Let's turn the page, rewrite the lines tonight

Sing to me, I am not doing well
Getting tired of my own words

A blue moon dusted the forest with its wan light that evening. Melding with the warm glow of a campfire, all the nearby trees had taken on a high contrast coloring that brought a magical cast to the area. Even for an enchanted forest it was strange and lovely, and Maea watched it absently as shadows deepened and the day drew to a close. She had made a camp for herself outside of the Sidhe Village, away from prying eyes and high prices. It was nice to have a place to return to between forays into the forest, especially for days like this one where she was forced to take a break. 

Leaning back against a log, she busied herself with sewing up a tear in her spare trousers. After getting caught by thorns and bramble all day she was relenting on the idea of wearing her armored dress. Unfortunately that meant she had to repair her spare pieces of clothing, and that meant sitting still until the task was done. 
Perhaps, if she told herself that this was 'letting loose', it would feel less tedious and more relaxing. Too bad the music of the town didn't reach this far; she wouldn't mind entertainment, and it was the kind of night for stories.

Sing to me, cause I can't hear myself
through the loudness of my own hurts

base inspired by Odd <3

Alys was returning to Sidhe Village after a long day of searching for roses when a campfire caught her eye; angling slightly towards it, she caught a hint of emotion from the figure sitting beside it. Boredom, mostly, and a little wistfulness, perhaps. With nothing better to do with her evening, the seer decided to investigate.

Much to her surprise, the person sitting by the fire was someone she knew, and as she emerged into the light of the flames, she gave a glad smile. ”Hi, Maea,” she said. ”Mind if I join you?” Perhaps the Ancient would prefer to be left alone, but after their last meeting, Alys wouldn’t mind checking in on her to see how she had fared in the weeks since.

ALYS GLASSE

Sing to me, I am not doing well
Getting tired of my own words

The sound of someone approaching through the woods brought the Ancient to a state of high alert. Despite the proximity to the village there was no guarantee that nothing dangerous would try its luck, and unlike the major regions the fae didn't have any wards against the void.
Fortunately, the visage appearing from the gloom was far lovelier than anything she could have expected, and her relief was palpable as Maea sat up to return the smile.

"Alys! Of course not, come sit down. Here, let me clear some of this off – " Hastily uncovering a blanket from assorted sewing equipment and scraps of cloth for mending, she waved for the seer to make herself comfortable. "You want some tea? There should be water left in that pot, if you put it on the fire." She pointed out a kettle, well worn and a bit banged up that sat on the other side of the fire from her. It sloshed when picked up, more than halfway full; Maea hadn't gotten around to heating it, too wrapped up in her mending.

"It's good to see you, though I'm a bit surprised to see you here," she grinned. "Is Tal with you, or is this more of a personal adventure?"

Sing to me, cause I can't hear myself
through the loudness of my own hurts

base inspired by Odd <3

Her appearance was met with a smile, and Alys happily joined her friend around the fire, stooping to gather the half-full kettle and set it by the fire before taking a seat. The camp was in a bit of disarray, with what was clearly mending supplies strewn about, and Alys gestured to it vaguely. "If you have an extra needle, I can help with that," she offered. She was no master seamstress, but she could do basic mending fairly well. Her parents had seen to that, back when she'd lived in the Grounds. They hated to spend the money on new clothes, and had taught her early on that sewing could be a valuable skill.

In any case, both she and Maea seemed to be in better spirits than their last meeting, which gave Alys no small bit of relief. "Tal's around, making deliveries," she said. "I was on my way back to the Peregrine when I saw your fire." After everything, neither she nor her partner were inclined to let one another out of their sight for long. Tal often left Boreal with her even, the dragon taking her duties as protector seriously. "I originally came to pray to Mort at that shrine over in Ludo's Wood, but today I was just out looking for roses. What about you? I didn't expect to find you here."

ALYS GLASSE

Sing to me, I am not doing well
Getting tired of my own words

With wordless gratitude Maea handed over a spare needle, some thread and a shirt that had begun to come apart at a shoulder seam. The dark fabric looked to have been dyed so many times it was more gray than black, with odd hue shifts that leaned now towards purple, now towards green. It must have been a nice shirt at one point, but by now the fabric was worn to the point of turning brittle, and definitely on its last leg.

"Tell him I said hi, if I don't catch him tomorrow," Maea replied, biting off the tail end of string from a knot. "Seems we're out on the same errand. Roses, that is. I've never had much luck praying to Mort." Though Ludo had answered her often enough in the past. Curious despite it not being very polite, she glanced at her guest. "How did it go?" Answerable either way, Maea didn't think she was being too nosey.

Sing to me, cause I can't hear myself
through the loudness of my own hurts

base inspired by Odd <3

The shirt that Maea handed her was falling apart at a shoulder seam, and had been dyed so many times that Alys wasn’t sure what the original color might have been. She began to work wordlessly, reminded of her time in the Grounds. Threading the needle, she speared it through the fabric and began to knit up the failing seam. ”I will,” she told Maea with a smile. ”He’ll be sorry to have missed you.”

When Maea asked about Mort, though, her smile dimmed a little - not because she was any less joyful to have been answered, but because she wasn’t sure how Maea would react to the news that it might be possible to be reunited with a dead companion. If she were in Maea’s shoes, she could imagine she would be jealous that someone else had received such an opportunity where her own prayers had seemingly failed.

Finally deciding that honesty would be best, she said, ”I spoke to Mort. He brought Sascha to see me.” Her voice was soft, affectionate, but perhaps a little distant as she lost herself to the memory. ”Maea… did you know that Mort could bring companions back from the dead? He… gave me a quest. I have to speak to three people who have died and come back, and a few other things, but if I succeed… I could get Sascha back.”

ALYS GLASSE

Sing to me, I am not doing well
Getting tired of my own words

And she would be sorry to have missed the Messenger. He was an elusive friend at times, and neither of them frequent letter writers. But for all that, Maea never doubted that the bond they had forged would last.
Smiling to herself, it was Alys' tone that made her look up, curious about the shift of mood. Wonder and awe touched her face at the revelation, just imagining a conversation with Mort - let alone meeting the sorely missed companion. But as Alys went on, Maea stilled where she sat. Barely breathing, it felt like her mind had frozen. Had she known...? No. Well not definitely. Ludo had turned Isla into Remi's companion, but was that the same thing? A sharp, stabbing pain of longing had her gasping for breath, memories of her Shii, her tiny, willful guide thundering in; she hadn't let herself think about the wisp in so long. It always hurt, always ravaged her to recognize how she'd failed to keep it safe.

"I... I see. I did not know that." Clearing a voice that'd gone rough with emotion, jealousy was the furthest thing from Maea's mind. "How... is it going so far? Have you found anyone to speak to? If I can help, I'm happy to tell you anything you might need to know." Since she had died, and twice to boot.

And strangely, an immense sense of relief came upon her. Gods, but how fortunate she was that she'd never heard of this before. What if she'd gone praying to Mort for her friend back, only to die again? Watching that frail, feeble light wink out a second time would have been more than she could bear to live with. Oh, thank all the gods of Caido and Void and through all the multitude of worlds that she hadn't been that kind of stupid.

Sing to me, cause I can't hear myself
through the loudness of my own hurts

base inspired by Odd <3

She’d expected her news to have an effect, but the strength of Maea’s emotions surprised her all the same, potent enough to leave her reeling in silence for the span of a heartbeat. The longing in Maea matched that which Alys herself had felt about Sascha, but it went deeper, somehow - perhaps the result of a bond long since broken brought to the surface once more.

When Maea spoke, it was with a voice rough with emotion. Alys was relieved to find that her friend harbored no jealousy or ill will, only a sincere desire to help, if she could. Having not known that Maea had died, Alys found herself staring at the Ancient. ”You - I didn’t realize,” she said softly, her voice compassionate. Deciding to forge on, she added, ”If… if I could ask you about your experience, that might help. I spoke with someone else recently who had died and returned, and… well, I’m not sure now that I should go through with the quest. The way he described being revived… it sounded like it was a heavy burden to bear.”

ALYS GLASSE

Sing to me, I am not doing well
Getting tired of my own words

Trying to resume her sewing, Maea eventually set the cloth aside. Her hands shook too much. Sitting up to dig out a pair of cups and a pack of tea from her bag instead, she nodded assent to the request.
"Of course. I'll tell you what I can." Especially if her account could offer a more nuanced view of being resurrected.

Once she'd finished prepairing the tea, she sat back with her gaze lost somewhere in the moonlit haze. "You should know that I have died twice," she began, "and that coming back could not have been more different between the two times. The first death was during a mission; I was hunting ghost whales with some others and had taken on far more than I was able to handle. I ended up being swallowed by one of them, and drowned. That was how I lost Shii, as well; they died because I did." Picking up a stick she prodded the coals beneath the pot, absently arranging the embers to her liking. "I, along with several others, was brought back to life by the Voice, roughly a year later? I think it was a year, or two?... and because it was the Voice who revived us, we returned as Ascended. On the wrong side of a brewing war, without the magic I'd been born with." That still ached, actually. Losing such fundamental parts of herself; being barred from the joy of development, of overcoming prejudice and finding her true self - all that had ended with her ascension.

"I'd had a lover, before dying. Our relation wasn't good towards the end, but it wasn't beyond salvaging either. When I returned, he had moved on, married another and become the leader of a region. Someone I once was acquainted with found me in the wilderness and tried to kill me, saying I shouldn't be allowed to exist. I believed her; especially after coming across Remi, an almost friend, and realizing he'd kill me for sure if I didn't leave right away."

Thinking back, she had experienced one disappointment after the other, until existence became only another burden. She wouldn't try to hide it from Alys, and the expression Maea wore when looking across the fire at her was bleak. "I existed, but I can't say I really lived during those years. It wasn't until a friend of mine - a brother, in truth - found me and dragged me back to the Grounds that it got a bit better. He made me want to try; and he's what's kept me going. Until I died the second time."

Pausing for a bit, she waited to see if Alys had any questions. It was a lot to take in, ni doubt; if anything, Maea was surprised by how easy it was to even speak of. Come to think of it, she hadn't in any detail since... since Remi, probably. Over a year ago.

Sing to me, cause I can't hear myself
through the loudness of my own hurts

base inspired by Odd <3

Maea's agreement came more quickly than Zavien's had, and Alys found herself sitting up a little straighter, her sewing forgotten in her lap. She raised her brows at the notion that Maea had died and been reborn twice, but didn't interrupt. The Ancient was either very lucky or very unlucky, depending on who was being asked. The seer listened intently, noting that the way Maea spoke about her experience different from Zavien's in that the Ancient clearly had come to terms with her death and revival in a way that the dragoon had yet to do.

The tale she heard was one that she had not expected, however - not Maea's death, which was tragic in that she'd not only lost her own life, but her companion's, as well, but also that she'd been brought back as an Ascended, without magic that she'd been born with. Alys couldn't imagine losing her magic - it was part of what made her who she was, and she could only imagine what or who she might become without it to anchor her. It made her wonder what Sascha might lose in the process of returning to her, and if there were things that might make her hesitant to come back as a result.

When Maea paused, Alys realized that she'd been watching her friend perhaps a little too closely and quickly turned her gaze to the fire. "That sounds... unimaginable," she said honestly. "The pain you must have felt, to return and have people turn against you..." To return, but to not be who she was before. To not have what she'd had before. If Alys died, and Tal moved on, would she be glad or devastated? She wasn't sure, and she certainly had no desire to find out.

ALYS GLASSE

Sing to me, I am not doing well
Getting tired of my own words

Nodding slowly, Maea agreed. It had been difficult, yet the animosity had not been the worst part.
"I think it might have been bearable if I'd had someone there to wish me welcome back," she mused. "But while I knew plenty of people, they were not close enough to offer any kind of belonging. Perhaps if I had found my way back to Amun earlier, things would have been different... but that's not what happened." Losing herself in thought for a while, eventually she shook off the reveries and refocused on Alys, with a light smile.

"But that brings me to the second time I died, and why it was different. It happened recently - in Hak Etme. A flock of bone creatures began to move, playing eith some artefact of power, and you know how those attract attention. Things got a bit heated, I was shot with an arrow and sort of... lost my temper?" Oh, this was embarrassing. "Miscalculating how much energy I had left to perform a spell, I took another hit and... kind of died. Almost killed a friend too, as well." Her cheeks were decidedly red, Maea's gaze turned away from the Seer. "Flora brought my body to her fathers, who revived me and patched up my wounds." The last bit came out in a rush, and eager to be done with the details; this was the important part.

"Now, the difference - can you see it? Immediately there was someone there who wanted me to stay. Why else revive me? And even though I've spent some time alone, I still have friends around. Someone waited for me to come back. Someone missed me when I was gone, and cared enough to scold me for not sending word sooner." Maybe it shouldn't make her happy to recall Thalassa's slap or Hadama's quiet reproach, or indeed Talyson's surly shrug when she apologized, but it did.

"It's not been easy, by any means. No matter the circumstances you've lost time, lost that comfortable illusion that the worst is never going to happen to you, and there's the barest recollection of a profound peace that linger in the back of my mind. But. I would say, this time has been far easier. And I credit it entirely to the people around me." 

Gazing warmly at the Fateweaver, she absolutely included Alys among those who had eased the return. Even now she was helping, by offering a seed of hope where Maea had believed nothing could grow again.

Sing to me, cause I can't hear myself
through the loudness of my own hurts

base inspired by Odd <3

Alys listened again, her sewing still sitting her her lap. The fire crackled nearby as Maea spoke, telling of the second time she died and how it was different from the first. When she'd finished, she contemplated what she had learned for a moment. Maea certainly seemed happy to have been revived - unlike Zavien, who had expressed complicated feelings about being brought back and the scars the experience had left behind.

"So the environment into which you came back made the difference," she mused aloud, thinking this through. Sascha would certainly be welcomed back with open arms - a bonded who would go to the ends of Caido to bring her back; her bonded's partner, who felt the loss almost as keenly as his beloved; a dragon who had seen her as a child and a sister all rolled into one. The support system that one had, then - that was what made it worthwhile to return at all.

For a moment, her thoughts strayed to Zavien. For such a kind man, she wondered if he was floundering because he didn't have loved ones to welcome him back. And if that were the case, she couldn't help but feel sorry for him, for his road seemed determined to be a difficult one.

"Was death... peaceful?" she wanted to know. "Sorry, I know that's probably personal - but if you were given the choice to come back or not... which would you have chosen?"

ALYS GLASSE

Sing to me, I am not doing well
Getting tired of my own words

Eager now, glad to have her point come across, the Ancient nodded. "Yes, exactly so. Even if you're of a nature to love yourself, everyone needs a community. Even the gods are not enough to make life worth living if everything else is done alone."

Noticing the kettle rattling and giving off steam, Maea plucked it from the fire and poured tea for both of them. Handing Alys her cup "Careful, it's hot," she tilted her head aside, trying to recall. She didn't mind the question; if anything, it was a relief to speak of her experience without the mood turning all somber and overly serious.
"I don't remember much, mind. But... yes. It is peaceful. An end to fear, and to worry. I recall... love. Being surrouned by it, and filled from within." Then she fixed her gaze on Alys, suddenly firm. "I did choose, though. Both times, whether it was the Voice or Ronin who called me back. It was a call I could choose to ignore, or at least that was my experience; so to answer your question, I'm ashamed to say my answer is always going to be yes." Her eyes gained a sardonic cant; clearly her will to live was stronger than any force of loyalty or moral principle. Whether that was for good or bad she'd yet to decide on.

Sing to me, cause I can't hear myself
through the loudness of my own hurts

base inspired by Odd <3

It was a lesson that Alys herself had learned after leaving the Grounds, back when loneliness pervaded and she didn’t have a soul in Caido to care about her or to care for in return. Now, she had an abundance of friends and loved ones - more than she’d ever thought possible - and she thought she understood what Maea meant.

She accepted her tea, blowing on it gently as she thought over Maea’s words. Zavien hadn’t mentioned having a choice, but perhaps it was different with a revivify feather than with magic or the Voice’s bargain. It was a fascinating, if nothing else, to hear the different perspectives of her friends when it came to death and dying. What seemed, thus far, to be a shared experience was the peace of death itself. It was the coming back that seemed to elicit such varying reactions.

”I think I see,” Alys said slowly, testing her tea to see if it had cooled enough. ”But why would wanting to come back be a reason for shame?” That, she didn’t fully grasp. Perhaps Maea meant that it was selfish somehow, to want to reclaim life for oneself that perhaps she didn’t feel entitled to. Whatever the reason, Alys couldn’t bring herself to agree.

ALYS GLASSE