we used to play outside when we were young & full of life & full of love
"You are. Yer doin' it." There's warmth in your eyes and in your voice as you look down at his floating figure, a chuckle only partially buried beneath the sound of the sea. The excitement of his eyes, the grin on his face- it's enough to make even your battered old soul feel warm and light, pleased with the night. "Welcome to the ocean, Red."
Snorting off his compliment about being a good teacher, you shrug your shoulders easily before dropping back onto your knees. "'s easy when y'got a good student," you tease back lightly, splashing water onto his stomach. But the lightness fades when Sam goes on, your smile faltering down to something serious, bittersweet. You falter at the reminder of the upbringing that the young man endured.
The reminder of the upbringing your son will never have.
"Yer father was a cunt, Red." There's a wry almost-smile on your face that totally lacks any humor. You've turned your gaze back to the shoreline, distant firelight catching in your eyes. When you speak again, your voice is soft. "Dunno... sometimes I think maybe it's better. That he never had t'deal with the shit of the world. That I never had a chance t'fail him." Your breath catches: you know you shouldn't think or say it, and you know you'd give anything to bring your son back.
But when you think of the pain that people go through, good people, people like Sam... well. Devastating as the loss of Ray was, at least you know he's safe from hardship. That he will never live to see the people who should hold him up highest inevitably let him down.
Snorting off his compliment about being a good teacher, you shrug your shoulders easily before dropping back onto your knees. "'s easy when y'got a good student," you tease back lightly, splashing water onto his stomach. But the lightness fades when Sam goes on, your smile faltering down to something serious, bittersweet. You falter at the reminder of the upbringing that the young man endured.
The reminder of the upbringing your son will never have.
"Yer father was a cunt, Red." There's a wry almost-smile on your face that totally lacks any humor. You've turned your gaze back to the shoreline, distant firelight catching in your eyes. When you speak again, your voice is soft. "Dunno... sometimes I think maybe it's better. That he never had t'deal with the shit of the world. That I never had a chance t'fail him." Your breath catches: you know you shouldn't think or say it, and you know you'd give anything to bring your son back.
But when you think of the pain that people go through, good people, people like Sam... well. Devastating as the loss of Ray was, at least you know he's safe from hardship. That he will never live to see the people who should hold him up highest inevitably let him down.
zephyr
