[SE] things are gonna change now for the better

Alys was not a frequent visitor at the Hanged Man, but since this was where Ronin had indicated they should meet, she was willing to make an exception. She arrived early, of course, and selected a semi-private booth where they could, hopefully, speak plainly. If she was nervous, she did her best not to show it; she couldn’t help but wonder, though, if this meeting would go as the others had. With Zavien, his resurrection had been so recent that the pain was still raw; with Maea, Alys had inadvertently caused an existential crisis with her questioning. She hadn’t left either meeting convinced that she was right to bring Sascha back, and a part of her hoped that Ronin would be the exception to the rule.

She sat in the booth with a deck of cards in front of her. Skeletal figures graced the imagery in a way that many might think macabre, but that Alys had always found inspiring. She shuffled the cards as she waited, riffling them first and then overhanding them, before finally cutting the deck and setting them aside. The first card that she drew was the four of pentacles, indicative of someone holding on too tightly. It spoke to Alys of selfishness, and she quickly placed the card back on top of the deck, not sure that she wanted to continue. Sometimes, even as a seer, it was difficult to hear what the cards wanted to tell her.

ALYS GLASSE

RONIN

THE WHITE KNIGHT

For better or worse, Ronin is a frequent visitor to The Hanged Man, though since LongNight he has been admittedly absent from the establishment. Knowing that Flora is away at the Greatwood helps, granted, but in truth, even pulling on clean clothes and heading into the city might be considered a big deal for the Knight right now. His grief over the loss of Seren is still a raw and ravenous pit in his gut, and it's one that he tries to fill with liquor quite frequently, though with a demigod's constitution it might as well be apple juice.

Stepping into the tavern with the collar of his coat turned up against the coastal breeze and his hands shoved in his pockets, he glances around as if trying to spot whether the woman who had written him is here. And, seeing no other patrons sitting alone in a tucked away corner, Ronin approaches and offers a polite nod, not sitting down just yet in case he's wrong. "Hello - I don't suppose you're Alys, are you?" he asks, his voice rough as if it hasn't been used in a little while.

now don’t you lose hope

I swear I never dream that we’re alone

I swear I still believe but I don’t know

Alys was just tucking her cards away when a man approached, offering a polite nod. ”I am,” she said as he asked her name. ”And you must be Ronin.” His voice was rough, his emotions scattered - and she sensed something dark and dismal lurking beneath the surface. ”Thank you for coming,” she added smoothly, gesturing towards the seat opposite her in invitation, quietly tucking Ronin’s emotions aside in favor of keeping a clear head. She didn’t know the man well enough to press him, though if she found an opening, perhaps she could find out what it was that ate at him so.

Once Ronin had taken a seat, Alys said, ”I don’t want to take up too much of your time, so I’ll get straight to the point. I lost my companion recently, and Mort has given me a quest to reunite us. One of the tasks he set for me was to understand what she would be going through by learning of others’ experiences who have gone through the same thing.” She paused, tucking a dark curl behind one ear. ”I understand that this can be a difficult topic. If there’s anything you don’t want to answer, I won’t be offended in the least.” She was, after all, a stranger. She wasn’t sure she’d want to bare her soul to him, if the situation were reversed. ”Does that sound alright with you?”

ALYS GLASSE

RONIN

THE WHITE KNIGHT

"I am," Ronin echoes. "Nice to meet you." Flashing her a lopsided smile that's usually much more carefree and nodding once more, he settles himself in the booth opposite and tilts his head curiously at the deck of cards and their somewhat macabre design. Before he can ask about them, they are briefly interrupted by a passing waitress, the Knight ordering a spiced rum for no reason other than habit, before he turns his attention back to Alys.

"Ah. I'm sorry to hear that," he says of her companion, his brow furrowing as he glances up towards the rafters where a slender white dragon, no larger than a housecat, has slunk through one of the open tavern windows behind him to settle up there. "I've heard it leaves quite a mark." From Sunjata he can confirm as much, anyway.

Dropping his eyes back to the young woman, he shrugs his shoulders and spreads his hands. "Ask away - it was ten years ago now, if you can believe it. Water under the bridge and then some. I think my experience was probably a little different to others' though. I didn't go to Mort's halls."

now don’t you lose hope

I swear I never dream that we’re alone

I swear I still believe but I don’t know

Sascha’s loss still ached, even though Alys had a way to see her again. It was a constant hole that made its presence known day and night, as though a piece of her very soul had been carved up and offered to the void yeti that day on the tundra. ”It does,” she murmured. ”I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.” Except, perhaps, those who had done it to her in the first place.

But she wasn’t here to discuss revenge. No, she was here to learn. And so she listened as Ronin offered up the first tidbit of information about his own death and resurrection - something that had Alys tilting her head in confusion. ”Where else is there to go?” she asked, more out of curiosity than anything. Sascha, she knew, was under Mort’s wing, but that there was somewhere else that one could go other than his halls was news to her.

ALYS GLASSE

RONIN

THE WHITE KNIGHT

"Then I hope I can offer whatever insight I can to help you be reunited," Ronin says with a gentle incline of his head, accepting his rum from a tray and giving it a thoughtful sip before setting it down between them. "I was something of an extenuating circumstance. It shouldn't have really happened, but for Safrin." Smiling gently at the memory, since his meeting with the lady of the stars the morning after the longest night, he finds it easier now to recall the fondess between them.

"I'm an Outlander - I arrived in Caido when the barrier was still up in the Grounds. And I was killed by something called a Spire demon, a guardian of that big black tower you can still see if you go to the region. But Safrin took pity on me, and put me up in her sky as one of her stars. She'd sent the woman I loved up there only a season or two before - Vanya. So I was able to stay with her for a time, watching everything go on down here."

now don’t you lose hope

I swear I never dream that we’re alone

I swear I still believe but I don’t know

Alys, who had declined a drink, watched as Ronin took a sip of his, then listened intently as he began his story. That he was an Outlander was something of a surprise; she supposed she had assumed demigods to be native to Caido, though she wasn’t sure why. His death, though, was something she thought she might have heard about, being from the Grounds.

”To be reunited with one you love is a great gift,” Alys said, tilting her head thoughtfully. Wasn’t that what she was trying to do, after all? ”Were you happy in death?” How different was it, to be amongst the stars, as opposed to Mort’s halls? What, she wondered, had he been able to see from his position on high? And what was it, then, that had brought him back?

ALYS GLASSE

RONIN

THE WHITE KNIGHT

"It really was a gift. I had only lost Vanya a season before; she died giving birth to my first daughter, Aoife." And here is where grief does slice through his expression however briefly, hollowing the warmth in his eyes and causing his fingers to tighten around his glass of liquor. Clearing his throat as if to swiftly move on, he considers Alys's question. "I was, of course. I mean, there was no pain, no fatigue or anything like that. And I did not die clean, put it that way. So it was good to feel whole again."

Thoughtful, he takes another sip of his drink. "It was hard, though. From up in Safrin's sky I could watch my loved ones each night, see them trying to continue on without me and carrying all that loss with them." He wrinkles his nose and gives a gentle shake of his head. "And they were determined, more than I ever could have thought. One of them - Ashetta, her name was - bargained her own gift of immortality to bring me back. That's how I became a demigod, through a combination of her sacrifice and Safrin's magic."

now don’t you lose hope

I swear I never dream that we’re alone

I swear I still believe but I don’t know

Alys considered all of this, doing her best not to fidget or drum her fingers on the table in thought, lest Ronin think her impatient or rude. It was strange, that so many had died and returned, but that all of their experiences differed so drastically. She had to wonder if that was the lesson that Mort was trying to teach her - that no matter the circumstances, no matter the cost, returning from the dead was not without its struggles, even for the most stalwart among them.

”That you have someone to do such a thing for you…” Alys murmured thoughtfully. ”How did you feel about it? That someone should sacrifice so much to bring you back?” It would have to be complicated; if Ronin had been happy with his love in the sky, and then dragged back to Caido… would he resent it? Did he regret what had happened? Or was all that had happened in the years since worth it?

ALYS GLASSE

RONIN

THE WHITE KNIGHT

Ronin smiles at Alys's question - that, at least, is an easy thing to answer. "Nothing but gratitude," he says with a soft shrug. "I might have been as happy as I could be, up there with Vanya, but we both found it hard to watch our friends struggle. To watch Aoife grow up without either of us. And I had no say in Ashetta's decision; there was no steer from me. She did what she did, and it would be disrespectful of me to question or resent it."

That isn't to say that being alive hasn't been hard since - it's been damned near impossible at times - but thinking back on how things had been back then... it's a balm Ronin doesn't expect to feel against the still-fresh grief making his heart raw. "I died with a lot of unfinished business. Maybe it would have been different if that wasn't the case, but I really wasn't ready for my story to be over."

now don’t you lose hope

I swear I never dream that we’re alone

I swear I still believe but I don’t know

This, at last, was what Alys had been wanting to hear. The others she’d spoken with hadn’t had such clear gratitude, even with all their unfinished business. Zavien - perhaps because his death had been so recent - had spoken of the scars that death had inflicted. Maea had divulged not one but two deaths and rebirths, and while she didn’t seem to regret coming back, Alys had certainly given the Ancient plenty to think about with her questions. Ronin was the only one who seemed truly at peace with what had happened to him, and it gave Alys hope that maybe she was doing the right thing after all.

The seer nodded thoughtfully. ”Was it difficult at first? Coming back? Or did you always feel grateful to Ashetta?” In other words, was it a guarantee that Sascha would struggle at first when she returned, or was it possible that she would be happy to be back, even if she still bore the scars of her death?

ALYS GLASSE

RONIN

THE WHITE KNIGHT

Taking another sip of his drink to give Alys time to digest all that he's said, Ronin is ready when her next questions come, the Knight flashing her something of a wry smile in response. "It was, but not because I had been dead, necessarily," he explains slowly. "There was the initial excitement, of course - reuniting with everyone who had been waiting for me, joining the dots between when I had died and when I came back, but it was more of an adjustment period than anything. It didn't last long."

Chuckling, Ronin runs a finger around the rim of his glass. "No, my problem was that I'd been given an entirely new body when I came back, which I don't think is the case for a lot of people. Some changed, I know, but I was completely new. Weak as a kitten. That was tough, to not be able to do all the things I'd been used to." Like running a lap around a field, or picking up a heavy bag.

now don’t you lose hope

I swear I never dream that we’re alone

I swear I still believe but I don’t know

Alys continued to listen, fascinated. Ronin’s challenges were so different from those described by Maea and Zavien, and she found herself wondering if that, perhaps, was the point: that everyone would experience rebirth differently, and that Alys needed to be prepared for Sascha to feel… however she was going to feel. And for Alys to feel it, too, as bonded as they were.

”I see,” the seer murmured after a moment’s thought. ”Would you do it all again? If you went back, and had the ability to choose whether or not to come back… was it all worth it?”

ALYS GLASSE

RONIN

THE WHITE KNIGHT

Despite the way his life has taken quite the solemn turn in the past few weeks, this conversation is evidently serving as the wake-up call that Ronin has sorely needed. As such, the nod he gives to Alys is firm and confident, and his smile is soft as he gazes down into the liquor in his glass. "In a heartbeat," he says. "I'd never not make that choice to come back. Everything I've been able to gain from it is irreplacable." His relationship and his marriage, being able to see his daughter - even if her life had been cut very, very short - and have his family grow... it's a no brainer.

Letting out a long sigh and relaxing back in his seat, he tilts his head towards Alys. "Besides," he says, "I was up in the sky with Vanya. And she all but kicked me off those clouds when it was time for me to come back to life." He laughs. "So I doubt she would have let me stick around up there when there was still life to live down here." Shrugging, he reaches for his glass to finish his drink. "I hope that has helped a bit? I know everyone's circumstances are different, of course."

now don’t you lose hope

I swear I never dream that we’re alone

I swear I still believe but I don’t know