I come from the water

I saw the crosses of empty cathedrals whose prospects were hanging out in bars

Nate struggles in what he attempts to say, not like Sunjata has anything else to say to it. Not really. What was there to say anyway? It isn’t until the next sentence leaves and Sunjata chews on the inside of his cheek perhaps a bit harder – gnawing now almost near enough to draw blood if he really wanted to try, before a slow sigh slips from his nose, before his eyes are closing and he’s not sure where exactly to start. His lips part, but nothing comes out, and Nate’s hands are there in his dark curls, an apology though Sunjata can’t understand why Nate is apologizing when he had been the one that had asked for it.

An out, at the very least.

He stills, however, as Nate mentions manipulating, and his jaw tightens once more as he goes to bury his head into the Ascended’s dark hair. A weak laugh leaves him, with all the pent up feelings in his gut. “You sound like Hotaru.” He comments quietly, before he’s again trying to figure out where to start, if he should continue – but they’re already here, and perhaps this extra bit of opening up might help Nate at some point too. “Phoebe could’ve stopped me. And she didn’t.” He manages. “Instead, she gave me some tonic that had a bunch of random things that I don’t exactly know what they do… Cannabis oil, chamomile, some saint’s wort.” He pauses, reflecting a small amount, unable to come up with the rest of it. “I didn’t go home that night. How could I? I told her that and she… She told me that if I actually loved Lusea I would’ve left her to save her from my father.” His voice hitches there, accent thickening as he tries to figure out why the fuck he remembers it so clearly, and why the fuck it hurt so bad right now. “Because I knew what my father was capable of. That’s fucked, right? I…” But he’s trailing off now, trailing off as Nate continues to say that it’s not okay, and he’s swallowing down the fact that he wants to take the blame, that he always has taken the blame, and not once had he shoved it off to someone else.

Nate tells him he deserves so much better than this, and he doesn’t believe it either. He doesn’t believe the fact that he deserves to be treated so much better than he was because of everything he’s done. But it’s not his spiral, and his levelheadedness is waning, but he’s talking and it feels good to say it out loud, when perhaps someone’s listening.

SUNJATA