[o] [SE] longneck, ice cold beer never broke my heart

Iskra

BREATHE IT IN, IT'S JUST SNOW, WE'RE JUST FALLING
WE WON'T ALWAYS FREE FALL BACK TO NOTHING

He nodded along with her recommendation, and cracked a smile when she hinted it might not be the most exciting read. He could gather that much just from the subject matter, likely a bit dry and technical, something to chew on slowly, maybe a helpful sleep aid—not that such typically troubled him, despite all his other woes. "I'd like that. I'll have to hunt you down next time you're back in Halo."

His lips set into a concentrated line at the next books he suggested, the title alone enough to get him thinking. She solidified his thoughts as she briefly explained its premises, and his 'brows lifted faintly, surprised she'd be so forthcoming to him. "Is that one of those..." he'd been searching for the word since he heard the title. "Slut books? Snut?" His fingers rapped on the table, knowing he hadn't quite reclaimed the word from memory correctly, but his tongue refused to offer anything better. "The ones where the male character is always leaning in certain ways on doorframes to get the girl who doesn't like him, and growling when he talks? I've heard some have bat wings, even." Heard from who, he doesn't say, still perplexed by the entire thing. "How does one growl-talk anyway?"

I'M JUST STARTING TO LEARN
I'VE ALWAYS BEEN CHASING GHOSTS

Elizabeth

Even if he found the entire idea of psychology and the study of human theory dryer than Hak Etme, Elizabeth wouldn't have minded, but the fact that he showed any interest at all made her smile like the soft rays of dusk, warm and lingering despite the darkness of the room. "Of course. My door's always open." 

On the conversation of her other book, his question earned him the unsurprising return of her blush, because although 'The Prince Groom' could never be considered part of the smut category, it was still like he'd seen straight through to her darkest secret. She had thought the sweet, fairytale story was a better answer than when she'd unknowingly told Hadama the title of her last read and he'd known of the book, even going so far as to bring up its contents. It had been hard to look at the man for a few minutes. But apparently, it didn't matter what title she mentioned, because it always led to the mortifying topic of smut. And hearing the word 'slut' slip from Iskra's mouth did nothing to help, a crimson shade burning to her cheeks as he gave some very specific examples that she couldn't deny having read (and liked). It made her shift in her seat, looking anywhere but his eyes as she tried and failed admirably to contain her embarrassment.

Worried she might burst into literal flames if he kept talking, Elizabeth raised her hands in a motion that looked suspiciously like she'd been caught. "No no no. It's definitely not smut." In her flustering, she didn't catch that she was very much admitting her knowledge of the genre by knowing its proper name, especially as she added, "It's much more innocent than those."

Dive into the sea of thought,
and find there pearls beyond price.

Iskra

BREATHE IT IN, IT'S JUST SNOW, WE'RE JUST FALLING
WE WON'T ALWAYS FREE FALL BACK TO NOTHING

While normally merciful and considerate with his jokes and playfulness, he couldn't deny the warmth that spread through him when he watched her visibly squirm under the topic at hand. His confusion and flippant recollections of the literary possibility gradually melted into a wan smile. He slowed his words, realizing halfway through when her blush flared against her cheeks, vibrant and fast, as if a light under a red lampshade had been turned on. His grin grew nearly as quickly, and he leaned his head back against a hand propped up on the table, languid with this newfound weakness of the otherwise infallible doctor.

"I see," he murmured in response to her hasty clarification. A pause, his earthen eyes sweeping the contours of her face in consideration of just how much blush he wanted to elicit. "What is your, professional assessment of such books?" His eyes flashed with laughter as they skipped from her eyes to her cheeks. "I mean, I'm curious about the people who would indulge in these fantasies. Is it a testament to what women want, or is it just certain women? And the people who write them... do you think they have husbands to help them act out the scenes, or is it someone they employ perhaps, to keep work and home separated?" He rubbed at his beard as if in thought. "Maybe it's the readers that do the acting out?"

I'M JUST STARTING TO LEARN
I'VE ALWAYS BEEN CHASING GHOSTS

Elizabeth

Now he had her. 

Elizabeth suddenly felt that she didn't have nearly enough alcohol in her system for this - for the way Iskra's eyes seemed to pin her in place, looking like he knew way too much for her liking and was enjoying every second of her embarrassment. It made her heart tumble down an errant path of leaps and slippery slopes, rattling against her chest as it seemed to prioritize the blood to her cheeks over her brain. 

She practically squeaked at the question, baffled that he would ask, her mouth nearly hanging slack. "My opinion?" Of course he wanted her opinion. She had just gone on and on about people and motives and relationships and finding it all so fascinating, so why wouldn't he think that she'd considered all of these things? The only problem was that it was very hard to think through what logics she'd come up with when Iskra was talking about all the ways women might act them out while his smile had her breath catching in her chest. 

"I-I don't think - I mean - I-I I'm not sure - Maybe - " Her teeth bit her lip against the onslaught of broken phrases. Elizabeth couldn't seem to properly start or finish a single simple sentence or idea without being extremely obvious that she had thought about such things - and that she was absolutely the best person to ask due to profession and personal experience. But this wasn't something she'd ever spoken about aloud before, and she couldn't seem to school her expression like she might have if they were still talking about the very respectable establishments of brothels. Her hands fidgeted with the white silk of her blouse sleeves, unsure what to do with them or why she couldn't find a comfortable way to sit in her chair, her weight shifting and legs adjusting as if she might find some kind of relief from her humiliation.

Finally covering her face with her hands in surrender, she let out a mortified laugh. Her slender hands did nothing to hide the cherry red stain of her cheeks, or the fact that it had spread to her ears and down her neck, tingling with reminder of her own dirty mind. Elizabeth leaned back in her chair like it might somehow make her small enough to disappear, or that a little distance from Iskra might give her enough air to cool the burning. It helped a little that she couldn't see him through her hands for a moment, a low sound like a mix between a squeal and a groan slipped through her lips as she was finally able to make words. "Oh my gosh. Please stop talking." When she peeked through her fingers at him, the humiliation in the brown of her eyes was enough to say, 'Or I might combust on the spot.'

Dive into the sea of thought,
and find there pearls beyond price.

Iskra

BREATHE IT IN, IT'S JUST SNOW, WE'RE JUST FALLING
WE WON'T ALWAYS FREE FALL BACK TO NOTHING

Ever the portrait of innocence, Iskra had to fight to keep from breaking as Elizabeth began to wither in place. He could trace the embarrassment like a psychic reading future in the lines of a palm. It was a greater effect than he'd hoped for, and he wondered if the good doctor had some of her own pyramid bricks she needed to straighten out if books could get her so flushed.

He at last relented when she had been reduced to a mouse peeking through the reeds of her fingers, to which he chuckled with a depth of satisfaction. "Oh, sorry," he offered with honest apology, not having meant to delve quite so deep into her public humiliation. He pulled on the back of his neck with a hand for a moment. "I didn't mean to cross a line." Both hands flattened back on the table, one sweeping across it to spread some of the glass condensation that had dripped down, as if he could also pull away her shame with it. "It's just—" he paused, glancing up at her, having dropped his gaze to the small water droplets beading on the table. He felt this was safer territory for her, something about himself he was willing to expose now, but he checked to make sure he wasn't about to break the golden tether of friendship beginning to shimmer between them.

"I thought maybe I could learn a thing or two from them, if they were useful in that way. There's someone I—" He hesitated. What did her feel about her? He'd never stopped to really piece it out, and certainly didn't think he could start by blurting it out to this half-stranger first. He licked his lips, a nervous smile threading his features. "There's someone I want to impress." That much was true. He could admit to that much.

A pause, a finger tapping the smooth table in silent thought and debate. "Do you believe in love at first sight?" He searched her eyes for some clue before she might speak to it. He wanted to know if there was any science behind the depths of what he felt for her, or if he was just as foolish as ever.

I'M JUST STARTING TO LEARN
I'VE ALWAYS BEEN CHASING GHOSTS

Elizabeth

That particular brick in Elizabeth's pyramid was dull, thick with dust, and slightly askew in the pile after years of neglect and the minor attentions. A combination of work and a desire to be romanced out of her pants left her with few opportunities to properly care for the brick, and Iskra was making its condition achingly apparent.

His deep chuckle at her embarrassment had her groaning a laugh, a smile sneaking onto her lips in light of her own suffering and the way his voice curled comfortably in her ears. The apology made her hands lower to her mouth, slowly emerging from her 'hiding place' as he relented. A fire still burned across her cheeks as she moved cautiously forward with each word, like he was drawing her back into orbit with each swipe of his hand. 

Unsure whether he thought she was upset with the teasing, she bit the inside of her cheek, her voice soft and gentle as her hands lowered again, settling delicately against the table once more. "You didn't." Because although she was very aware of every nerve on her reddened skin, there was no anger amongst her self-consciousness. And how could she blame him when he looked so earnest? When he had only been asking very logical, 'scientific' questions that she herself had asked? And to hear that it was all for the benefit of someone else? 

Elizabeth hid a wince behind a warm smile when she imagined what lucky girl he might be so invested in. She shouldn't be jealous. She'd only just met the man, and he seemed too kind for her to be anything but happy for whoever it might be. She refused to ruin the night or their budding friendship with her misunderstanding or easily swayed heart. Instead, she bottled a few thoughts for later, ones she'd do her own self-analysis of through journaling and deep thinking; lifting her eyes across the table, she said his name like she might reach out to reassure him. "Iskra, you don't need smut to be impressive." The look in her eyes finished with 'You already are,' genuine and encouraging with a hint of amusement that she carefully curated.

Yet her stomach fluttered at his next question, a butterfly running rampant within her torso, knocking over everything she'd just painstakingly organized within. Any other day, any other night, any other person and Elizabeth might have launched into a theory of human attraction and probabilities surrounding 'love at first sight,' but none of that seemed to matter as Iskra searched her eyes, the depth of his dark gaze giving her the impression that it was more than theoretical curiosity. It made her near-dizzy with something akin to relief. 

Feeling both emboldened and light in the aftermath of so many emotions, she gave him a timid smile tinged with the fragile shimmer of longing. "Maybe, but I think there's only one way to know for sure." It was barely above a whisper, almost cautious in case she was reading things wrong, even as she leaned forward slightly, hopefully, as her eyes scanned him back, taking in every inch of his rugged appearance and the softness she found in his eyes.

Dive into the sea of thought,
and find there pearls beyond price.

Iskra

BREATHE IT IN, IT'S JUST SNOW, WE'RE JUST FALLING
WE WON'T ALWAYS FREE FALL BACK TO NOTHING

Her response was like a smooth hand pressed against his cheek, instantly calming and warm with support. Though he couldn't quite interpret the words her eyes attempted to form, their kindness and confidence, layered across his name, was a balm for the parts of him that were still trying to form scars. "I know, I know..." he said with a steady exhale, but it seemed like he was still trying to convince himself. "But, if that's the fantasy women like, if those are the heroes they want, then maybe there's something to be learned there, don't ya think?" Not the smut part of it, per say, although given Iskra hadn't so much as kissed a girl that could certainly prove instructional as well. He just thought, maybe there were mannerisms the men had that he could attempt to adopt. A smolder or two to trial and and see if it garnered the same response as on the paper. Many things could be learned, had to be. Maybe smut was the textbook for wooing women, and he it's capable student.

He smiled, finding humor in himself as he glanced down at his hands that had begun to fidget. He quieted them with a gentle press against the table. "It wouldn't be the only thing. I know I have to start practicing at the barracks, and maybe the academy too. I've leant my talents to hauling around my wood for too long, time to find some balance, I think, and become better rounded." Become a weapon, he didn't say, because the idea rubbed against the very grain of him. He couldn't keep pretending that hiding in the forest was doing him any good though, and it was not doing enough for everyone else, or her. So while he couldn't bring himself to say it, that's what it would be. Maybe breaking himself and reforging as something new would make him feel better. "I just want to be worthy." of her.

He watched her carefully as she analyzed his more scientific request. Her smile, mild but there and sweeter than the others she'd flashed him, it gave him hope that he was on to something real and not imagined. She spoke softly. Too soft, so he leaned in, his hands gliding across the table in a manner that seemed less for balance and more to erase the space between them. Anything to better absorb what she had to say on this matter. She leaned in too, unexpectedly, and his fingers grazed the tips of hers as his attention strained wholly on the shape of her mouth, trying to discern those barely audible words. "How?" he nearly begged, whispering himself, as if afraid anything more might break the moment and send the answer fluttering out of reach.

I'M JUST STARTING TO LEARN
I'VE ALWAYS BEEN CHASING GHOSTS

Elizabeth

The teasing air had died, and Elizabeth found her faculties returning as she watched Iskra, still trying to puzzle out his feelings. She tilted her head, hair fluttering around her face as she inspected him. "Perhaps, but if it's not who you really are, why does it matter? You want someone who likes you for you, not just silly moves like leaning against doorframes." There was a humor in her smile, liking that he cared so much, that he was willing to put in efforts to woo a woman. It endeared her, and it was hard to ignore the fluttering still in her chest.

She didn't miss the nervous energy in his body or the mention of the Academy, filing her curiosity away for later as she gently cautioned him. "That's admirable, but only if it's what you want. Don't change for someone else." Her therapist mind knew how much bitterness could come from building everything around a single person, how detrimental it would be to lose the relationship that had formed the foundation. And if he was talking about her (which she still flushed to think about) then she hoped he knew she would never ask that of him - never want that of anyone unless it made them happy. 

Despite the fact that her mind was finding small reasons to believe she wasn't the mystery girl he was speaking of - talks of change so soon after meeting someone, his glances away, the continued hypothetical rather than admission - her heart didn't seem to get the message. She couldn't pull her eyes away as he leaned in, closing the distance between them easily. The brush of his hand against hers felt like her magic sparking up her arm, a tingle of electricity humming at her fingertips while her pulse thrummed in her ears. 

What was he doing to her?

Elizabeth felt her breath catch as he glanced at her lips, their whispered responses feeling like intimately shared secrets written in the warmth of the air between them. She tried to focus, to answer his question honestly, based on her own beliefs. Her words were soft and airy, her own eyes shifting to his mouth as she said, "To be the one experiencing it." How could anyone deny love at first sight if they had firsthand experience with it? Unconsciously, her head tilted slightly as if reaching out for him, wondering if he might just kiss her. "No matter what science or books or history says, if you feel it in your heart, that's all that matters."

Dive into the sea of thought,
and find there pearls beyond price.

Iskra

BREATHE IT IN, IT'S JUST SNOW, WE'RE JUST FALLING
WE WON'T ALWAYS FREE FALL BACK TO NOTHING

Her answer lands like a feather when he was braced for an arrow. A flicker of disappointment cannot help but strain his gaze and he hauls it away from her, sliding back to slump against the contours of his seat. The secret air between them scattered like startled fireflies, and the shape of her lips lost all interest for him. It wasn't disillusionment of her, just, he wished the answer could be something so simple or readily available to pluck from the cosmos and make things certain. He wanted to understand why his heart jumped into his throat when he was near her, why it had since the moment he first beheld her. Why he would stare into a fire and imagine her hair was dancing there, alive in the wind, likely from her running barefoot down a beach with salt and laughter and gulls overhead. What he knew of love? It had never felt like that. He just thought, maybe he finally felt happy with her, which seemed something rarer.

"Hmm," he murmured, unconvinced. "That's hard to know, when love feels different for everyone. Like any experience, it's unique, isn't it? The blue of your sky might be different from the blue of mine, but we call it blue because we have been told it's blue. All the while mine might actually be what I know of as purple." A laugh then, at himself. "...I sound like a fool pretending to be smarter than I am." He sighed heavily, resigned to the fate of never knowing. "It just...seems like something too important to feel right away." So then what did he feel, with [her? "It feels like making up names for colors before learning them...I don't know, I'm talking nonsense." He shook his head and laughed freely at his ramblings. He reached down for a distraction in Goose's fur, ever his support.

Earlier, she was not wrong, but it's one of those situations that wasn't exactly black and white. For starters, she was assuming he wasn't a mess of a man who had long ago broken and attempted to put himself back together with the help of a dog and only one hand that was deeply inebriated. You weren't supposed to be left with extra pieces when you were done, but he had, and chucked them into Torchline's sea until the waves rounded it out and sprinkled it back on the shore.

Change was precisely what Iskra needed.

"What you said earlier—what makes us who we really are?" The tilt of her curious head had echoed Goose's inquiries whenever he had cheese on hand. He'd felt her assessment, but he'd been too eager to lean in and whisper about nothing, so he'd stayed quiet and let her speak. "I'd think it's all the silly little things we do, many of which we learn. It starts with family, extends to friends, is shaped with school and work and every little experience along the way, wouldn't you say?" He might not be so well read as her, not even an iota as sophisticated, but Iskra had spent long nights wondering why he is the way he is. Analyzing others, he did not much bother. Picking apart himself? Until he bled.

"I don't think you can help but change. Especially because of someone else." A smile, frail but strong enough to remain there on his lips as something sad tried to pull it away. "Isn't that what love is, being changed by someone?"

I'M JUST STARTING TO LEARN
I'VE ALWAYS BEEN CHASING GHOSTS

Elizabeth

His sudden and sharp departure was like getting caught in the Tundra without so much as her underwear, the shock enough to make her jerk back. The moment gone, Elizabeth was crushed by the look of disappointment on Iskra's face. She knew it wasn't directed at her, but it didn't change the fact that it was now blatantly obvious that she was not the girl in question, and she'd quite nearly made a fool of herself by getting drawn in by his big brown eyes and infectious laughter and kind words and - 

Elizabeth looked away to cool the shameful blush on her cheeks, trying to reorient enough to be supportive of the not-so-hypothetical questions. It hurt that she wasn't the girl he was pining after, but there was still some lucky woman out there, just waiting for him to make the move - when he was ready. She tried to put on a brave face, her smile warm despite the bit of tightness around her eyes as she met his gaze. "No. It makes sense. You don't know if you can call the feeling 'love' because you can't compare it to what others have experienced, and until someone confirms your feelings as such, you hesitate to call it 'love.'" Her head nodded, as if it was something she'd heard time and time again. "That's natural, but sadly, there's no textbook on love. People have defined it and tried to describe it in all capacities, but the truth is that it's different for everyone; how it feels, how it develops, how it looks. No amount of reading is going to make it easier to identify." Obviously she'd even misinterpreted the signs. 

The thought made her blush again, and she took a deep, stabilizing breath to cool the embarrassment in the light of guidance and advice. "I agree. Changing because of someone is different than changing for someone." Tracing the top of her empty glass with a delicate finger, she continued to settle into her role as faithful confidant. "None of us can help but be influenced by those around us - in both positive and negative ways; having a role model or a bully. But that's usually unconscious, a slow press that shifts the course of your identity and motivations." She looked back up at Iskra, her emotions finally calming as she tilted her head. "It's only when you strive to reforge your entire identity to benefit someone else that it can be problematic." Like building a house on a foundation that may break or shift or disappear entirely. It could form dependency or lost purpose.

However, if change was what he wanted in the end, Elizabeth would fulfill her duty as the willing supporter. "So, as long as the change is as much for you as it is them, then you shouldn't have any issues." Her smile was brighter, hoping to encourage him in whatever endeavors it was he had planned.

Dive into the sea of thought,
and find there pearls beyond price.

Iskra

BREATHE IT IN, IT'S JUST SNOW, WE'RE JUST FALLING
WE WON'T ALWAYS FREE FALL BACK TO NOTHING

He couldn’t quite put his finger on what had changed. He wasn’t as attentive as she was, and he didn’t always see the layers of meaning in things the way she did. But he could feel it—something had shifted, like a thinning had happened between them. It settled with greater certainty the more he spoke, and he tried to watch as much as listen as she responded in turn, as clever as ever. The conversation did little to fill the hollow space in his heart where his doubt thrived. Though it was as fascinating as anything she'd said so far, this one had wrinkled them, and so he cut it away with a frown. "S-sorry," he stammered a bit as she finished, an outstretched palm gestured towards her briefly. "I didn't mean to set you back to work again. I'm sure you deal with explaining love more than enough already."

A smile then, an attempted bridge back to safer ground, though he'd never know that he'd torn away whatever flower had been budding in her chest for him. Iskra's golden retriever energy carried him to safety in conversation rather often. "If you'd prefer to swap roles, I could tell you all about the different types of wood." A broader grin, because he knew she definitely would not want that. "Although that might also prove to be an effective sleep aid."

I'M JUST STARTING TO LEARN
I'VE ALWAYS BEEN CHASING GHOSTS

Elizabeth

The apology was met with a soft smile and a polite shake of her head. She had that kind of effect on people, the one where people felt comfortable opening up to her, in asking for advice and looking for answers. Most days, Elizabeth enjoyed the experience, diving into the topics with a fervor that sometimes scared people. "Don't worry about it. I chose this profession because I like these kinds of conversations." Although they weren't usually in the wake of having her heart flipped, rattled, then turned inside out. But she still liked talking with Iskra anyways, carefully soothing her soul so she might continue in his company until her skyship was ready to depart for Halo. 

Chuckling, she hoped to emulate the earlier lightness of their conversation. Elizabeth propped her head on her hand again, tapping a finger against her cheek. "Hmm. Maybe... OR, you could tell me all about this special someone." There was a playful grin on her face, disguising the bit of jealousy in light of friendly curiosity and a little bit of revenge for his earlier teasing.

Dive into the sea of thought,
and find there pearls beyond price.

Iskra

BREATHE IT IN, IT'S JUST SNOW, WE'RE JUST FALLING
WE WON'T ALWAYS FREE FALL BACK TO NOTHING

She's comforting in the way he always wished to be for others, but time and time again he was the one that needed it. Maybe one day he'd be better.

A nervous smile met her tilted one, and this time it was Iskra who's cheeks were changing color. "Oh, just..." Melita was special, he could say as much, many people could. That wasn't what Elizabeth was asking though, not really. It wasn't about a name or a description of her enchanting eyes. It was what made her special to him, and that was something Iskra was still too scared to ask himself in the quiet darkness of his room at night. Once he asked, he'd need to know the answer. He wasn't sure he wanted to risk losing whatever bit of her he had by wanting more, by changing the way he looked at her. Better to be safe and keep it how it was. So since he couldn't even think it, he sure as hell couldn't say it. Saying something out loud made it that much more real. He'd already toed a scary line asking about love at first sight, but he'd been able to brush that off as theoretical research, not the arrhythmia of his heart every time the Honeybee was near. A groan morphed into a low chuckle as he pulled his hand across his forehead and back through his hair. "Someone who deserves better, that's all." A sigh, a defeated glance towards the door.

She would be immortal and outlive him anyway, so whatever time he had with her was borrowed, no need to ruin it with unnecessary complications.

At his side Goose whined softly, the faintest tail wag starting. Iskra murmured something to the dog and looked back at Elizabeth. "The boy is telling me it's bed time. It's been great to get to know you, Elizabeth." He smiled with an honest appreciation. Perhaps, in a different life, if he wasn't already enamored with a wildfire of a woman, they would have stayed here and talked until morning.

I'M JUST STARTING TO LEARN
I'VE ALWAYS BEEN CHASING GHOSTS

Elizabeth

The flush of his cheeks told Elizabeth all she needed to know about the depth of his emotions, a warmth filling the ache of her heart. It was his groaning chuckle that made her smile, having heard the sound from plenty of men plagued by love. But one of the skills of a therapist was knowing when to press, and it was blatantly obvious that this was not the time, especially as he seemed to look for escape from the conversation. There was a flash of guilt across her features for having scared him away with her question, a slight self-scolding that she'd continue later, wondering whether it was the alcohol, the aftermath of her misunderstanding, or being too comfortable to consider the consequences of her inquiry. Whatever the reason, she'd have a long ride home to consider it. 

Nodding politely at his excuse, she crossed her arms along the top of the table, content to wait for him to depart before leaving herself. "It's been a pleasure to meet you as well, Iskra." The honey sweetness of her voice pulled at his name, a lingering flutter in her chest that she gave space for one last time before gently closing the door. Glancing down at 'the boy,' she gave him a warm smile. "And you, Goose." She offered a hand to the dog, happy to provide any final scratches he may want. 

When he had accepted or denied her affections, Elizabeth propped against the table again, the smile on her face deepening as it met Iskra again. "I hope to see you around Halo more. Don't be a stranger." Despite the friendly chime, there was a hint of sadness in her voice as she realized she'd be on her way home soon, sitting in a skyship alone with all these emotions. Hopefully by the time they'd met again, she'd have processed her embarrassment.

Dive into the sea of thought,
and find there pearls beyond price.