you're trying not to tell him you love him, and you're trying to choke down the feeling
It's not much, but its all they can have for now. A blanket wrapped, distant touch, and it has to be good enough while the both of them crack and crumble. Hands clench and loosen in the blankets, Nate trying to work out everything he wants in that simple, useless motion, instead of squeezing, instead of deciding fuck the pain and pressing them together anyway.
Ek weet, ek doen. Ek wil jou vashou. It's the only thing he's wanted to do for ages now, it's become the new beat of his heart. As far as he's concerned, the only wedge between them here and now is the one put there by his own hands Safrin, and her hateful influence on him. His head moves, lips searching for something safe to press against while his arms squeeze Sunjata tighter. Ek het nou net... How does he explain himself, how does he justify this? How can more distance sound like a good thing?
Swallowing down the lump in his throat, Nate shifts just a little, just enough to be able to speak. "I don't want to stay and... and resent you. I can't do that to you." There are two warring sides in him, each gaining and losing ground without anything really changing for the last few days. Stay, or leave. Leave, or stay. "I have to know for sure." He wishes that his voice trembled. Wishes he could force more emotion into it, but he seems to have run dry, tears that had fallen earlier wiping him out.
Ek weet, ek doen. Ek wil jou vashou. It's the only thing he's wanted to do for ages now, it's become the new beat of his heart. As far as he's concerned, the only wedge between them here and now is the one put there by his own hands Safrin, and her hateful influence on him. His head moves, lips searching for something safe to press against while his arms squeeze Sunjata tighter. Ek het nou net... How does he explain himself, how does he justify this? How can more distance sound like a good thing?
Swallowing down the lump in his throat, Nate shifts just a little, just enough to be able to speak. "I don't want to stay and... and resent you. I can't do that to you." There are two warring sides in him, each gaining and losing ground without anything really changing for the last few days. Stay, or leave. Leave, or stay. "I have to know for sure." He wishes that his voice trembled. Wishes he could force more emotion into it, but he seems to have run dry, tears that had fallen earlier wiping him out.
& you're trembling and he reaches over
and touches you, like a prayer for which no words exist
NATE
