Call it what you want

As Sam moved towards him, Remi’s pale gaze rose with a confused sort of expectation, his brows furrowing together in a question. Fully not expecting Sam to sit down next to him, not after the sort of reaction he’d just been given and all that had just occurred between the two, shocked to find the man reaching for his hand. As far as he could recall, Remi hadn’t actually had his hand held by another man before. Not in this way anyhow. Of course his fingers had curled around Ianto and Loren’s during their nights (well, it hadn’t always been at night) together. But another man had never held his hand. Letting his hand be taken, Remi was surprised to find that his was the cold one. Whatever system kept the ascended at a perfect body temperature was working far better than Remi’s system was. ”Does it not?” Remi wondered, his voice soft but only because Sam was so near again. Remi’s lips twitched slightly. He remembered that fateful night Zero had told him that it was all within his control, that if Remi injured him, he couldn’t blame it on being a lion because it was still him in there. If he was right, then it did reflect on him. Because it was him. ”I hope I can.” Remi mused, biting the inside of his lip and absently stroking his ribs slightly again with the hand not in Sam’s grasp, thoughtfully. “I did not mean to make you feel rejected if I did..” Remi said after a moment, his eyes alighting softly on the side of Sam’s face. “I just ... the things you made me feel Sam...It was ...” Remi took a deep breath and held it for a moment. The words had eluded him before and he wasn’t sure why he thought he’d do better now, but he needed to try. “You made me feel really good. But you did not mean to, did you? You did not...and you do not know me and I do not know you. Not really.” Then, hastily he added, ”Not yet.” He was making a real mess of this, but with an absolutely absurd boyish optimism he smiled at Sam and soldiered on. “I do not want you to feel rejected...but this is not what either of us wants. Not like this.” Outside the snow began to groan. Perhaps Sam might notice the different in light but Remi certainly didn’t. Still, they’d both hear the layers of snow outside slowly removing. REMI Traded my soul to free my mind, "can I go back to being blind?" I ask myself one too many times