there's no alibi

Don't paint wonderful lies on me that wash away

The pale ancient nodded fervently. "Just so." A hateful feeling, a niggling inability to comprehend why things had turned out the way they had, the urge to turn her back on the whole issue and say good riddance to everyone involved conflicting with her solemn vow to stop running. Maybe it would be better to talk... maybe she wouldn't lose her head this time. Maybe frustration and defensiveness wouldn't get in the way of seeing clearly. One could only hope.

Though she almost wondered if she'd missed something already when Charlie paused before answering. The reasoning behind hacking against the wall had Maea kipping for breath; knowing at least a fragment of what that was like. Only, in her case there were plenty of signs left of what she had lost. Ruins, overgrown orchards, the occasional farmer or merchant who still recognized the Valair name and knew what it had stood for. Crumbles - at least she had crumbles. Charlie didn't even have that.
"I'd be happy to help," she replied, softening considerably before the seemingly hopeless task. "And if you'd rather I don't, just say the word. I wouldn't want to step on something important."

Having no tools suitable for the task, Maea just dug up a dagger from her pack, and found a rock. Thus armed with rudimentary chisel and hammer, she searched the walls for a trace of old waterlines. Imagining where the river had flowed, where the whirlpools and rapids might have run, and where the flow slowed and allowed sediment, debris and forgotten things to sink down and settle. Picking a spot not entirely at random, she got to work.

"You've noticed these strange creatures about, yes? Void infected plants and animals... They appeared a year ago after a meteor fell. And at the beginning of Longheat a meteor fell. Starfall. That's when some people calling themselves the Family showed up. Ridiculously strong - even a demigod couldn't do more than run from one. They're the reason why I'm looking for the flowers, and part of the reason why I wanted to host the ball. Half for fun, half to serve as cover for a meeting where all the region leaders could meet in person. The way things went before, a storm of letters going everywhere, it felt like there should be a smoother way to do it, you know? And we could talk about how to deal with the invasion at the same time." It was as much for her own sake that Maea backtracked the story so far. Honestly, she could have gone back to her childhood and explained from there, because it had as much to do with what happened the other day as anything else, but... anyway.

"So I got the events going, and all the leaders showed up... and before any of us could say more than 'hello', this woman shows up. Dahlia. The one who sent one of the strongest people on Caido to the infirmary like a green trainee. She said something along the lines of 'oh, you must have forgotten my invitation' - and I said no. No mistake, she's not invited and could she please leave."

The hammering of steel on stone served as emphasis to the tale, filling any silence with a cling, clang, clang, - Maea's tone was clipped and to the point, trying her best to relate the events without omitting anything. "The leaders - most didn't say a word. The Wardens from Halo had brought their child and started backing, and Hadama of Torchline got up to stand with me, but... It was clear they all thought I'd done something stupid. And then Sunjata of course gets up and starts going on about how we should maybe sit down and talk to this woman if we're so scared of her, and that I had made a mistake, and she - !" The tone of the rhythm changed as agitation got hold of her again, putting more force into the blows than strictly necessary. "She gave me this look. Like I was nothing more than a fly she was about to squash, if only master suave hadn't interrupted. They start talking like nothing's wrong at all, Hadama basically says I should go calm down, and when I get to my senses and return to the room, it's over. She'd left, and it's all ruined. And Danta... blames me for how dangerous is got! As if it wasn't a dice toss whether we would live or die the moment she showed in the room!"

Aaand there her composure fractured all over again. Voice thick with rage Maea turned and hurled the rock across the cave. It smacked into a far wall and clattered uselessly to the ground; the impotent resolution only served to fuel Maea's frustration, but she had nothing else to take her feelings out on.

I can't relate to  d e s p e r a t i o n

"Nah! I'd love the help." The blonde chimed instantly, clearly not bothered by what Maea may or may not destroy in the process.

"Mhmm." Charlie says, bobbing her head as she hauled rocks away from part of the wall. Though she'd received bits and pieces of this story so far, hearing it from the lips of the loreseeker made it all infinitely easier to fit together in her mind. "Ooh, very clever." She interrupted, flashing Maea an approving smile for having used the Ball as a cover. Piling the rocks away, the ancient paused as the story began to come together—clearly it had a bad ending if Maea had gotten fired at the end of it—Charlie paused and looked over one shoulder with a frown. "Obviously." She agreed; Dahlia hadn't been invited. What else was there to say?

Not sure who any of the people Maea was mentioning were, Charlie just bundled them as "leaders" in her mind and nodded along. "Wh—" Setting down the chunks of obsidian she'd revealed, the priestess turned fully towards Maea, wrapping her tail around her knees as the other girl banged away at the stone. Even if there was nothing for them to find, perhaps banging away at some rock wasn't the worst way for the loreseeker to spend a few hours. If Charlie hadn't known Maea better, she'd have fit herself between the other woman's thighs or suggested they go kill something to relieve her stress, but...well, maybe this could work.

Watching as the rock as it was hurled across the room, Charlie redirected her gaze with her head cocked at an angle. "So...this woman said her invite was missing, and you said it wasn't and that you wanted her to leave? That's it?" Honestly, it sounded like something Charlie would have done. Maea was just answering her question, right?

Sucking on her lower lip thoughtfully, it was clear to Charlie that there were probably lots of nuances that she didn't understand. Things about Dahlia and the Family, things about the people in the room whose names she didn't recognize, but that didn't really change much. "Would you do it the same way, if you could do it all again?"

.

Don't paint wonderful lies on me that wash away

Glad for the questions because they forced her to focus on something, Maea turned to face Charlie and grimaced lightly. "In essence, but add a room with only one entrance, threats hanging in the air, the stench of fear and no one breathing because they're waiting to see if a head will roll. Then you're spot on." Red spots blazed on her cheeks. Without the stone to help her ruin the edge of her dagger she couldn't keep chipping at the rock, so she resorted to pacing instead. The skirts hampered her tail, kept it from swishing freely - in the low light of the cavern she felt trapped, closed in, reliving the suffocating moment in her office all over again.

"Well... I wouldn't leave, for one," she replied, bending her thoughts to what regrets she had about the fiasco. "And I would ask why there had to be an infant at a meeting, and I would choose a different location. But I wouldn't alter my action. Or my words. As far as I recall I was perfectly polite. No, there was no invitation for her. 'You were not invited. Please leave." Maea positively quivered with the strain of regulating her tone. "And when none of the others said a word in protest against either me or her, and she asked if I had made a mistake - clearly expecting me to change my mind or die - I answered that apparently I was since no one else was doing anything." Details. In grueling, almost loving detail she would describe what had happened, pick it apart piece by piece to uncover exactly how she had endangered everyone simply for stating the truth.

"That's beside the point, though. It's the fact that I was the least powerful person in the room save for the infant, in just as much danger as everyone else, but when I dared to take a stance I'm called reckless, endangering others, a martyr with a hero complex - oh, and apparently that meeting wasn't worth risking anything for, so it's apparently fine that the woman was able to find out about it, show up in the middle of the region without being stopped, threatened everyone and left without being stopped. Apparently it's pointless to try and fight that so we should just keep heads down and play along with the game, whatever the fuck that means."

Maybe if she'd had something to bite, this would start to feel better. Maybe if she thought killing something and soaking herself in blood wouldn't make her feel worse, hunting really might help. Black and purple somethings, that she didn't have to feel remorse for; maybe actually chipping away at the massive threat looming over her head would ease the gnawing, persistent dread that fueled this hectic need to act.

I can't relate to  d e s p e r a t i o n

"Ah." Charlie's tail flicks idly as she tries to imagine the scene that Maea is describing. It's difficult, if only because of how different politics (and buildings) were compared to her time, but threats were timeless.

Rather enjoying watching Maea begin to vaguely implode, if only because it was nice to see the loreseeker being passionate about something, Charlie began to move a few more rocks as the other girl spoke if only so that Maea could experience her emotions without Charlie's blue eyes constantly upon her. "And I take it Danta fired you because he disagreed as well?"

Tossing yet a few more rocks over one shoulder, Charlie let silence descend between them for a few moments so that Maea wouldn't think her answer was a flippant one given how quickly she'd come to it. "It sounds like things actually worked out for the best."  The priestess suggests, her tone gentle as if knowing this probably wasn't what Maea expected to hear. "You did what you thought was right, and that's good. That's what anyone would do." Charlie continues with a small shrug. "And if that isn't what the rest of them would do, so what? They aren't you. Who are they to say you're wrong, especially when you look back and think that actually, you would do it all again."

Mistakes were one thing. Fundamental disagreements though? That was something else entirely.

"So if you're going to get yelled at and told you did the wrong thing and not to do it again, better that you get fired. Now you can keep doing what you want without someone looking over your shoulder." People like Danta, like the rest of the leaders, only got to tell Maea she'd done something wrong in her capacity as...well, whatever her job had been. Without that job, the problem just disappeared.

Right?

.

Don't paint wonderful lies on me that wash away

Pausing in her aimless meandering to consider, she wiggled a reluctant hand in a manner to imply uncertainty. "I would assume so? We argued though, so that may have something to do with it. I admit I got heated and didn't choose my words well, but the message was fairly clear; get in line or get out. And I refuse to sit on my hands and do nothing while my home is threatened, just because there's risk involved."

Being told that losing her job was a good thing really did throw Maea for a loop. Staring at the priestess for a moment, something fell away beneath the fire within her and with a long sigh she seemed to deflate where she stood. Shrinking back into herself until that tired, listless expression returned. Merely upset, and tired, and lost.
"I guess. It's not really losing the job that upsets me. It's the way they ask why I did what I did and don't listen to the answer. It's the way I seem to have lost a lot of friends because I didn't run scared the way I probably should have... I don't know. Is it really that outrageous to stand up for oneself in the face of overwhelming odds? I'm not asking anyone to thank me or even to agree with my choices. But the way some have acted, it's as if I purposely set up the meeting just to paint targets on their back, judging by the way they scoff and threaten when I refuse to apologize for it." Mostly Deimos, honestly, but he hadn't been alone in expressing the sentiment.

I can't relate to  d e s p e r a t i o n

"Well, there you go!" Charlie chimes, her smile bright and fanged, and clearly at odds with how the loreseeker was feeling. Maea clearly knew what her stance was on these issues, which in Charlie's mind, meant case closed.

Not wanting (or being at all qualified) to get into the complexities of why other people did the things they did, the priestess found herself nodding along as Maea spoke, offering a comforting smile every now and then. "It's really easy to shoot someone else down, especially when you're afraid." Which, given what Maea had said about Dahlia thus far, everyone in the room probably was. "And it's even better if you can just blame someone else. You standing up probably made them all feel guilty because they were too scared to. " She adds with a small shrug, before breathing a small firey butterfly into life and sending it Maea's way as the ancient slumped against the wall.

"It's just one of those things. They're probably saying the same about you, that you wouldn't listen. That's what everyone says when people disagree." Rolling her eyes somewhat, the blonde tosses a rock a few feet away. "Let them scoff and threaten. You did what you thought was right and if they can say that yelling at you and scoffing and threatening is what they'd do again if given the chance, then fuck 'em." Grinning, Charlie bounces her eyebrows.

"It's like what we talked about before. Either you do what you want, or you make the choice to do things you don't want. Based on what you've said...you know exactly what you want to do and you aren't willing to do something you don't. That's good. Being who you are can ruffle feathers, but doesn't it feel better than the alternative?"

.

Don't paint wonderful lies on me that wash away

A glimmer of light flitted into view. Its delicate wings consisted of minute sparks of fire, glistening like gemstones, like sunlight, like smoldering embers in a campfire. Holding out a hand, Maea let it settle on a finger and watched how it cast a rim light of crimson over the skin, as if she too was about to start burning.

"I would probably be more inclined to listen to their side if they didn't start with so much threat or blame," she murmured, acknowledging her own lack of patience during the volatile discussions - plain arguments, really - she'd had before this point. Thumping her head lightly against the wall, listening and testing her own mental workings the way one might prod a tender bruise, what she found wasn't as jubilant and satisfactory as she had hoped.

"It makes me feel lonely," Maea sighed, closing her eyes. Cupping the butterfly in both hands, the warmth made her realize how cold her hands were. Too tense, unable to breathe properly - the upset was a physical thing at this point. "Like I have to choose between being me and being around someone I actually started to like. Danta, he - he pulled me out of stone, and gave me something to do, and agency to act... I thought it would be fine to actually let my guard down around him. But the moment I do..." When her voice began to waver, the pale ancient broke off and looked away. Off into the dark, where the bloody waterfall whispered and sighed. She wasn't going to cry. Refused to hurt herself on the Maverick; or so she told herself, even as pain kept flaring inside.

I can't relate to  d e s p e r a t i o n

"Mmm." Nodding her head, the little blonde seemed eager to agree. No one ever liked being shouted at (well, in certain situations maybe, but Charlie was fairly confident that Maea was not one of those people anyway), especially when so much was seemingly on the line. "But people suck." Charlie added with a small smile.

Reaching out to flutter the butterfly's wings against the cavern of Maea's palms, Charlie listened as her blue gaze ran over her counterpart's posture and the tension that seemed to linger in each of her movements. "That might be how it feels, especially in the moment, but do you think that's how it really is?" Lifting her eyebrows thoughtfully, Charlie pulls another few stones away from the wall before throwing them over her shoulder into the water.

"Obviously it feels way better when people agree with us about things, especially ones we feel strongly about, but...I mean, I think you can still absolutely be who you are—and even be very close with—people who you don't see eye to eye with." Smiling, the blonde gestured between herself and the loreseeker. "Take you and I for example. We talked things through about worshipping when we first met and even though we don't agree, we're still friends, right?" Right? In Charlie's mind they were, anyway.

"And if wanting to stand up for yourself however you see fit is at odds with what Danta wants for his ambassador, then that's just that. It doesn't mean you can't still be friends, you just maybe can't work for him."

.

Don't paint wonderful lies on me that wash away

Lifting her gaze with some surprise, Maea considered. Normally she wouldn't even consider calling someone she'd only met twice a friend, but she had to admit that the nature of their encounters had been a bit different from most. Not only had she shared a lot of personal topics with Charlie, but she actually missed her in the interim.
"... yeah. I'd say we are." A careful smile touched her lips, only for a moment, but the warmth it left behind in her chest was almost as potent and comforting as the butterfly in her hands. Opening up the palms so that it could be allowed to fly away if it wished - or if the priestess decided to guide it that way with her magic - the petite albino shifted around so that she could pry at the wall too. More thoughtful this time, less angry; it was mostly sandstone and if she looked closer, it was easier to see where the stone would crack and flake away.

"I get what you're saying, and I do hope that's the case... but Danta seemed more than a little decided when he said that I should either accept the way he does things or get out. And I have no intention of becoming a leader or take his place. So will it really be possible for me to even go back? How can there ever be trust between us if he won't lift a finger to protect the region - as I see it - and he feels like I actively put it in danger by not groveling to those who might want to conquer it? I don't even need him to fight or put himself in danger, but I was yelled at for even trying - " Shaking her head, she just didn't get it. Couldn't fathom where that kind of attitude came from. It certainly didn't fit with the Danta she had gotten to know so far, who was full of pride over the region, fiercely independent and loathe to be told what to do.

It just... didn't align.

I can't relate to  d e s p e r a t i o n

Smiling brightly as the feeling was reciprocated, Charlie had to resist the urge not to immediately jump up and throw her arms around the girl. Instead, she let small tendrils spider away from the butterfly, crawling up Maea's arms like tributaries of flame. One day she'd ask Maea what level of physical affection she was okay with; a day when the albino wasn't dealing with a raging torrent of emotions.

"Yeah, but didn't you also say he was mad?" The blonde raises her eyebrows gently. "Danta definitely seems like a yeller when he gets mad." And a fighter. And a fucker. And if he'd done both of those things, maybe he'd have cooled off. "No one is really their best when they get like that." Not Charlie, not Maea, not any of them. Except for Dygra. Dygra was always perfect.

"If this Dahlia person shows up, now that you're not Danta's ambassador anymore, can you act how you want?" Charlie certainly thought that was the implication of what Maea had said, but then, given how little she understood about politics, maybe it wasn't.

Twitching her lips thoughtfully, the priestess combs her fingers through her long hair as she listens. "It can be really hard to understand someone else's point of view, especially about things you feel strongly about." Charlie says with a fanged smile. "However much you don't understand what's going on in Danta's head, sounds like he doesn't understand what's going on in yours. And I know it can be super tempting to try and keep going at it to make someone see where you're coming from, but...I mean, he was alive hundreds of years ago. You've died more than anyone I know. It might actually be impossible for you two to actually see eye to eye on this, you know?" The same way Maea would likely never understand what it was to feel confident and beautiful in her own skin in quite the same way Charlie did, if only because they'd had totally different upbringings and experiences.

"But so long as you aren't an ambassador, I don't see why you can't still be close? You did what you thought you had to, Danta did what he thought he had to, and both got upset when the other person didn't understand. That makes you sound pretty similar to me." And similarities were usually a pretty good basis for friendship.

.

Don't paint wonderful lies on me that wash away

Fire lapped at her arms, snaking up along the sleeves in a pseudo-embrace that surprised her. For a moment she worried about her armored dress being singed and damaged, but when that didn't seem to be the case she actually relaxed and even hummed with a thoughtful smile.
"I mean, I acted the way I wanted to anyway, being ambassador really doesn't have anything to do with that. I'm a lousy liar - I guess that makes me unsuited for the job, since it involves flattering people we don't like to make them do what is good for us." And while Maea could hold her tongue, twisting and forking it was... a whole different matter. Maybe she had been a Fae in a different life. Maybe she was just better suited for a role she hadn't found yet.

"How do I keep from getting upset, if we do start to clash again?" she wanted to know, as she gazed over at Charlie. Getting up, she padded over and hunched down next to the blonde, in a quiet request for closeness entirely contrary to her aversion to intimate touch. Maybe it was different. Maybe that was another complicated matter that could use some soul-searching - at some later point. "If I'm not going back to apologize... how do I even begin repairing this? I don't even know if he wants to. And I don't think I would like to beg for a friendship that isn't mutually desired." Even if it left her stubborn and miserable and left out of the warmth that was building in the Hollowed Grounds.

I can't relate to  d e s p e r a t i o n

"Well, if you weren't his ambassador, he couldn't really say shit about it, right?" Nodding her understanding—Charlie was also a shit liar and not much of a kiss ass—the blonde gave up on the rocks and instead comfortably crossed her legs to focus on the conversation instead. "Realizing you aren't cut out for a job is no big deal." She added breezily; why would Maea mourn the loss of something she was admittedly poorly suited for? Charlie had said it before, but believed it all the more now, that this really did seem all for the best.

Other than the yelling and hurt feelings part.

Beaming as Maea came to sit next to her, Charlie turned herself slightly to better face the girl without, you know, staring straight at her the whole time. "Honestly, being able to talk about things with someone who disagrees with you..especially when it's so important to you, is super hard." The priestess said kindly. "Most people never learn to do it well, and that's why when they start to disagree with someone they just...leave." It was an art form really, and though Charlie by no means was any sort of expert, given that she wasn't at all invested in the argument between Danta and Maea, it was likely a bit easier for her to see a way through.

"But if you get upset, there's nothing wrong with saying that you need a little pause. Emotions are good, but that doesn't mean we make the best decisions when they're running high. But if it was me..." Well, that probably wasn't the best template, because Charlie would likely just stroke Danta's cock instead of his ego to smooth things over. "..I'd probably go back and say that even though you disagree on how to handle threats like Dahlia, that you're still really passionate about helping the Grounds and that you don't want what happened to get between the two of you. All of those things are true, right? No lies, no false flattery, no begging."

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Don't paint wonderful lies on me that wash away

"I could do that," Maea replied slowly, giving it a good deal of thought. Weighing the priorities, setting aside her craving for approval and validation that got in the way of seeing her opponent (that's you, Danta) more clearly and finding what she could and could not bend on without starting to feel icky or angry... "Wouldn't want to give up without trying, at least. I promised myself I wouldn't do that anymore."

It smelled like resolution, like a plan, and something shifted within her that let Maea stretch her arms up high over her head and let out a deep, heartfelt sigh. Tension bled from her with a jaw-cracking yawn; when she looked back at Charlie there was a new light over her expression, and the mercurial little smile lingered more comfortably.
"You're good at this," she complimented the priestess. "Thank you for listening, and talking it out with me. It really helps."

I can't relate to  d e s p e r a t i o n

"That sounds really good. And then if it doesn't go your way, at least you know that you did everything that you wanted to." And, as Charlie was a big fan of reminding Maea, doing the things she wanted was a big part of the loreseeker finding the peace she seemed to so crave. Not just in terms of a lack of conflict, but within herself.

Despite her youthful appearance, laugh lines wrinkled the skin by Charlie's eyes and the corners of her lips as she beamed at Maea. Finding herself yawning as well, Charlie covered her mouth with the back of one hand before giggling at the empathic response. "Any time." Nodding emphatically, the priestess leans to the side slightly to nudge Maea ever so softly with her shoulder. "And I only do thinks I want, so you know I mean it." She adds brightly.

Glancing around at the amount of rock and debris that the pair had chipped away as they'd chatted, Charlie's upper lip curled in a half snarl as she sighed. "I don't think we're gonna find anything here. We'd probably have to go way deeper and even then, there's probably no point." Though she was clearly disappointed about it, the blonde was no less bubbly.

"Was there anything else you wanted to do here? If not we can catch the skyship home together?" It would be so convenient once the portal was built, but until then, Charlie didn't really mind sky travel all that much.

.