Jude
come on, come dance with me
Jude doesn't know how long it goes on really. He doesn't bother keeping track of time, merely notes the passage of it by the waves of her crying, the tempo of his hand gently rubbing her back. His own tears are a silent, intermittent trickle. He thought maybe he would cry more now that he allowed himself to, but there's a weird strength in providing a safe space for Sohalia that comforts him, centers him. It makes him feel good to know she's getting it all out, that he can help her the way his family does for him.
So when she pulls away, he can't help but feel a little cold, colder than the absence of her physical warmth can explain away. But though she pulls away, Jude still has her hand, and he gently squeezes it as her apologies stammer their way out. "Don't be sorry, I wanted you to do it," he reassures, though his own hand now feels like it's burning from the presumptuousness of continuing to hold hers. "I mean, I think you are happy. And very nice. There's nothing wrong with crying sometimes too though." ...right? Well, that's what his dad says, and Jude can't afford a crisis at sixteen, so he runs with it. "Even happy people can't be happy through losing their parents. Then how would anyone know we loved them?" Jude would consider it horribly rude to pretend Maeve's disappearance wasn't hurting him. How would anyone know the meaning of the loss, the depth of the relationship they'd had, if he pretended he was fine?
So when she pulls away, he can't help but feel a little cold, colder than the absence of her physical warmth can explain away. But though she pulls away, Jude still has her hand, and he gently squeezes it as her apologies stammer their way out. "Don't be sorry, I wanted you to do it," he reassures, though his own hand now feels like it's burning from the presumptuousness of continuing to hold hers. "I mean, I think you are happy. And very nice. There's nothing wrong with crying sometimes too though." ...right? Well, that's what his dad says, and Jude can't afford a crisis at sixteen, so he runs with it. "Even happy people can't be happy through losing their parents. Then how would anyone know we loved them?" Jude would consider it horribly rude to pretend Maeve's disappearance wasn't hurting him. How would anyone know the meaning of the loss, the depth of the relationship they'd had, if he pretended he was fine?
the earth is spinning, we can't just stand
