Yes, it does.
Stop acting like you can fix this because it's not broken.
Their corner of Caido had been locked away for generations, and as those with memories of a world beyond died, this became the norm. You lived and died within the barrier, and what was beyond was a curiosity, a dream, a novelty you could ponder but it didn't matter.
Life was here. Life was now. And Rory had the overwhelming urge to kiss Remi as that simple phrase wandered into his mind.
But he didn't. Of course he didn't. Remi somehow still felt beyond him.
He listened to Remi with his eyes downcast. He liked the Outlanders as individuals, but he hated them as a group—of course they were like dandelion seeds tumbled about by a storm, gathered up and then dropped somewhere else entirely, but Rory resented them for the changes they brought. Rory resented them for how they treated his home: like a prison they had been thrust into, as if their precious Northaven or wherever else was just beyond the barrier.
Or perhaps that was uncharitable of him to think, tainted so as he was by Elyna's arrogant declarations. They had struck him harder than he'd thought at first.
"Leadership?" he echoed in a hollow voice, one nail scraping against the fabric of his pants. They did not need that—they were fine without that—he didn't even really comprehend what it would be like, but it tasted like a change they didn't want, didn't need, one that wouldn't go down well. He wrestled with himself in silence for a moment, then sighed, and looked to the sky.
"Generation after generation, we have been born within this place. From birth, we have known nothing else, and those who remembered a time when the border was a sea, and not a lethal, intangible thing, are long since dead. Growing up, I think all of us go through a phase where we are frustrated by this, where we want out into that great beyond, where we think our ideas are new and fresh and that no one's tried them before. Some of us die because of this, but no one's ever succeeded. We don't even know what we're looking for, what we're wishing for, we're just moths flying into the flame. You don't know how many times I've ridden in the outskirts, dreaming about just the thing that happened when I found you and Elyna out here, but then when it actually happened..."
Rory shrugged. How to explain that now that the Outlanders were all here, he didn't.. want them.. here... He didn't want change in this way. He didn't even know if he wanted change at all.
"I can't even imagine where you come from. Is this a cage to you? Is it broken to you?" There was no accusation in his voice; just curiosity, and sadness.
"Would it be so bad, to live the rest of your life here?"
Because I never expected to do anything but that.
Yes. Rory was suddenly struck by how much younger Remi seemed in that moment—how much younger he maybe was—for he no longer seemed the amiably aloof man both Elyna and Ronin sought to protect. He somehow seemed vulnerable, though Rory couldn't put his fingers on what gave him that impression. Yes, it does.
Stop acting like you can fix this because it's not broken.
Their corner of Caido had been locked away for generations, and as those with memories of a world beyond died, this became the norm. You lived and died within the barrier, and what was beyond was a curiosity, a dream, a novelty you could ponder but it didn't matter.
Life was here. Life was now. And Rory had the overwhelming urge to kiss Remi as that simple phrase wandered into his mind.
But he didn't. Of course he didn't. Remi somehow still felt beyond him.
He listened to Remi with his eyes downcast. He liked the Outlanders as individuals, but he hated them as a group—of course they were like dandelion seeds tumbled about by a storm, gathered up and then dropped somewhere else entirely, but Rory resented them for the changes they brought. Rory resented them for how they treated his home: like a prison they had been thrust into, as if their precious Northaven or wherever else was just beyond the barrier.
Or perhaps that was uncharitable of him to think, tainted so as he was by Elyna's arrogant declarations. They had struck him harder than he'd thought at first.
"Leadership?" he echoed in a hollow voice, one nail scraping against the fabric of his pants. They did not need that—they were fine without that—he didn't even really comprehend what it would be like, but it tasted like a change they didn't want, didn't need, one that wouldn't go down well. He wrestled with himself in silence for a moment, then sighed, and looked to the sky.
"Generation after generation, we have been born within this place. From birth, we have known nothing else, and those who remembered a time when the border was a sea, and not a lethal, intangible thing, are long since dead. Growing up, I think all of us go through a phase where we are frustrated by this, where we want out into that great beyond, where we think our ideas are new and fresh and that no one's tried them before. Some of us die because of this, but no one's ever succeeded. We don't even know what we're looking for, what we're wishing for, we're just moths flying into the flame. You don't know how many times I've ridden in the outskirts, dreaming about just the thing that happened when I found you and Elyna out here, but then when it actually happened..."
Rory shrugged. How to explain that now that the Outlanders were all here, he didn't.. want them.. here... He didn't want change in this way. He didn't even know if he wanted change at all.
"I can't even imagine where you come from. Is this a cage to you? Is it broken to you?" There was no accusation in his voice; just curiosity, and sadness.
"Would it be so bad, to live the rest of your life here?"
Because I never expected to do anything but that.
