i might as well be drunk in love

Sohalia

Say my name
And every color illuminates

Soh sat at a table in a little cafe, her legs crossed and one foot jiggling impatiently in the air. She was dressed for spring today in a loose, white blouse and a calf-length, flowing yellow skirt. She'd tied her hair back in double twists leading to a loose bun at the base of her neck, and she'd worn a few dainty pieces of golden jewelry to accent the look. All in all, she looked far more put together than any other time she and Koa had met in the Greatwood. This time, she was dressed to impress.

Not consciously, of course. This wasn't a date.

In any case, she waited nervously for the dragoon to appear, glancing anxiously at the door from time to time to see if he'd magically appeared in the last fifteen seconds. She had news to share, and it occurred to her now that perhaps it was news better shared in private; but they'd already agreed to a time and place, and it was too late to change her mind now. No - it was time to stop second guessing herself. She was doing something that would help. Something good. Finally, something that she could actually do.

Something she could do for Koa.

We are shining
And we will never be afraid again

I couldn't utter my love when it counted
Ah, but I'm singing like a bird 'bout it now

His time in the Greatwood is coming to an end. Half a season, and Koa has yet to find a single bloody flower - unless, of course, you count the one that tried to eat him alive. He will not particularly miss this place, with its violent foliage and fluctuant paths.

But he will miss running into Sohalia, and the way the very sight of her can light up even the dreariest day.

Koa's dressed up nicely for what feels like the first time in a while: he'd managed to grab some things on his last trip to Stormbreak, like the fitted black t-shirt and light tan jacket, as well as stone-washed jeans. His hair is combed, his chiseled cheekbones sporting an intentional, well-clipped shadow. Like Sohalia, he'd deny that the attention to his appearance was due to this being a date. He's just a handsome young guy who likes looking good.

If that makes him more impressive in the eyes of a pretty girl, hey, who is he to complain?

He's been trying to decide what to say to her since they made plans to meet up; now as he pushes into the cafe, he still has no idea. Follow the vibes is his usual motto, but gods if he's been able to put a finger on exactly what their vibe is. It's good, of that much Koa is certain - great, even, warm and open and wonderfully, dangerously easy. All he knows is that his face lights up as soon as he sees Soh, happiness effusing across his features and something fluttering within his chest.

"Soh!" Pushing his way to the table she's chosen, Koa greets her with a trademark grin, his copper eyes grazing eagerly over her petite frame, taking in the braids and golden earrings with a lift of his brows. "You somehow look more beautiful than usual, which I didn't know was possible," he winks. Flirting hard, right off the bat? It's a bold move, and maybe a foolish one, but as I've always said: Koa's not a thinky type. He's just following the vibes.

Koa

And I couldn't whisper when you needed it shouted
Ah, but I'm singing like a bird 'bout it now

totally sniped from odd ilu

Sohalia

Say my name
And every color illuminates

Finally spotting Koa - and gods did he look good - Soh raised a hand in greeting, feeling her lips tilt into a grin. Like the dragoon, she wasn’t exactly sure how to pinpoint their vibes. They were somehow managing just fine in the friends category, and yet, every once in a while, Soh felt like there might still be something more lurking just beneath the surface. But maybe that was just her imagination, or wishful thinking, or something that was entirely a her problem. Koa had been very clear about what he wanted.

Right?

”You’re not so bad yourself, handsome,” she giggled, giving him a once-over as her cheeks pinkened with pleasure. She wasn’t a particularly vain girl, but she did love a compliment - especially coming from someone who made her heart flutter in her chest the way that Koa did. But she didn’t linger over it for too long, too excited to share her news. ”Here, sit down. I have something to tell you!” Many things, actually, but for now, she’d stick to the one that felt safest.

We are shining
And we will never be afraid again

I couldn't utter my love when it counted
Ah, but I'm singing like a bird 'bout it now

It's almost as if the last few years hadn't happened and they're back to what they almost were: young and hopeful and naive, flush with the excitement of learning about each other, cultivating a future with unabashed ardor. Koa preens beneath the compliment, grinning and cocky because yeah, he knows.

He pulls out his chair then settles in, placing his weight upon his elbows as he leans in toward Soh. "Me too," the young man smiles back, any uncertainty easily smoothed by the simple pleasure of being here. Even if he hadn't been in good spirits already, Sohalia's eagerness in terribly infectious; Koa catches it like a cold he's happy to never have cured. "You first, though," he adds magnanimously, though there's genuine curiosity behind the play. "Seems like you must have some good news - you're practically bouncing out of your seat."

Koa

And I couldn't whisper when you needed it shouted
Ah, but I'm singing like a bird 'bout it now

totally sniped from odd ilu

Sohalia

Say my name
And every color illuminates

Koa settled into a chair and leaned in, and Sohalia was immediately curious about what news he had to share. If it wasn’t for the magnitude of her own, she might have insisted he go first, but she couldn’t bring herself to wait another minute when he indicated she should share.

”I prayed to Vi,” she said without preamble, her voice shifting into something awestruck. ”And he answered.” She gave that a moment to sink in, and though she didn’t usually have a flair for the dramatic, she had to admit that this was different. ”If I complete his tasks, he’ll give me a rose.” And here was the part that she was so excited about, the piece that she couldn’t wait to tell Koa. She reached across the table, offering a hand to the dragoon. ”Koa… we’re going to save Noe.”

We are shining
And we will never be afraid again

I couldn't utter my love when it counted
Ah, but I'm singing like a bird 'bout it now

"Oh, holy shit." Vi the beautiful, terrifying god of Life itself. Breathless awe fills Koa at the revelation; he whistles, impressed by Sohalia's bravery in approaching the god. He'd only encountered Vi the once, and not fully intentionally. And though he had tried praying to the Father of All recently, he had to admit he'd been slightly relieved when Safrin had shown up.

He's about to ask after what she might have requested, but finds he doesn't have to. "Oh." A rose: of course; what other thing had anybody gone to the Great Gods for, these days? The enchanted flower can turn their tides; gods know he's been desperate enough for one, and if he feels a spike of guilt at the reminder of his own failure to secure a flower, he pushes it aside. This news is too good for him to dwell on his sorrow, and if he hadn't already been swept up in Soh's excitement he'd be newly buzzing now, squeezing back against her hand, his copper eyes aglow. He's just about to ask what she needs to do and how he can help, but again Soh beats him to the punch.

And this time what a punch it is.

Error 404: Koa.exe has stopped working. That's what ought to flash over his forehead, but we'll have to settle for the physical equivalent. All the vibratory energy he's displayed grows abruptly crystal and still; he blinks at Sohalia, uncomprehending, because there's absolutely no way, right? No, no, he's definitely misunderstood her, replaced whatever she actually said with his own selfish thoughts. He wants to laugh it off, or shake his head, or sweep her in a hug.

Instead he asks her, soft and stupid and with a tremulous quaver beneath the still: "What... what did you say?"

Koa

And I couldn't whisper when you needed it shouted
Ah, but I'm singing like a bird 'bout it now

totally sniped from odd ilu

Sohalia

Say my name
And every color illuminates

Bravery? Perhaps, or perhaps it was monumentally stupid. She still wasn't sure what the God of Life had thought of her after revealing that she intended to cure one person rather than contribute to the greater good, but in the end, he'd given her the quest. So it couldn't have gone that poorly, right?

After all, all life was sacred, wasn't it? And so sure, perhaps, in some ways, wanting to save Noe was a selfish decision. But so, too, was it something she could do. She couldn't fight. She couldn't storm Starfall. She didn't know where to start with taking back Stormbreak. But this? This was something she could do.

And perhaps Soh should have paused before delivering the final blow, but she was simply too excited to wait even a moment longer. But where she'd expected excitement, or elation, or even a refusal to accept the help (because that seemed like the kind of thing Koa would do, as selfless as he was), there was only a blank, disbelieving stare. And Soh stared back, bemused by the dragoon's lackluster response.

When he asked her to repeat herself, she tilted her head to one side, rubbing her thumb gently across the knuckles of the hand she held in hers. "Noe," she said. "I... the rose is for Noe."

We are shining
And we will never be afraid again

I couldn't utter my love when it counted
Ah, but I'm singing like a bird 'bout it now

Outward he may be lackluster, but inside Koa is... you know what, also fairly lackluster, because his operating system is taking its time in coming back online. He becomes aware first of Sohalia's soft fingers, and the feeling of muscles straining in his cheeks, and the sensation of heat and moisture in his eyes, and oh, gods, was it always this hard to talk? "The rose is for Noe?" If he was more cognizant he might be embarrassed by how quiet and childlike he sounds.

His grip on Soh's hand has become almost vice-like, potentially painful; he peers at her in a cloud of disbelieving wonder that slowly breaks into clear elation and hope. "Soh..." In a flurry of movement Koa is out of his seat, sweeping his strong arms around her in an awkward, uneven hug. But he doesn't care about that, doesn't care at all. He's pulled her face into his chest which bubbles with a choking laugh, dropping his head to press against the silken, golden crown. 

"Holy shit, Sohalia," Koa whispers, clinging to her like a raft in the sea. "I can't believe this. Holy shit." Another joyous laugh.

Koa

And I couldn't whisper when you needed it shouted
Ah, but I'm singing like a bird 'bout it now

totally sniped from odd ilu

Sohalia

Say my name
And every color illuminates

Soh could see the moment the realization dawned on Koa, and not just because he suddenly launched from his chair to sweep her into a hug. She could see it in the way his eyes widen, feel it in the way his grip suddenly clamped down on hers, hear it in the prayerful way he said her name. And if she hadn't already been convinced that this was the right thing to do, this would have made it worthwhile - because Noe was important to Koa.

And Koa was important to her.

She wrapped her arms around his middle, as much to steady herself as to steady him, pressing her face into his chest as he choked a laugh somewhere above her head. "Of course it's for Noe," Soh whispered into his chest. Because who else would it be for? While she was sure that there were plenty of infected people walking around who deserved healing just as much as Noe, this was the one person who she felt confident in contributing to. Flora had Hadama, and Jack, and her parents, and a whole long list of people, some of whom were probably on better terms with the gods than she.

Noe only had Koa - but, even if the girl hated her, that meant she had Sohalia, too.

We are shining
And we will never be afraid again

I couldn't utter my love when it counted
Ah, but I'm singing like a bird 'bout it now

Her arms are steadying around his waist, grounding poor Koa who feels so light he may well float away. Soh's hair tickles her nose; the sweet aroma of her perfume fills his head with giddy warmth. This moment is golden and warm and good, and later Koa will think back to it, will try to crystalize each happy emotion and use them as a beacon when the days grow dark. Noe is going to be cured. He's going to get his family back.

And all because of Soh.

"Sorry. Wow. I just can't- wow." Koa uses his ankle to pull his chair closer, keeping the Luminary's hand in his as he perches at the edge of his seat. "Okay, but..." Somewhere in the back of his mind, a flicker of reality is breaking through. "But, Soh... is that, I mean..." He shakes his head, searching for clarity as the gravity of the situation begins to pull him back to earth. "I can't ask you to do that for me." He and Noe didn't even like each other, last he'd been aware.

Koa

And I couldn't whisper when you needed it shouted
Ah, but I'm singing like a bird 'bout it now

totally sniped from odd ilu

Sohalia

Say my name
And every color illuminates

And there it was. The rejection that she had prepared for.

Sohalia did not consider herself a particularly stubborn person - but in this, she was ready to dig in her heels. She kept Koa's hand in hers, even going so far as to reach out with her free hand to clasp his more firmly. "You're not asking," she pointed out, a mulish set to her mouth that indicated she was not going to be easily dissuaded. Then she softened, her voice turning pleading. "Let me help you, Koa. Let me help Noe." It wouldn't fix the past, probably wouldn't even make Noe like her all that much - but it was something that Soh could do, something she could contribute, something that would mean something.

And if she thought she would be able to effectively use a rose another way, then perhaps she'd consider it. But at the end of the day, they just didn't know enough about their adversaries to know whether defeating the Family would automatically cure their victims. Even if she gave the rose away to someone who could use it, would that cure Noe? Or would they still be down a rose in the end no matter what she did?

We are shining
And we will never be afraid again

I couldn't utter my love when it counted
Ah, but I'm singing like a bird 'bout it now

What goes up must come down. Koa has always been a denser lad; it's no wonder that he falls so hard, especially given how fucking smothering reality is these days. "I can't--" he repeats, his voice catching, and this time when he shakes his head it's less a denial and more an attempt to clear the ringing in his ears. Every part of him screams that he's being an idiot, that he should take this gift and cling to it before it's snatched out of his hands.

Except... how can it possibly be the right thing, with the rest of the world at stake? The memory of his conversation with Flora springs up, uninvited: there were things he hadn't been able to say then, things that now he can't hold back. "You don't understand. Of course I want to cure Noe more than anything in the world, but... but can a rose really be spared?"

The hands on Sohalia's tremble; he's not sure which of them he's trying hardest to convince. "If a flower could be used to clear Starfall - to stop the Family... should we really be using it on people who are... well, y'know. Ronin, Sunjata, you-- people who matter, so to speak."

 Because while Noe may matter more to Koa than nearly anyone in the world, he's still a soldier, trained to sacrifice the part to serve the whole.

Koa

And I couldn't whisper when you needed it shouted
Ah, but I'm singing like a bird 'bout it now

totally sniped from odd ilu

Sohalia

Say my name
And every color illuminates

Sohalia clung to Koa’s hands, her gaze fixed on his, her eyes suddenly solemn against the weight of what he was saying. It wasn’t right, she thought, that any of them should be in this position: to choose who deserved saving in a world where everyone did. But even a small step against the Family was progress, and she staunchly believed that this was the right thing to do - consequences be damned,

”First of all, Noe does matter,” she said in a voice that was stern, but not unkind. ”All life is sacred, Koa, and this infection…” She shook her head. ”Noe is a person, and she deserves saving just as much as anyone else. Secondly, she’s your sister, and you deserve to be able to save her. This isn’t a sacrifice that you should have to make.”

Soh paused, peering into Koa’s face to see if he’d heard her before continuing. ”Finally, if that isn’t enough, Stormbreak is ours, which means that Noe is ours. If we don’t intervene to save our people, what good are we?” Again, she ran a thumb over Koa’s knuckles, offering comfort and hoping that he would accept this decision, because Soh was determined to heal Noe whether Koa agreed or not. ”She deserves saving, Koa. And you deserve your sister back.”

We are shining
And we will never be afraid again

I couldn't utter my love when it counted
Ah, but I'm singing like a bird 'bout it now

The severity of Sohalia's tone is grounding for Koa; he clings to her authoritative conviction, trying to believe everything she says. The problem is he knows she's right: Noe is a person, she does deserve saving, and gods if he wouldn't give his own well-being to see hers restored.

But that doesn't change the responsibility he feels toward the world at large, or how it weighs upon his shoulders. Or the guilt he would feel, sacrificing the chance to cure a region for his sister's sake.

And then there is the other fear, the one he hasn't yet managed to admit even to himself. But as Sohalia brings up Stormbreak Koa finds himself unable to shake the thought. Dropping his gaze from the comforting silver, Koa stares down at their entwined hands. "But Stormbreak isn't ours," he whispers, the truth of the words tearing him apart. "It's theirs, and we still don't have a plan for how to take it back. And... and I can't help thinking that maybe it's safer, with her infected. At least the Void isn't a threat to her now, and she seems happy, and we don't know what they'd do to her if she was cured, and I just... I just don't know." Doesn't know anything: not what danger she might be in if he makes this decision for her; and not what the void might do to her, if left unchecked in her blood.

It's all too big of a decision, one he hadn't been prepared to make today.

Koa

And I couldn't whisper when you needed it shouted
Ah, but I'm singing like a bird 'bout it now

totally sniped from odd ilu