[Seasonal Event] Escape From/To You

In the depth of his slumber, as one of Sam's hands had reached out to curl around his waist, the alchemist reciprocated. Remi was a cuddler by nature despite how very seldom he actually had the opportunity to do so. Besides, it was cold in the temple and Sam was so perfectly the right temperature that his body seemed to think nothing of the way his fingers crested over Sam's hip, rounding there and then tugging the man closer. At some point though, Sam's words began to bubble through to his slumbering subconscious. Choruses of I'm sorry echoed deep in Remi's brain, the refrain of Sam's softly whispered words gently pulling him up from sleep. At some point, though Remi couldn't quite tell when during Sam's soliloquy it was, the alchemist began to listen. And each word was like a needle beneath his skin. There was what had happened with Isla...that was something they could navigate, the alchemist was sure. A misunderstanding, just something Sam needed reassurance about. Remi was nothing if not honest and faithful, but that wasn't the problem. The problem was Loren. The problem was always Loren, and those four little words Sam couldn't bring himself to say. Until you love me. Eyes closed still, tears slipped down the alchemist's cheeks in silent but steady tributaries. He tried to keep his face smooth and not let the trembling of emotion he felt within show. For the first time, Remi's heart was properly broken. Frey had already worked their magic when the alchemist found out that Loren was off with someone else. Now though, the wounds which had only been mental before, now tore at all of Remi's soft and uncalloused places.  He felt the inexorable urge  to scream at the sky demanding it tell him why. To demand at least a goodbye from the librarian or some explanation of why it all had to end so soon. He wanted to curse Loren for leaving him to feel like this, to beg for just one more kiss, just one more glance into those Launceleyn-blues... Nothing was fair or right or deserved, and yet here he lay, pretending to be asleep in the same bed where only the night before he and Ronin had lay, lamenting Vanya's untimely death. Only now he was here with Sam, who was whispering soft I love yous and wondering if it was over. Over? Had it even really begun? Remi hadn't ever fully given into what this relationship could be. Loren always lingered in the background, and now with his feelings returned Remi wasn't sure he was going to be able to breathe without feeling his heart ache, much less some how take care of Sam. Do not love me, he should tell Sam. You deserve someone whole. You deserve so much better. But instead he just silently laid there, trying not to let his tears make a sound. REMI Loving you was sunshine, but then it poured & I lost so much more than my senses 'Cause loving you had consequences