- NATE -
I don’t want a world
Without pain or loss
Without pain or loss
A lifetime swimming in darker waters than most has left Nate jaded, made him mistrustful of mere words, no matter where they come from. He feels like a burden, feels like he hasn't been able to do anything useful, anything productive since he'd been attacked, and it eats away at him. There was so much he had to get back to, so much he had to start, and yet this was the first time he'd managed to force himself out of the house. It could be said a dozen times over, and he'd still feel like he wasn't doing enough yet.
He didn't even feel it anymore, so he should be able to pick things back up, should be able to step back into the role he'd gotten used to like it was nothing, and yet, no matter how he tried, he couldn't bring himself to. He wasn't even sure if he'd go back to his clinic yet, or if it had just been something to say, some goal to make it sound like he'd progressed in something.
No matter how he flinches at the immediate rebuttal, it soothes something in Nate to know he's not forcing anything, to know there's no quiet resentment building up, ready to explode when he least expects it. It brings a little quirk to his lips that could charitably be called a smile. "It does, doesn't it?" Despite the way the joke trips coming out of Sunjata's mouth, Nate appreciates the attempt. "Can't have both of us out of commission, can we?" He manages to joke back, a little more successfully, though that really isn't saying too much. It's an attempt, and if both of them work at it, it has to be worth something, right?
There's a disconnect, when Nate takes the bandage off. The face he has is not the one he knows, and it functions as well as any mask, any wall he could put up intentionally. Even where the singular blue gaze meets the attuned, there's a cautious distance, instead of the intense depth Nate usually fixed the other man with. The hand on his jaw has Nate going very still, as if the avian current in Sunjata runs deeper, as if a movement will send him fleeing.
"The healings slowed down. I don't... I don't know how much better than this it will get." It's clearly not an admission Nate wants to make, as he presses in against the hand on his jaw, as he leans into the heavy furry body at his side. He sighs, focusing instead on what Sunjata shares, the mention of research lifting a brow, the wrong brow, tugging at barely healed and already irritated skin. "I remember that." He murmurs softly, despite the fact that all he really remembered was the state Sam had come back in, messy and panicked and guilty. "Maybe I'll ask to match Ru." This joke comes far more naturally, a little snort accompanying it as he drifted past the mention of abilities.
Pemota seemed to approve of Sunjata's offer, the young starwhal moving from her perch above them to circle the attuned's shoulders. Going to speak to the Voice was an inevitability at this point, though something about it felt cheap, felt wrong. As much as he wanted things to go back to normal, that wasn't the way to do it, wasn't the way to heal from this. Closing it up only let all the worst things fester. But Nate shifts again, not worried about Haai this time as he moves to sit beside Sunjata, an arm coming to wrap around him. "I'm not ready yet. I don't... want new abilities, or anything like that."
He didn't even feel it anymore, so he should be able to pick things back up, should be able to step back into the role he'd gotten used to like it was nothing, and yet, no matter how he tried, he couldn't bring himself to. He wasn't even sure if he'd go back to his clinic yet, or if it had just been something to say, some goal to make it sound like he'd progressed in something.
No matter how he flinches at the immediate rebuttal, it soothes something in Nate to know he's not forcing anything, to know there's no quiet resentment building up, ready to explode when he least expects it. It brings a little quirk to his lips that could charitably be called a smile. "It does, doesn't it?" Despite the way the joke trips coming out of Sunjata's mouth, Nate appreciates the attempt. "Can't have both of us out of commission, can we?" He manages to joke back, a little more successfully, though that really isn't saying too much. It's an attempt, and if both of them work at it, it has to be worth something, right?
There's a disconnect, when Nate takes the bandage off. The face he has is not the one he knows, and it functions as well as any mask, any wall he could put up intentionally. Even where the singular blue gaze meets the attuned, there's a cautious distance, instead of the intense depth Nate usually fixed the other man with. The hand on his jaw has Nate going very still, as if the avian current in Sunjata runs deeper, as if a movement will send him fleeing.
"The healings slowed down. I don't... I don't know how much better than this it will get." It's clearly not an admission Nate wants to make, as he presses in against the hand on his jaw, as he leans into the heavy furry body at his side. He sighs, focusing instead on what Sunjata shares, the mention of research lifting a brow, the wrong brow, tugging at barely healed and already irritated skin. "I remember that." He murmurs softly, despite the fact that all he really remembered was the state Sam had come back in, messy and panicked and guilty. "Maybe I'll ask to match Ru." This joke comes far more naturally, a little snort accompanying it as he drifted past the mention of abilities.
Pemota seemed to approve of Sunjata's offer, the young starwhal moving from her perch above them to circle the attuned's shoulders. Going to speak to the Voice was an inevitability at this point, though something about it felt cheap, felt wrong. As much as he wanted things to go back to normal, that wasn't the way to do it, wasn't the way to heal from this. Closing it up only let all the worst things fester. But Nate shifts again, not worried about Haai this time as he moves to sit beside Sunjata, an arm coming to wrap around him. "I'm not ready yet. I don't... want new abilities, or anything like that."
I just want them
To mean something
To mean something
