i don't know where home is, but i suppose it's anywhere i go that's any good at all
With every new ingredient Sunjata offers, Nate bristles more, the connection finally clear enough that he can pull it all together, and the end result is terrible. Even in a small dose. "Do you know what any of it does? Did she tell you?" There's a renewed urgency in his voice, though he already knows what the answer is, doesn't bother waiting for it. And it makes him sick, adds a careless intention to the action. "How dare she call herself a healer." This is more to himself than the other man, Nate's gaze only rising as Sunjata again tries to claim blame for what had happened. "You couldn't have been yourself. Not with blight, and alcohol, and her... her fucking rap-" He stops himself suddenly, unwilling to say the word if Sunjata hasn't, unwilling to actually put it into the air between them.
It's a wonder how easily anger and concern have pulled him out of his earlier spiral. Something to focus on, a far better distraction than what Nate would usually seek out. Maybe one that some good could come from. "You didn't do any of that. You did what you were told, by people you had to trust, and they've been blaming you for it every since." Really, if there is anyone to talk to about avoiding blame, about twisting things to stay innocent, it's Nate, but he cannot fathom how the other man has gotten so twisted in the other direction. "You killed because you had to, to stay alive, you fought because you had to. You didn't pull the trigger." And maybe he's biased, maybe he doesn't have the whole story, but he doesn't see a single way anyone else could hear what the other man has shared and not come to the same conclusion. Perhaps, perhaps, he could have kept his head down, could have accepted his lot, what he was born to be, but that is a far worse, a far more insidious kind of violence.
"Jata, that's not karma. It's trauma." Maybe there's a bite of frustration, just in how quickly the words come from him, from the way they're clipped, but it doesn't seem to affect the rest of him, hands still gentle, face still worried. Eyes still brimming with concern, with love, with a contained anger. "Why do you keep saying that?" The words are simple, not accusatory, or pointed, just curious. Nate can see the splinters, can see the spiral, clear as anything in the stormy eyes that meet his, finally. Maybe it's a better approach, to pick at the method, instead of trying to convince Sunjata he was wrong about something that he had to have been saying was okay for too long.
It's a wonder how easily anger and concern have pulled him out of his earlier spiral. Something to focus on, a far better distraction than what Nate would usually seek out. Maybe one that some good could come from. "You didn't do any of that. You did what you were told, by people you had to trust, and they've been blaming you for it every since." Really, if there is anyone to talk to about avoiding blame, about twisting things to stay innocent, it's Nate, but he cannot fathom how the other man has gotten so twisted in the other direction. "You killed because you had to, to stay alive, you fought because you had to. You didn't pull the trigger." And maybe he's biased, maybe he doesn't have the whole story, but he doesn't see a single way anyone else could hear what the other man has shared and not come to the same conclusion. Perhaps, perhaps, he could have kept his head down, could have accepted his lot, what he was born to be, but that is a far worse, a far more insidious kind of violence.
"Jata, that's not karma. It's trauma." Maybe there's a bite of frustration, just in how quickly the words come from him, from the way they're clipped, but it doesn't seem to affect the rest of him, hands still gentle, face still worried. Eyes still brimming with concern, with love, with a contained anger. "Why do you keep saying that?" The words are simple, not accusatory, or pointed, just curious. Nate can see the splinters, can see the spiral, clear as anything in the stormy eyes that meet his, finally. Maybe it's a better approach, to pick at the method, instead of trying to convince Sunjata he was wrong about something that he had to have been saying was okay for too long.
NATE
