this dagger in me

Sohalia

Don't try to wake me up
Even if the sun really does come out tomorrow

The Dusklight might not have been Sohalia’s first choice of meeting location, but it was one of Flora’s favorite places and it had a bar, so at this particular moment, Soh wasn’t complaining. She sat at said bar, two empty glasses in front of her and a third half-empty one in her hand, gazing out a window at the Inner Quarter beyond.

Her rendezvous with Koa had not gone as anticipated, and now she was left to pick up the pieces. A few days ago, she’d been convinced that she was about to be blissfully happy, and now… now, she wasn’t sure whether she should be heartbroken or not. It left her in a strange, unhappy limbo that she was attempting (and failing) to drown with liquor, only to find that she made a rather sad drunk.

It made it worse that her hands were tied on her quest, too. It took time for a plant to grow, and she wasn’t eager to return to Vi without truly having created life, so here she was. Waiting. Drinking. Moping. What a lovely combination to treat her best friend to.

Don't believe anything you say anymore
In the morn, in the morning

i'd wipe the dirt off your name with the shirt off my back

Flora stepped into the Dusklight like the velvet-draped den had summoned her by name. The hush of flattering light, the perfume of clove and rosewater, the brush of heat against her bare legs—it all settled over her like a second skin. But tonight, she barely noticed it.

Because Sohalia was already at the bar. And she looked…wrecked. Three glasses. One halfway done. Shoulders slumped just enough to scream not okay. Flora’s heart stumbled in her chest—and then kicked harder as the why clicked into place. This was supposed to be the night. The confirmation. The beginning of something new with Koa.

Instead…

Flora drew in a breath that caught like a hook just behind her ribs and let it out through her nose, smoothing her features into something close to effortless. She approached with quiet steps, slid onto the stool beside her friend, and nudged one of the empties gently with a finger. "So," she said, voice light, practiced. "Was this the celebration round or the what the actual fuck round?"

Her smile was small, tilted, tender. She waved down the bartender without looking, tapping the bar with a single gold-ringed knuckle. "Two more of whatever she’s drinking." Then she turned, facing Sohalia fully. Her aqua eyes searched her friend’s face, reading the cracks beneath the surface even as her own pulse beat wild with unspoken things. She swallowed them down. Every ache. Every old bruise Koa’s name threatened to press on; because this wasn’t about her.

"What happened?"

Sohalia

Don't try to wake me up
Even if the sun really does come out tomorrow

Flora appeared, nudging one of the empty glasses, and Soh turned to face Flora, managing to just barely wobble in her seat as she did so. ”We are firmly in what the actual fuck territory,” she confirmed, pulling a face. She squinted at her drink, then drained what remained in the glass. ”Or maybe somewhere way past it. I dunno.”

She waited for the next round, palming the cool glass when it came and staring down into the bright liquid. Ironic, really, that her favorite drink was the one he’d introduced her to. Now she couldn’t even get properly drunk without thinking of him.

”What hasn’t happened?” she lamented, trying for scornful and really just sounding sad. ”I tried to date two people at once years ago and it’ll haunt me forever.” Her glass hit the counter with a clink; the drink inside barely managed to avoid sloshing over the rim.

Then she sat back on her stool with a sigh, tilting her head back to stare at the ceiling. ”The short version is that there’s too much baggage, and he’s not ready to try again. And I don’t know if he’ll ever be ready, because before we could finish talking, Vox fucking happened and he left to find Noe.” She laughed mirthlessly. ”I get him leaving, but seriously, it’s always something with us, y’know? It’s like we’re doomed.”

Don't believe anything you say anymore
In the morn, in the morning

i'd wipe the dirt off your name with the shirt off my back

Flora keeps her glass resting on the bar, the condensation sliding down her fingers while she watches Sohalia fight to stay composed. When she does speak, her voice is low and steady—no gloss, no punch-lines, just the truth between friends. "First things first: Koa’s an idiot." She lets that sit a beat, then shakes her head. "A good man, sure. Brave. Heart big enough to trip over. But still an idiot. And, Soh, you’ve always known that. Doesn’t make the hurt smaller, but maybe don’t hold it against him that he’s being exactly who he’s always been—panics, runs, promises, panics again."

The mention of Vox draws a clipped groan from her. "I heard that broadcast too. If it helps at all, coming from someone who’s had void in her veins—Noe isn’t in danger, and honestly, Vox probably really does like her."

She exhales, the sound rough. "But holding Jude over your head? That’s bullshit. We have all made mistakes since then. Gods, you’ve heard my highlight reel. If he can’t look you in the eye and see the woman you are now instead of the girl who split her heart in two back then, that’s on him. Not you."

Sohalia

Don't try to wake me up
Even if the sun really does come out tomorrow

”No, I know, it’s just -“ Soh started, but paused, shaking her head. How did she explain that her entire life felt like one big hurdle to jump over after another? That nothing had ever just come easily, and when it had? Those were the things that it had hurt her the most to lose.

”It’s just, at what point is enough enough, Flora? I lost my region. I can’t go home because a psychopath might murder me if I dare step foot in the city. I can’t be with the man I love because something always gets in the way, whether it’s me, or him, or, y’know -“ She gestured vaguely around to everything. ”- the Family, or life.” She shook her head again. Picked up her glass. Toyed with it, tilting it this way and that as she watched the dim light reflect off the drink inside.

”Do you know, Koa asked me once how I managed to stay so warm in such a cold world?” Soh laughed, the sound hollow and brittle. ”I just don’t know how much longer I can, Flora. I’m just so, so tired.”

Don't believe anything you say anymore
In the morn, in the morning

i'd wipe the dirt off your name with the shirt off my back

Flora’s throat tightens as Sohalia’s glass tilts, the amber liquid catching the low lamplight like it’s weighing options of its own. She knows that look—when the fight in you isn’t gone, exactly, but it’s sitting way down at the bottom of the well and the bucket’s too heavy to pull up again. She edges closer, slipping an arm around Soh’s waist and drawing her in until their shoulders press. "No one should have to keep paying the world in heartbreak just to stand still," she murmurs. "You’ve had more than your share."

For a heartbeat Flora hesitates—thinking of old entanglements, of dark corridors in the House of Midnight, wondering if Sohalia's vague encompassing gesture was meant to include Flora's part in all of this as well—but she lets the thought drift away. Whatever pieces of this mess belong to her, she’ll deal with on her own time. Right now Sohalia’s pain is the only thing that matters.

"The thing about you," she says, voice soft but certain, "is that you’ll always be warm. Even if you swear off love, even if you hole up in the coldest and tallest tower Vi ever made, that light in you doesn’t switch off. It’s who you are, Soh. That’s why strangers trust you in five minutes, why Stormbreak was happy to have you as its Heart, why gods call you Luminary. You don’t have to keep proving it or justify it just because some stupid boy gives you a weird compliment."

She nudges their glasses aside and laces her fingers with Soh’s free hand on the bartop. "Tonight you’re allowed to be tired. We can get a room here. We’ll eat something greasy, I’ll steal a bottle of something expensive, and we can decide tomorrow whether the sun’s worth bothering with."

Flora manages a small, steady smile. "Or, we can get really drunk and send Koa like, a thousand letters asking why he's such a moron."

Sohalia

Don't try to wake me up
Even if the sun really does come out tomorrow

There was something to be said for stiff drinks and good friends, Soh thought, leaning into Flora's embrace to lay her head on the Doubletake's shoulder. The bar swam in front of her eyes, and her gaze shifted to the three empty glasses before her. Gods, why was she wallowing? She might not have Koa, but she had Flora, and while it wasn't exactly the same thing... if she had to choose one or the other, her best friend would win every time.

And besides, just because Koa had said not now didn't mean not ever, right? There was still hope. After Noe was cured, after some time had passed and things had settled... well, maybe there was still a happy future out there somewhere. But that didn't mean she had to have the strength to find it right now. Right now, all she wanted was to curl up with Flora, get something to eat, and find something to occupy her mind that wasn't doom and gloom.

"You know, I've never been really drunk. Like, I've been a little drunk, but not wasted," she said contemplatively. "Is it worth the hangover? To drink, and eat greasy food, and probably throw it up later?"

Don't believe anything you say anymore
In the morn, in the morning

i'd wipe the dirt off your name with the shirt off my back

Flora’s eyes go wide, scandalized delight chasing the shadows right off her face. "You—you’ve never been properly drunk?" she whispers, like Sohalia has just confessed to never having tried chocolate. Honestly, she shouldn't be surprised, and in a way she wasn't, but Flora wasn't one to shy away from a theatrical response if there was one to be had. "Oh, babe, that simply will not do. Not in the Dusklight, of all places."

She lifts a hand, signalling the bartender with a confident flick of her wrist. "Couple of house shots—something dark and sweet. And keep the kitchen open; we’re going to need fries, cheese, and regret."

Leaning in until her curls brush Soh’s cheek, Flora lowers her voice to a conspiratorial purr. "Tell you what: you do this first shot with me, and I’ll spill what I got up to the last time I was here." Her grin turns feline. "Spoiler: it involved a very enthusiastic ancient, an adjustable harness, and desperately sore hips the next morning."

She pulls back, arching an eyebrow. "No details until that glass is empty, though." The bartender sets two inky-black shots in front of them. Flora wraps her fingers around Sohalia’s glass, lifts her own, and waits—eyes sparkling—with the patience of a cat poised over cream. "What do you say? Want to shine dangerously low for one night?"

Sohalia

Don't try to wake me up
Even if the sun really does come out tomorrow

Scandalized delight, it seemed, was to be the code word for the evening. Soh couldn't help the hiccuping giggle that broke free at Flora's faux-shock, then the squeal that followed at hints of what Flora had been up to. Sohalia, as we all know, was not particularly experienced when it came to - well, lots of things. But that didn't mean she couldn't use her imagination to fill in the blanks - to a point.

The bartender provided two dark shots. Sohalia eyed them with a mixture of interest and trepidation. While she normally wouldn't go for an evening like this, she was with Flora, and she trusted her best friend to keep her from making any horribly questionable choices. Why not? she thought, and then she downed the shot.

In retrospect, maybe that wasn't the best idea. It burned all the way down, and Soh coughed and sputtered as she tried to come up for air. "What is this?" she wheezed, peering at Flora accusingly through watering eyes.

Don't believe anything you say anymore
In the morn, in the morning

i'd wipe the dirt off your name with the shirt off my back

Flora knocks back her own shot like it’s seawater and she’s parched, then grins through the burn. "I think it's called the Blackdrop,"' she answers, voice raspy but triumphant. "Rum, espresso, blackberries, and a whisper of chili oil. Burns going down, kicks coming back up. Perfect for forgetting names and heartbreak in equal measure."

She sets the glass aside and props her chin on her hand, letting the lamplight turn her curls to molten gold. "So—story time. It's probably no surprise that Jack was..let’s say worldlier than I was when we first got together?" Her mouth twitches, half-fond, half-fraught, opting not to add the additional context of Koa having been the only other person she'd been with at that point. "I thought: why not learn a few new tricks, keep things interesting, you know? And so I thought of my friend Danta, who owns this place and just happens to have a very open relationship with his partner.." She lifts a brow, letting Soh fill in the blanks before remembering the Luminary's own experience. "I asked if he’d let me practise with a strap-on since Jack uh...has been known to go both ways."

Flora spins her empty shot glass slowly. "Apparently I did a pretty good job of it, given how quickly he finished." She winks. "But did Jack ever take me up on the offer once I told him? Nope. We never actually slept together again after that. Funny, right? Whole new skill set I’ve never even used."

She leans closer, bumping her shoulder against Soh’s. "Honestly, I don't even remember the last time we did sleep together, and trying to think about it feels...pathetic, I guess." Lonely, but still pathetic.

Sohalia

Don't try to wake me up
Even if the sun really does come out tomorrow

Flora, of course, took her shot perfectly, leaving Sohalia to stare at her with incredulity as she sputtered for air. Now that she'd had a moment to think about it, she did taste a hint of blackberries, but the overall flavor profile was decidedly more rum than anything else, at least to her uncultured tongue. "Great," she muttered, shaking her head. "Keep 'em coming, then, I guess?"

As the bartender went to grab another round, Soh listened with rapt attention to Flora's story, gasping and giggling in all the right places. But then their fun took a turn, and Soh frowned at Flora. "Nope," she said, accepting the second shot from the bartender. "We are not pathetic. We are perfect, and gorgeous, and perfect, and... wait, I said that one - never mind, it's not important! You said these -" and she held up the second shot, "- would make us forget, right? Well, bottoms up!"

Don't believe anything you say anymore
In the morn, in the morning

i'd wipe the dirt off your name with the shirt off my back

Flora huffed a soft laugh, warmed by the earnestness in Sohalia’s voice more than the booze buzzing through her veins. "Perfect and gorgeous and perfect," she echoed, clinking her second glass against Soh’s. "Can’t argue with logic like that."

She knocked the shot back, the burn sharper this time, as if her body was finally catching on to what her heart had been trying to ignore. Forgetting wasn’t that easy—not when the memories didn’t just sting, but lingered. She blinked fast, swallowed hard, and gave her head a theatrical shake like that might rattle the ache loose.

"Okay," she said, setting her glass down with more force than necessary. "No more moping. If I cry into these drinks, I’ll ruin the ratio." She nudged herself closer, tucking herself up against Sohalia’s side with a familiarity that ran bone-deep. Her fingers drummed lightly against the bar before she turned to the Luminary.

"Okay, new plan. You're coming back with me to Torchine after this and we're going to have the best dresses commissioned by my favourite tailor. We'll get all perfectly tanned and then have a spa day right before my big party at the Hanged Man. I'm sure Koa will show up and by then he'll realize what an idiot he's been and you will look like an angel ready to forgive him." And, if that failed, no doubt Ace would show up and a bit of dirty dancing was sure to get the dragoon's attention.

Sohalia

Don't try to wake me up
Even if the sun really does come out tomorrow

Soh took the second shot, and this time, she managed not to choke on it as it burned its way down her throat. She wasn't sure if that was a good sign or not, but she chose to believe that she was getting better at this whole drinking to forget thing and ran with it. With Flora tucked comfortably against her side, and her mind buzzing pleasantly, it was easy to sink into the fuzzy distance that she'd been afforded. Somehow it made things more manageable, she thought - as though she were watching her life play out from somewhere far away, rather than living through it in the moment.

"Yes!" she cried when Flora suggested Torchline; but then she frowned. "Or, well, I just have oneeee thing I have to take care of in the Greatwood." There was something, right? Something important. "But after that, I'm all yours!" Oh, right, the rose. She had to get the rose. "And we'll be stupidly pretty and your party will be phene-phone-phenomenal." Soh made a face, clearly frustrated that her tongue was no longer cooperating with her brain. "And we won't think about stupid boys at all. Are girls as dumb as boys?" she wondered suddenly, tilting her head to look at Flora and immediately regretting the way the room tilted with it. "I feel like we're better, right?"

Don't believe anything you say anymore
In the morn, in the morning

i'd wipe the dirt off your name with the shirt off my back

Flora groaned theatrically, flopping her head against Sohalia’s shoulder like the weight of her betrayal was too much to bear. "Ugh, you’re not even coming right back with me? The audacity." But then she straightened, blinking slowly as the fuzz from the second shot warmed her ribs. "Wait, what’s in the Greatwood? D'you need help?"

She twirled her fingers lazily in the air, catching the bartender’s eye for another round and mouthing double while she was at it. If they were doing this, they were doing it right.

"We are going to look so fucking hot," Flora declared, lifting a hand as if envisioning it already. "And maybe just to stick it to all the idiot boys… we go home together. See how they like that."

She gave Soh a half-lidded smile, cheeks flushed with heat and drink. "Girls are absolutely better," she said with conviction, then paused, twirling her empty glass slowly. [ay]"I nearly dated one once. Way, way back. Her name was Paige. She had the softest lips—like, unfairly soft—and this laugh that made you feel all tingly." A breathless little laugh slipped out, equal parts wistful and tipsy. "Then one day, she asked me if I’d be her girl, and I said yes, and...and then she literally vanished. Like, puff-of-smoke disappeared. Never saw her again."

Flora sighed dramatically. "Which honestly, kind of set the tone for my entire love life." She nudged her head against Sohalia again. "So yes. Girls are better. But sometimes just as dumb."