Call it what you want

The alchemist flinched slightly at the harshness of the ascended’s words, but they definitely weren’t unwarranted. As his outstretched hand remained in limbo as Sam got himself to his feet, Remi sighed wearily (out of actual exhaustion rather than exasperation at the man), and leaned himself back against the wall. This small amount of movement had already made his head start to spin again, and so he closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose as Sam commented on how unlike a lion he was. Glancing up through his curls, Remi tried on another smirk, albeit a weak one. “And I seem like a hawk?” He mused, genuinely curious. Back in Northaven the ceremony was such that one did not pick the animal they became, the magic just sort of did that for you. Both of his parents had been birds and so the alchemist was not terribly surprised with what he’d become. His was the largest species of hawk which was perhaps a bit impressive, but as far as birds went he was quite average. Perhaps on that account hawk did fit him well. “Perhaps because it is so unlike me.” Remi murmured, wrapping his arms around his waist and leaning his head back against the wall with a shaky breath. ”It...” Remi glanced at his hands, though didn’t let them partially shift into a lion’s paws as he had done with his hawk-shift. It was too risky to do even that, given how tired and riled up he was. “The urge to attack is quite strong in that form. Sometimes when I am not strong enough it can take over completely.” Gently his fingers caressed his own side, where below the fabric of his clothing were numerous scars. “The scars on my side-“ Glancing up rather uncertainly, Remi swallowed. Had Sam felt them? He couldn’t remember where the man’s hands had been actually, other than he’d simply wanted them - and the rest of Sam - more. Clearing his throat Remi’s face crumpled into something that resembled guilt and sadness as he sighed. “I did those to myself one night. It was all I could do to stop myself. Someone nearly died that night.” Biting the inside of his lip hard, Remi studied the ground, unable to meet Sam’s gaze. Just because honesty came easily to the alchemist did not make the words he said any less painful. “I do not take that form often. Not unless I have to, or I know my frame of mind can handle it.” REMI Traded my soul to free my mind, "can I go back to being blind?" I ask myself one too many times