half of my heart's got a grip on the situation

Koa

Two weeks ago, Koa had been utterly confident on the choice he'd be making today.

But then his confidence had been shaken, his dreams turned upside-down. Then Jude had accused him of selfish indifference; Noe had told him how much he missed her; Kai had told him to chase a dream he doesn't want to believe him. And Flora, Flora had appeared before him, hollow and fragile and so utterly alone, and Koa had felt things he know he shouldn't been feeling, and the threads of his heart had become so tangled he hadn't known how to begin unraveling it all.

And through it all his mental countdown had continued, and the warm flush of anticipation he'd felt at the beginning had morphed into something almost analogous to dread.

It's not quite dusk, the agreed upon time, but Koa's been here for hours. Years of training and the rush of anxiety had propelled him to the Observatory closer to noon than nighttime; he'd spent the time since alternating between pacing the periphery and brooding on a bench. It's the latter he's engaged in now, his right leg bouncing in a steady, nervous beat, the last light of the fading day slanting across his handsome features.

He's wearing a forest green button-down and black washed jeans, looking stupidly attractive and well put-together - save for his thick hair which has become rather unkempt as he continuously runs his fighters through the inky strands. He's leaning forward slightly, staring intently at a sprig of blue flowers which is comically dwarfed by his massive hands. Two weeks ago he'd known exactly what he planned to do with the forget-me-nots, but now?

Now he can only hope that seeing Sohalia will center him, will give him the clarity and conviction that's been so absent these past two weeks.

then you come crashing in, like the realest thing

How deeply are you sleeping or are you still awake?
A good friend told me you've been staying out so late

Sohalia couldn’t remember ever having waited with such eagerness for dusk to fall. Even on the nights she took to feathered wing, soaring high above it all as a snowy owl, she couldn’t remember the day dragging so much just to get to nightfall. She’d been ready for a while, dressed prettily in a white blouse that hugged her slender frame and a blue, knee-length skirt that flounced when she walked and was the color of the forget-me-nots artfully woven into the braided crown atop her head. Finally, she could stand it no longer.

Dusk hadn’t quite fallen when she ascended the staircase to the observatory. The last light of the setting sun turned everything a beautiful, burnished gold, and as she crested the staircase, she paused for just a moment to take in the scene before her. The bench. The young man sitting on it. The sprig of flowers between his fingers.

And for a moment, a brilliant smile spread across her face, because he was here, and he had the flowers, and she had the flowers, and the stars were finally aligning -

But he was staring at the forget-me-nots in his hand as though they’d personally done something to wound him, and although Sohalia was not aware of any thorns on this particular flower, that didn’t mean that she hadn’t run through them before. Still,  her mind did not first go to matters of love, when she saw the brooding young man sitting upon the bench. No, it went first to his family, to his life outside of love, to all the things that could go wrong on a normal Caido day, much less when they were at war with the Family.

So she hurriedly gathered herself and crossed the room, shifting the small basket she carried on her arm containing a blanket, some wine, and two glasses as she walked, so that by the time she stood in front of him, she could set the basket discretely to the side before slipping into the seat beside him. ”Hey,” she said, tilting her head and sliding her hand into his, because he had the flowers, and she was certain, in this moment, what that meant for her. For them. ”Is everything okay?”

Be careful, oh, my darling, oh, be careful what it takes
From what I've seen so far, the good ones always seem to break

Sohalia

Koa

And then Sohalia is there.

And Koa is once again unmoored.

She breaks through his reverie like a quicksilver comet, sliding her hand into his with such remarkable, practiced ease that they may as well be an old married couple, or a pair of sculptures carved from marble to fit against each other's forms. Koa doesn't even startle, just looks over, blinking stupidly. She's so fucking beautiful it aches to look at, and he drinks her in like a sailor in the desert, parched and desperate for some sort of sign of who he's meant to be.

He's halfway to smiling when she asks if he's okay, and the sound he makes in response is garbled, something between a sob and a laugh. "Nope!" he answers with a bizarre lightness that clashes discordantly against the anguish in his eyes, tightening his grip on her hand his nerves threaten to boil over and become a sub-manic haze. Is this a panic attack? Is he having a panic attack?! No way- Koa Carpenter doesn't have panic attacks. Koa Carpenter is chill and level, with an easy smile and a broad pair of shoulders that carry the world without a shrug.

Koa turns back to the glass of the Observatory, his eyes unfocused as he stares out over the woods. "I think there's something wrong with me, Sohalia. I think--" He breaks off, shaking his head slowly from side to side. He shouldn't be doing this, shouldn't be saying this. He'd promised her romance, to be swept off her feet.

The only sweeping he's doing right now is sweeping himself into the trashcan, like the fucking mess he is.

then you come crashing in, like the realest thing

How deeply are you sleeping or are you still awake?
A good friend told me you've been staying out so late

Something was wrong.

Koa didn’t seem to know whether to laugh or to cry, and concern started to work its way into her eyes as she watched him, worry creasing her brow. Was it Noe? Had something happened with the Family? Or was someone else infected now? Where had he been for the past two weeks, and what had happened to have him tightening his grip on her hand and looking at her with a panic that was all too familiar, but never from those copper eyes?

Sohalia let him hold her hand, rubbing calming circles on the back of his with her thumb. Whatever it was, she was certain they could figure it out. They could figure anything out, if given the chance. She was so sure, so completely positive - and a jumble of thoughts formed on the tip of her tongue, but without knowing what was wrong, she wasn’t sure which to offer as solace.

And then - her brows knit together in confusion. He thought something was wrong with him? But that couldn’t be. He couldn’t be infected, because the infected didn’t realize there was something wrong with them. And he was perfect, her shining knight. And this was their night, the beginning of their second chance, and yet…

”Hey, listen, it’s okay,” she murmured soothingly. ”Whatever it is, we’ll figure it out. Why do you think something’s wrong with you? What happened?”

Be careful, oh, my darling, oh, be careful what it takes
From what I've seen so far, the good ones always seem to break

Sohalia

Koa

In a remarkable, undeserved turn of events, Sohalia does not flinch away. She could, though, and she wouldn't fault her - he wants to recoil from himself, to shrink from the unhinged, unraveling collection of emotions in a disintegrating skin suit that he's turning into against his will. But Sohalia stays, and holds his hand, and tells him it will be okay. She's so forgiving, so infinitely kind, that it threatens to break his heart, each word a shot from Artemis' quiver, lancing the disgusting boil of trauma he's spent so long trying desperately to ignore.

"No," he says, shaking is head once more - not to anything in particular, just a general rebellion against the fucked-up vibe. "No, it's not okay, it's---" But again he cannot find the wording, because how is he supposed to tell her everything he feels? That he's a coward who doesn't know if he can do this, not with the specter of Flora constantly in the sidelines, not with the unceasing rain of hurt that they've unwittingly rained on him again and again? He cannot even bring himself to be mad at her, to blame her. They'd all fucked up so many times, and Koa wants so badly to put it behind them, to make this fresh start exactly that: fresh and clean and new and beautiful and full of the magic and love she deserves.

Is he crying? No, not quite, but when he rubs his arm against his eyes, the sleeve comes away damp. "I don't know if I can do this, Soh." Koa murmurs, staring down at that dark patch on his shirt as though it alone is responsible for everything that's currently going wrong. "I wanted to, I really wanted to, and I had all these plans on where I'd take you, what I'd say, but then..." Then he'd been flipped over onto has back and left to flail like a disheveled turtle, unable to regain equilibrium no matter how hard he tried.

then you come crashing in, like the realest thing

How deeply are you sleeping or are you still awake?
A good friend told me you've been staying out so late

”Oh,” she said, momentarily struck dumb. ”This is about me.” And for a moment, something within her withered, the flames of her hope dying down to embers as the realization came crashing down on her that this wasn’t their happily ever after after all. This wasn’t the beginning. It was the end of them, the end of all her pretty dreams about their future and their life and their… their-ness.

A part of her accepted this outcome, accepted that this was the grave she’d dug for herself over the years. Another part of her wanted to scream with frustration that they’d gotten so close and yet remained so far. But the largest part of her - the part that truly loved Koa, the part that was determined and resolved to see this through - that part of her tightened its grip on his hand, tugging gently as though to pull his attention back to her.

She tried to catch his gaze. If his eyes were wet, so what? She could withstand a little emotion. She would be the pillar of support that he needed. She could take it.

So she watched his face, willing him to look at her. ”Koa… I’m sure about this, even if you have doubts. I should have fought for you in the past. I never should have let you go in the first place. But I’m not going to make that mistake again, Koa. I’m here. I want this - want you. And this time, I’m going to fight for us, because we are worth fighting for.

“So if you need a minute, or if you want to talk about what happened between two weeks ago and now, or if you just want to sit here in silence - I can do that. But I can’t let you walk away. Not again.”

Be careful, oh, my darling, oh, be careful what it takes
From what I've seen so far, the good ones always seem to break

Sohalia

Koa

Koa doesn't see the way Soh deflates, but he feels it - the shifting of her aura, the subtle way her vibrations change as her breath hitches and her hand tenses against his. Distantly he thinks that now is where he is supposed to turn and reassure her, to smile and shake his head and say no, it's not you, it's me. Only he doesn't do any of that, because his body - the thing he's honed and built and trusted all his life - his body is static and carved in stone, only moving involuntarily, totally outside his control.

But this time it's Soh who turns to him, who tells him it's okay. And that, that is enough to shock him briefly back to his senses, because how often in his life has that happened? Koa turns toward her at last, blinking as a sad, wondering smile ghosts upon his lips. "Soh," he breathes, reaching out to push a stray curl back behind her ear, the blue petals of the forget-me-not brushing lightly over her cheek.

But the smile fades quickly, and he pulls both hands into his lap, trying to center himself. Koa lets the silence lapse between them, takes his time collecting his thoughts. Ten seconds pass. Twenty. Forty-Five. Finally Koa exhales a steadying breath, and when he finally speaks again his voice is subdued. "I wish it was that simple," Koa sighs, running his hand through his hair. "I wish I could believe that it's enough. That wanting it, because I do want it... Soh, I really, really do, and here, now, with you, it feels like anything is possible. But then I remember the rest of it, and... and it's just so much."

And it's not her fault, except it is - her fault, and his, Flora's and Jude's and Jack's, and the whole damn world's for conspiring against them, for making it so hard to do something that should be the easiest thing in the world. Because it would be easy to love her, so fucking easy, and he wants to - gods, does Koa want to, almost as much as he's ever wanted anything in his life. He wants to shake off this anxiety and wrap her in his arms, to cover those tender lips with promises about the future they'll share, the things they'll do, the them that they could be. And it would be so easy, if he could just get over all the shit that happened---

But there's no getting over the fact that Flora will always be part of her life. And it's something he wouldn't ask her to change, even if he could. But it's also something he knows will always be a wound between them, incapable of ever healing fully, ready to bleed at the slightest turn.

then you come crashing in, like the realest thing

How deeply are you sleeping or are you still awake?
A good friend told me you've been staying out so late

Soh's words coaxed a small, sad smile from Koa, and her heart twisted painfully in her chest because she knew before he even spoke that things were not going to go their way. His fingers brushed against her ear as he tucked an errant hair away, and she might have reached up to capture his hand, to press it against her cheek, to hold him there while she told him that she loved him, over and over until it became a mantra that would carry them through anything and everything that sought to tear them apart.

But he pulled away, taking a piece of her heart with him, and she sat, half-twisted towards him on the bench, her hands in her own lap, fiddling with the hem of her skirt. He was quiet for a while - and she let him think, because what more was there for her to say, at least until he offered something for which she could think up a counter-argument.

And when he spoke, she listened - really, truly listened - and tried to think of any way to reassure him because if he wanted it and she wanted it, and if they just worked at it hard enough, then surely, surely they could make it work. She had to believe that, even if he couldn't right now. Even if it all felt like too much.

"I know," she said, her voice thick with emotion because gods if she could take this burden from him, she would. "I know it's a lot. And if I could take back my part in that, I would. But, Koa, we have a chance. A good chance, to be something wonderful. We can try and see how amazing we could be... or we could give up and never even give it a chance." She paused, searching his face. "I know which option I'd regret more." Do you?

Be careful, oh, my darling, oh, be careful what it takes
From what I've seen so far, the good ones always seem to break

Sohalia

Koa

"I know you would." Again Koa smiles sadly, turning that heartbroken, melancholic face back to the Luminary's glow. Maybe it's his thoughts finally crystalizing, maybe it's simple exhaustion, but it hurts a little less to look at her now that he can't feel his heartbeat in his eyes. Now it's a different ache he feels, less sharp and panicky, more dull, resigned. His hands clench and unclench in his lap. He can see it, the wonderful future she believes in, can feel the potential like the first notes of a song. It's their road to walk down, if only they're brave enough.

But it's a road full of pitfalls. And snakes.

"I hear you, Soh. I do. And it's not that I don't want to try. I really, really do." He rolls his shoulders, his head, his neck, letting his eyes flutter wearily closed. He's trying to imagine it, what it would look like if they gave it a go. Beautiful moments of warmth and joy, sure, but underneath it all? Could he really look past the insecurity, the history? Could he bear being in the same room as Flora, while holding hands with Sohalia?

Even with a heart as big as Koa's, could half of it be enough?

Koa looks down at his open hands, at the fragile sprig of blue flowers, the petals now discolored and wilting, battered by his calloused palm. Sohalia's offering his heart to him, fragile and beautiful and precious as these blossoms, and he cannot bear the thought of returning it to her broken beyond repair. "I just... I don't know if I'm ready. I told you that you deserve a hundred percent, and I... I can't give you that right now."

Taking her hand gently in his, he curls open the pale fingers, tenderly pressing the battered flowers into the crook of her palm. "I'm so sorry, Soh," Koa says, and feels his heart break.

then you come crashing in, like the realest thing

How deeply are you sleeping or are you still awake?
A good friend told me you've been staying out so late

Soh could feel her heart shattering, but it was a slow break - piece by piece falling away to litter the ground around her, making it impossible to even move without making a deeper cut. This wasn't how tonight was supposed to go. They were supposed to show up, with their flowers, and it was supposed to be happy and joyful and exciting and new; this had never been a part of her imaginings - a scenario in which he wanted to try but wasn't brave enough to take the leap.

But perhaps that wasn't fair. He said he didn't know if he was ready, and that wasn't the same as saying no.

So as Koa pressed the flower into her palm, Soh reached out to grasp his hand in both of hers. "If you're not ready, I'll wait," she said, passion tinged with a hint of desperation. "I can wait as long as you need. Just don't do this, Koa. Don't say no right now. If it's a few days, a month, a year - Koa, I love -"

A pop. A crinkle of static. A voice in their minds, reading a poem to Noe.

Vox.

Horrified, Sohalia's grip tightened on Koa as she stared at him, her face suddenly paler than usual. It was one thing to know that Noe was infected, but to hear that she was so favored by one of the Family... her blood ran cold at the thought. And if that was her reaction, then Koa...

And suddenly their romantic problems seemed less pressing, somehow. It was time for Soh to focus on her quest. If she could get a rose, she could cure Noe, and if she could cure Noe, then surely Koa would see how serious she was.

Be careful, oh, my darling, oh, be careful what it takes
From what I've seen so far, the good ones always seem to break

Sohalia

Koa

What right does she have, being so good- and what does he have, to reject it? Koa swallows hard as Sohlia's hands wrap around his like an anchor, the ferocity and passion in her silver eyes as startlingly intense as a bolt of lighting streaking through a cloudless sky. Maybe he is being hasty, foolish; maybe they do stand a chance. He lifts his hand, the backs of his knuckles curling toward a pale cheek---

---and freezes, paralyzed as a crackling voice slides like an icy knife into his brain.

Vox.

Noe.

Abruptly everything else slips away, replaced by a sinking terror. Any word from Vox is never good, and this... this ode feels less like a poem and more like a warning, at least in Koa's mind. Suddenly nothing matters except that he has to get to her, to get home, to make sure that she's safe. Koa staggers to his feet, looking around wildly as an animal desperate to escape. "Fuck, Noe--" They still don't have an answer, still don't have a rose, but he knows he has to reach her anyway. He casts a desperate look at Sohalia, needing her to understand. "I'm sorry, Soh, I have to go." He's not trying to flee her, even if it really and truly looks that way.

And then, Koa runs

There's a skyship in the act of leaving, its anchor raised, its ropes unmoored. "Wait!" he cries out futilely, earning surprised glances from the dockhands and passers by, but it's too late. The boat has pulled too far to be jumped to, and Koa isn't Attuned. If only there was a way for him to fly....

But perhaps he can get some help.

"Please!" Koa cries, his voice raw and desperate as he entreats the spirits of the Greatwood, reaching for that magical connection he's managed to tug on so many times before. "Please, I have to get on that ship!" Teleport him, toss him - Koa doesn't care. He has to get home, and this feels like the only option, because every minute he spends out of Stormbreak is another where Noe might disappear.

---

Koa is trying to channel a spirit to teleport him onto a skyship that's just pulled out of the dock!

Accepted Channeling: Allows an Accepted to channel a herald/demigod/spirit during a time of crisis (2x a season). Can be combined with other accepted channeling to increase power.
Type: Light | Rank: Upgraded

then you come crashing in, like the realest thing

The wind died in an instant.

All at once, the forest seemed to hush—leaves stilled mid-rustle, birds held their breath, and the sun dimmed as if passing behind a shroud. Koa’s cry hung in the air like a bell toll, and the spirits of the Greatwood listened.

Then came the answer.

Shadows pooled behind him—not dark, but depthless, like the space between stars. From it rose a presence both silent and sovereign, and with it, a pair of wings unfurled. Bone-white and veined with ash, they spread with the groan of ancient trees, each feather tattered like funeral cloth. The air turned cold around him, tasting faintly of memory and graves and the hush of long-forgotten names.

The wings bent forward, then beat once—hard—lifting Koa in a sudden, staggering gust. Dockhands cried out and scattered as he was ripped from the ground, carried not gently, but inevitably, toward the skyship. The spirit did not speak, but its message was clear: go then.

It hurled him across the gulf like a soul to judgment, flinging him toward the deck with eerie precision before vanishing, leaving only a scatter of leaves in its wake—and a hollow hush, as if something had passed through the world that was never meant to linger.

RANDOM EVENT

How deeply are you sleeping or are you still awake?
A good friend told me you've been staying out so late

Sohalia understood - of course she understood. She would never want to stand between Koa and his family, and so as he turned to her, desperate apology on his lips, she nodded. ”Go,” she encouraged, her brow creased with concern -

And then he was gone.

Soh followed at a run, but she wasn’t as fast as Koa, nor was she driven by the intensity of his panic; she arrived in the skyport in time to see that the ship Koa was trying to reach was already unmoored, already leaving, and her heart caught in her throat at the sight of him desperately trying to get there in time.

She wasn’t close enough to hear what he said, but she was able to see the darkness pooling behind him. A wordless cry left her as a pair of wings materialized, bone-white, from the depthless black, and she watched in awe and horror as the young man was picked up and hurled across the chasm between dock and ship -

And when he landed, she nearly collapsed in relief. He’d made it. He’d go home to Noe, she’d earn the rose, and between them, they would cure his sister.

They had to.

fin

Be careful, oh, my darling, oh, be careful what it takes
From what I've seen so far, the good ones always seem to break

Sohalia