[Training] I'm just bad at healing

Fool me once, fool me twice
Are you death or paradise?

The air was crisp and cold, telling of the LongNight that approached. She wasn't looking forward to the perpetual darkness, but she tried her best not to linger on that, taking advantage of every moment of daylight. As the crew dropped her off at port, Thal spared them barely a glance before disembarking, certain that Spook had enough authority at this point to manage things without her - at least enough for her to be somewhat confident the ship would still be floating when she returned. 

Her black cloak was thicker than usual, blocking out the majority of the chill. Even her leathers had an extra layer of fabric, hugging her body tightly. However, despite all the extra precautions, Thal still wove a tendril of fire through her fingers, trying to keep the blood flow from slowing to a viscus sludge. She kept alert for threats but let her mind wander as she walked down the docks.

Now you'll never see me cry
There's just no time to die

Thalassa

Maea

You think killing is hard?
Try healing something. That is hard.

A skyship was making anchor on the far side of the harbor. The docks were alive with workers loading and unloading cargo while a handful of passengers dispersed. Merchants mostly, with entourage of servants and guards, they were bound for the taverns and inns of the port city, and for the offices of people much like themselves who made a living off trade. It would be a few hours until the ship set off again for the Inner Quarter, and most seemed intent on making the most of this chance to stretch legs and settle uneasy stomachs.

Maea tugged the hood in place over her horns and meandered off along the pier, unsure whether she wanted to take advantage of this chance for an easy ride. The thought of returning home already made her uneasy, and as she scuffed her boots along the frozen ground the thought grudginly that Remi may have been right after all. It wasn't much of a home anymore if she dreaded returning to it. Only silence awaited anyway. Ophelia had been as absent as she for months, she was not on speaking terms with neither Danta nor with Asta, and the guild she swore to maintain had gone bankrupt for lack of leadership. Or interest. No, truth be told, the threads binding her to the Grounds were thin at best these days, and she kept coming back out of habit, nostalgia, because she didn't know where else to go.

Sighing, she kindled a flight of dragons to accompany her. Weaving around her in easy loops of dazzling flame they kept the worst of the bite from the air, and kept her mind from sinking too deep into brooding. Another was doing much the same as they approached from another part of the docks, and Maea thought nothing of it. Not until they were almost level, about to pass one another by, and she realized with a shock that the figure was familiar. More than that - how the hadn't picked out Thalassa from far away was inconcievable.

And it was far too late to turn away now.

You can break something in two seconds
But it can take forever to fix it

Fool me once, fool me twice
Are you death or paradise?

When Thal had left the Festival of Lights weeks ago, she'd thought that a new level of healing had been achieved, one of acceptance and flickering hope to free her soul. She'd somehow convinced herself that Maea might still live, and that one day they may cross paths again. It was something she'd told herself to ease the guilt; a fleeting, impossible idea that she'd clung to for selfish reasons. A way to help her move on. 

Never - in a million years - had she expected those intangible thoughts to take physical form. 

She froze, wondering if the spirits had decided to play another crueler trick on her. There could be no other explanation for the pale figure before her. Because if Maea was truly alive, what reason would she have for hiding? Why would she torture her like this? Perhaps she'd deserved some form of avoidance, but to leave her thinking she was dead for months? It felt cruel. 

So, certainly, the image before her must be some strange vision or facade, a trick of her mind to reignite old feelings as LongNight approached. Yet the heat of the flames wasn't something she could deny. Its proximity was like a brush against her mind, thawing the ice that had crystallized in her head. 

The emotions transformed and passed in such a blur that Thal couldn't identify a single one, overwhelmed with the shock that flooded her system. Her fire winked out, too stunned to summon the magic any longer. Even her breath solidified in her chest, releasing a single, raspy breath too soft for anyone else but the mirage to hear, "Maea?"

Now you'll never see me cry
There's just no time to die

Thalassa

Maea

You think killing is hard?
Try healing something. That is hard.

The sound of her name brought her to a halt. Shoulder to shoulder, nearly close enough to touch, the pale ancient gazed at the path and the trail of footprints in the snow. Her hands shook as she fumbled for the edges of the cloak, pulling it tighter about herself.

"Mh. Ah... Hi, Thalassa." Clearing her throat, Maea turned slowly to face the young woman. Heart racing, her thoughts had scattered like startled minnows before the looming presence of a pike and the felt herself bracing, tensing, ready for some storm to break upon her. A blow, a tongue lashing, scorn and derision perhaps - whatever it would be, she was ready.

Maea thought she had earned it. For the silence, for nearly killing Thalassa, for never making good on her promise to uncover her past... there was a lot to atone for.

You can break something in two seconds
But it can take forever to fix it

Fool me once, fool me twice
Are you death or paradise?

The words sounded like Maea. Her hand reached up to the pale face, tenderly feeling to see if the vision was real. She felt the soft, warm skin against the delicate brush of her fingers. It released a flood of emotions from the dam she'd carefully constructed in her mind, the one she'd painstakingly built brick by brick for months. In an instant, it was gone, her breath catching to keep her from drowning in the crashing waves that threatened to pull her under. Despite every instinct and ingrained willpower not to, the well of emotions overflowed into her eyes which brimmed with tears. "You - you're... alive." Her voice was uncertain but aching with realization. 

Thal grit her teeth, trying to peer through the haze at the undeniably realistic Ancient. A single emotion burst forth from the whirlpool of indecipherable chaos, flaring in her body so strongly that she acted without thinking - and slapped Maea across the cheek. 

The anger vanished as quickly as it came, replaced by pain and guilt. The blue of her eyes shone as a single tear became dislodged with the movement. Her hands clenched at her sides, white with shock and tightened grasps. Whatever she'd been expecting in the moment didn't compare to the turmoil building within. "Where have you been?! I thought you were dead. Do you know how worried I was?! I looked everywhere for you. I thought you were dead! Because of me and my selfishness! I thought you were dead!!" She couldn't seem to stop saying the words, disbelief and horror still running rampant as her breathing came faster with each admission. Thal couldn't figure out if she was angry at Maea, or angry at herself for believing they'd been friends. She'd been such a fool.

Now you'll never see me cry
There's just no time to die

Thalassa

Maea

You think killing is hard?
Try healing something. That is hard.

It took every ounce of willpower that she had not to flinch away from the touch. Thalassa's fingers against her cheek felt unreal, the way a small foal had once seemed too vibrantly alive under her own hands. But the touch was light, feathery almost, and Maea almost smiled, tense shoulders beginning to relax...

PAIN

Dazed, the petite woman staggered back and touched the face where a bright red mark already began to form against her pale skin. It stung, sharp and immediate, and some deep part of her was grimly amused that she had finally been proven right; it had been a good idea to stay clear of Thalassa. Not so much because of the violence, perhaps, but gods, they were similar. In temperament, in depth of emotion, and especially the way they took the blame for things that went wrong around them.

"I was dead," Maea said matter-of-fact, tenderly testing her jaw. "For a while. Not because of you, though. It was Melita who shot me... and I who used far too much magic for all the wrong reasons." Assured that she wasn't bleeding, she straightened and adjusted the hood over her horns. "For whatever reason, Flora brought me to Torchline, where Ronin and Remi healed me wounds and brought me back to life." For a moment lavender met with blue, Maea's gaze direct and earnest – but weary. So very tired.

"Afterward... I needed to be alone. Process... and I hurt you, back then. I nearly killed you. I was afraid... if I came back, it would happen again." The anger she had felt, night black fury with an aftertaste of vindictive cruelty; it made her shudder even now just to think of it. It was everything she hated and shied from in herself. And she'd let it take over.

"I am sorry, though. For making you worry. I thought the very dramatic scene of resucitation by the fountain in the middle of Haulani eould go around... but it seems I was wrong."

You can break something in two seconds
But it can take forever to fix it

Fool me once, fool me twice
Are you death or paradise?

She winced at the pain and redness spreading across Maea's face. Thal immediately regretted her outburst. Every new piece of information only deepened the feeling that she was in the wrong. The words felt empty and childish as she asked, "So... you really did die?" Hitting someone who'd died didn't seem like the kind of thing to welcome good karma. She'd already been cursed once this season. She didn't need to ask for more. 

The reaction to death was understandable, but Thal hung on the guilt. Her hands swiped at the wetness on her face, too baffled to notice that it wasn't melted snow. "That doesn't matter to me. I lived. You died!" The words made her wince, truly uncaring that she'd been injured by Maea's magic. The only pain she felt was betrayal. "I thought we were friends, and I left you!" Her teeth bared against the words, half angry at herself for failing at such a simple task as friendship and half furious with Maea for tricking her into feeling that way to begin with. 

Thal shook her head, her dark hair catching in the cold air. She couldn't even feel it anymore, the overwhelming emotions boiling her blood as she tried to grapple with the truth. "Everywhere I turned, people let me push them away, but you didn't. I thought maybe I'd finally found a friend. But no, instead, you pushed me away with this bullshit about hurting me." These dang snowflakes kept falling against her cheeks and she used her sleeve the wipe them away again, trying to see Maea through the haze. 

She finally realized she was crying. She couldn't remember the last time she'd done that, too numb and confused to feel much of anything. Yet the saltiness wetting her lips confirmed it all, making her all the more hysterical at the infuriating emotional response. Thal gripped at her hair, turning to step away before coming back, throwing her hands down. "You didn't even give me the choice!" Her voice broke. She knew it was selfish, that she was trying to project her own guilt, but she didn't care, torn between wanting to hug Maea or slap her again.

Now you'll never see me cry
There's just no time to die

Thalassa

Sing to me, I am not doing well
Getting tired of my own words

For once, Maea felt her age as she listened to the young woman's protests. It was a lot like listening to herself in her youth, the way she'd happily ignore pain or danger just to be include, just to be near another. No wonder Jigano had grown exasperated after she kept placing herself in those impossible situations. She had never paused to consider the other side of things. Still failed to do so a lot of the time... The proof of that was right before her.

"I still think of you as a friend," Maea replied softly, as Thalassa's voice cracked. "That's the whole reason I kept away. I don't trust myself, Thalassa. I don't want to find myself standing over the corpse of someone I care about and realize it was me who killed them. If that hurts you, I am sorry. But I... I'm too scared of losing more friends." The passing of Harper was still fresh in her mind, and the ghost of him was joined by so many others. Her brother, Weaver, Jigano, Sam, Peter, Loren, Amun, on and on the list went, of those dead or simply gone.

It was ironic, she knew, that she was doing the vanishing act on Thal herself, like perhaps some of her old friends might have. Was Amun too simply lurking just out of sight?

She sighed. "I really am sorry, Thal. Can I... How can I make this up to you?"

Sing to me, cause I can't hear myself
through the loudness of my own hurts

base inspired by Odd <3

Fool me once, fool me twice
Are you death or paradise?

Thal listened, running her sleeve over her eyes as she tried not to interrupt. It was hard to hear the words that felt so much like her own thoughts from months ago. Although the feelings still lingered, she was working on moving past that. She couldn't say that Maea was doing the same. 

It cooled her burning anger like a shocking plunge into the deep ocean. They weren't so different, their guilt and fears clashing against each other. It was deafening, drowning out all the other instincts to blame Maea for her response. Would she have done any different?

The question caught her off guard. Laughing through the catching of her tears, Thal had to look up at the overcast sky, exasperation making her words crack. "Just stop running. Stop pushing me away." She shook her head, biting her lip to keep more tears from falling, from falling back into the flames of anger. When her eyes met Maea's again, they were filled with deep sadness. "Things won't get better if you don't try. If you just keep avoiding people, nothing will change." Spoken from experience, she was desperate for her fellow Ancient to understand. 

Breathing in a shaky breath, her fingers splayed at her side. She tried to release the tension as she wracked her brain for a way to reconnect with the woman before her, because despite everything - despite the abandonment, despite the stubbornness - she still cared for her, she still inexplicably wanted to be friends. So Thal offered an olive branch, her voice soft but strained as she pleaded, "Why don't we start small? Help me get strong enough that you don't have to worry about me, and I'll help you practice controlling your magic. We can see where things go from there. And if you still want to stay away afterwards... then I won't stop you." A fresh tear fell from her eyes, nose and cheeks red with more than just Deepfrost cold.

Now you'll never see me cry
There's just no time to die

Thalassa

Sing to me, I am not doing well
Getting tired of my own words

She had been trying, Maea wanted to argue. She had been doing her best... but that hadn't gotten her anywhere. She didn't say anything, though. One by one the dragons that circled her dissolved until only a single amorphous orb of flame remained, hovering just close enough to offer some warmth. The light painted her face in ruddy hues, casting erratic shadows that made it hard to tell what she was thinking. Though they were of a height, Maea had the impression that Thalassa seemed taller than before; stronger, perhaps, or at least more sure of herself.

"Alright," she replied quietly, strangely compliant; there was none of her usual counter arguments. It never helped, anyway. What harm could it do to let someone else decide her course for a while? "No running. I'll try... whatever you think will help. And sure I can help you train..." She looked about, taking in the docks and the ice crusted ocean, the bleak winter light and the sparse crowd moving by. "We can start right away, if you would like." No time like the present, right?
Shrugging off her pack, it thudded to the ground by her feet and with a jerk of her head, the hood was cast off of pale horns, setting salty locks free to whip and tangle in the frigid wind. A simple shift in stance was all it took to transform the slender figure, from weary to alert and wary, ready for anything.

Sing to me, cause I can't hear myself
through the loudness of my own hurts

base inspired by Odd <3

Fool me once, fool me twice
Are you death or paradise?

Thal hadn't been expecting Maea to take her up on the offer so quickly, let alone suggest they start now. However, she wouldn't turn down the opportunity. She didn't know if she'd have another chance to see her again, or if the pale Ancient would disappear again. If this was all she'd have, it wouldn't be wasted.

She didn't have any baggage to unload, choosing instead to swipe her sleeve over her eyes again, determination setting into their blue depths. "Okay, but you have to use your Bloodbane." It wouldn't surprise her if Maea tried to argue - considering how things had gone last time - but Thal gave no room for discussion, already unsheathing her daggers to lunge forward. Although not aiming to harm, she reached an arm forward to slash her blade at chest level.

Now you'll never see me cry
There's just no time to die

Thalassa

Sing to me, I am not doing well
Getting tired of my own words

Maea was not best pleased by the ultimatum, as evidenced by her frown as she jumped back from the slashing blade. The edge of it caught in the fabric of her dress but came away without doing any damage. Possibly Thalassa might be surprised to realize that the black velvet was not as soft and pliable as it appeared, and the same went for its pale-haired owner.
"Make me," Maea challenged back, dipping her hands in behind her back. The discs she withdrew glowed faintly in the wintery light, emitting a heat that would have proven alarming for anyone other than an Ancient. Alas, Thal wouldn't care about the magic more than she did; today they were little more than daggers, albeit sharp and unusual.

Setting one to spin around a finger, Maea sent it flying towards the younger woman, hoping it would create some more distance between them. The other was held in reserve, to block with or throw as the opportunity arose. Her heart raced; it had been a while since she sparred, and the memory of arrows biting into her flesh clamored in her head, lending a certain hesitation to her reactions that slowed Maea down, to her dismay.

Sing to me, cause I can't hear myself
through the loudness of my own hurts

base inspired by Odd <3

Fool me once, fool me twice
Are you death or paradise?

Her blade slid over the dress as smooth as metal, gliding without seeming to do any damage. At least she didn't have to worry about hurting Maea, but the challenging words made her eyes narrow dangerously. "That was part of the deal." Seeing the suspicious reach, Thal was already stepping back to see what weapon she might reveal. 

As the discs glowed in the snowy light, she sank into a ready stance, continuing the conversation as she did so. "You help me." The sharp object came flying towards her, and she ran towards it, sliding under to get closer to Maea. With one flick of her wrist, she sent a dagger flying. "And I help you." Then she spun, kicking out her leg to swipe at the pale Ancient's feet. Her voice sang out as she moved, "Start small." As in, don't kill me with your magic, but you have to use it at some point, so why not now?

Now you'll never see me cry
There's just no time to die

Thalassa

Sing to me, I am not doing well
Getting tired of my own words

Her body felt stiff, limbs unresponsive. Partly from the cold and part from the traumatic experience of dying, she'd no doubt respond better if she hadn't been spending the past few months on her own, doing nothing. It took less than that to lose condition, heart, any taste for bloodshed and strife...

Somehow Maea managed to dodge the knife that came flying at her. Put off balance, the sweeping kick to her legs dropped her to the ground. Her throwing disc clattered off along the dock, and with a grimace she aimed a kick at Thalassa's knees, even as she twisted to her side. Reaching for Thalassa's dagger, a cold dread settled in her gut as she fumbled it into her hand; then, with a growl of frustration and resignation Maea drove the blade into her own palm. Flames shot up from the obsidian dagger, and a darkness bled into her eyes as she lashed out at the pirate with bloodbane magic, draining strength from her equal to the damage Maea herself suffered.

It didn't feel right. It didn't feel good. She failed to see how this could be useful at all, but if the woman insisted... What did it matter that Maea felt sick with herself for giving in so easily? Even the pain in her hand became insignificant in comparison, and it didn't make an ounce of difference that Thal brought it upon herself.

---

Bloodbane (basic) | Can injure themselves for basic damage to weaken others at an upgraded level with a range of 10ft.

Sing to me, cause I can't hear myself
through the loudness of my own hurts

base inspired by Odd <3