My mind is where it bent

"Perhaps ... but when I went up I did not know she was alone. Jigano and Phoebe were meant to be with her. I did not think she would need that from me." Remi rubbed wearily at his eyes. Next time I will ask, he might have said, if it seemed like there was going to be a next time in their future. Remi exhaled a long and tired stream of air. Every time his eyes closed his body begged to keep them that way so that he could pass out into unconsciousness. His mind and soul needed time to recharge and digest all that was happening. But no. Some things could not wait. He knew that, just as he knew that if he asked Sam to just come to bed with him, to put off this talk for one more day, that it would be too late. Sam would say no. The bookmaker needed answers now. Only Remi didn't have them to give. "No." Remi agreed softly, in a voice that was wounded and low and hurt. "I did not say anything.." The alchemist couldn't tell if this was easier or harder for not being able to see Sam. In the darkness even with his hawk-eyes, the most he caught was a glint of copper here and there. He could hear the sniffles and sense the tears on Sam's cheeks, but all Remi could see were crates and cabinets in a fortress around Sam. "Sam..." Remi tried, leaning against the wall with one of his hands gently massaging his brow where a thunderstorm of bloodloss and exhaustion had begun to erupt in a pounding drumbeat.  "You asked me once, about Loren. I told you that I had fallen in love with him, shortly before we came here. But that was not so long ago Sam. Just a season, really. I never allowed myself to love anyone before, but then it happened and.." The hand on his head lowered to his chest, rubbing against the muscles there as if his heart literally heart.  His eyes closed and he sighed. "And then he was just gone. One day he was here and we were together and the next...well like I said before, if Edy is to be believed, he quite literally moved on with someone else." Peering into the darkness, both hoping and not to see Sam, Remi took a beat before continuing. "I had no closure. For a long time I just expected him to appear, to walk into my shop as he once did and..." Remi trailed off, tears biting at the back of his eyes, but he was far too weary to keep them from falling. "Sometimes I still expect that." Remi admitted, his accent contorting the words into some sad melody that he almost couldn't even understand. "Do you know what a rebound is, Sam? When you try to move on too quickly? I..." Sighing into the familiar sting of tears, Remi rested his head fully against the wall and wrapped his arms around himself. "I do not want that to be what this is."  He concluded, voice and posture resigned. remi Too long till I drown in your hands