MAEA
Carry me through this world alive
I feel no more, this suffering
I feel no more, this suffering
Maea looked at Amun, considering. Many of the things that had passed between herself and Sunjata were secrets offered in confidence, not something she wanted to divulge even here. There had been a promise to keep what happened by the river that day a river's secret. But here, in the light of day, with only cold snow and harsh landscapes around, and time between then and now? It seemed a ridiculous thing to keep quiet about.
So. The short version. Real and to the point.
"First time I ever saw him was at his wedding. Was there for his wife, as she's sort of a friend... though not exactly close. Second time, I went to trade with the VlamVloed, and arranged to stay there while I dealt with the farm. Nothing, we just talked and did business. Third time, I came across him quite by accident, and we started talking. He started flirting. I kept my distance and made it rather plain I didn't want to be a cheat.
"He seemed fine with that, but then as we kept talking things got... close. I don't even know why, or how but... he kissed me. I made to leave, and he... took off his wedding ring. Said he didn't want to be in the marriage from the start, and just... dropped it in the sand."
She swallowed, jaw clenching as she bit her teeth together, half reliving the dense, tension-fraught moment. His wordless implication that he was choosing to free himself then and there, and her offer to accept him if he stuck to that. Which he seemed to accept, by taking her offered hand, by kissing her again.
All of that she related to Amun in short, terse words, that tried and failed at neutrality.
"Next time I saw him, he was wearing the ring again. I was... not happy about it, and said we could stay friends but nothing more. And he seemed to agree to that, it's just that... every time we come into contact, there's this slip back into that feeling by the river.
"I don't think he's playing with me on purpose, but even though I try to keep away, he's always there in the end. Wanting things I don't want to give, not... not so lightly. I want it to mean something. But he... doesn't seem to share that view."
There was more to it, more details, more complications - Nate, for example - but Maea felt a lump begin to grow in her throat and clamped down on it, growing quiet. Waiting for the judgement to be passed on her.
What a mess it was.
So. The short version. Real and to the point.
"First time I ever saw him was at his wedding. Was there for his wife, as she's sort of a friend... though not exactly close. Second time, I went to trade with the VlamVloed, and arranged to stay there while I dealt with the farm. Nothing, we just talked and did business. Third time, I came across him quite by accident, and we started talking. He started flirting. I kept my distance and made it rather plain I didn't want to be a cheat.
"He seemed fine with that, but then as we kept talking things got... close. I don't even know why, or how but... he kissed me. I made to leave, and he... took off his wedding ring. Said he didn't want to be in the marriage from the start, and just... dropped it in the sand."
She swallowed, jaw clenching as she bit her teeth together, half reliving the dense, tension-fraught moment. His wordless implication that he was choosing to free himself then and there, and her offer to accept him if he stuck to that. Which he seemed to accept, by taking her offered hand, by kissing her again.
All of that she related to Amun in short, terse words, that tried and failed at neutrality.
"Next time I saw him, he was wearing the ring again. I was... not happy about it, and said we could stay friends but nothing more. And he seemed to agree to that, it's just that... every time we come into contact, there's this slip back into that feeling by the river.
"I don't think he's playing with me on purpose, but even though I try to keep away, he's always there in the end. Wanting things I don't want to give, not... not so lightly. I want it to mean something. But he... doesn't seem to share that view."
There was more to it, more details, more complications - Nate, for example - but Maea felt a lump begin to grow in her throat and clamped down on it, growing quiet. Waiting for the judgement to be passed on her.
What a mess it was.
Bury me in this cold light
I feed the wolf, and shed my skin
I feed the wolf, and shed my skin
