My best enemy

Maea

The worst of all blessings

Her heart summersalted beneath her ribcage. A deep red flush colored her cheeks, and for once Maea was left speechless, breath stolen by the way he gazed at her. The weight of his head against her palm felt at once both light as a feather and heavier than any mountain – a precious sort of burden she both dreaded and desired. Did he mean what it sounded like, when he seemed to imply he wasn't going to leave? Could she really believe that this wasn't simply imagined by one who had spent so much time alone that the simplest interaction became momentuous? Ah, at least she couldn't fool herself anymore; despite the relatively short time she'd known this man, somewhere amidst sunlit forest paths and gold-thorned roses he had gotten past all her defenses without even trying. Past walls of ice and feigned confidence, into a heart that had once sworn off anything that even resembled love. When had she started to reach for him like this? When did the simple weight of his hand on her shoulder become such a complex tangle of comfort and want...?

She managed to meet his gaze only for a fraction of a second, before it fell away, down, straying away anywhere so long as it meant escaping the dizzying flutter it brought on. Biting at a lip that had started quivering, caught between a foolishly happy smile and utter nervousness, she mutely nodded. Yes, she would let him know. For as long as he wanted to stay and remind her - "I always want you around." Quiet as a whisper, despite blushing so hard her cheeks felt bruised and a bit overheated - but she meant it.

The most beautiful of curses

Base by Skylark

Who was it that led you on
And makes you want to hurt me so?

Maea seemed lost for words, for a moment, and Liam felt a small smile turn the corners of his lips up as he watched the deep red flush creep into her cheeks. Perhaps another version of him would be hesitant to reach for the Ancient like this; but here, now, it felt as natural as breathing to trace the line of her shoulder with his thumb and promise her forever as she cupped his face in one hand.

The soldier reached up with his free hand to gently trap hers against his cheek, marveling at how easily she’d managed to slip past his own defenses. He’d once sworn off love and  all its trappings, unwilling to risk his heart again in a dangerous world where anything could happen - but here he was, finally ready to offer his heart. ”Then I’ll always be here,” he vowed, his gaze flickering across her face as he searched for the understanding he hoped would bloom there.

But she’d dropped her eyes to find anywhere else to look, giving Liam pause. Perhaps he was reading too much into a reaction that wasn’t anything like what he hoped -

But he’d never know unless he put himself out there. And suddenly, that didn’t feel like such a terrifying prospect.

”Maea…” he murmured as he released her hand, reached for her chin, gently trying to tilt her head up so that their eyes could meet once more. ”I - I don’t want to ruin what we have, but… I care about you.” He searched her face, hopeful and terrified, heart fluttering wildly in his chest. ”Could you… do you think you could ever think of me as more than just a friend?”

Who do you want to forget?
Who forgot you long ago?

Liam

Maea

The worst of all blessings

It was one thing to acknowledge her own feelings, and another to believe they could ever be reciprocated. And even when she dared to hope, when his words and gestures really did seem to imply more than what was actually said - even then she struggled to trust her own perception. It seemed too good to be true, after all. These things happened only to other people - the meeting of benevolent knights while on a quest belonged in fairy tales and had no business unfolding right before her eyes. Perhaps she could be forgiven for taking Liam's promise to stay with her with a heaping pile of salt. Happy to hear it, of course, but 'always'? This was Caido. Between gods and spirits, alien invasions and magical anomalies, tomorrow was no guarantee - only a wish, a hope, a solemn prayer for just a bit more time.

Maea might have tried to lighten the mood with a joke or some comment if given enough time to recover, but he did not let her. Yielding to the gentle knuckle beneath her chin, she found herself caught by those hazel eyes, breathless and with nowhere to hide. And just like that, all questions of what he thought or wanted were swept away –

Gliding down from his cheek to rest upon his chest, Maea felt his heart beat against her palm. The pulse was elevated, she realized. Was he nervous? That made two of them. Gods, she had to say something. Sitting like a deer in headlights, all of a sudden any thoughts had been erased by this overwhelming emotion. Like pure light was spilling into a room left in darkness for too long, like doors and windows long barred and shuttered were flung open to a summer wind. Appearing thoroughly stunned at first, the expression on her face changed slowly; surprise turning to wonder, to shyness - and then she smiled. Nodded minutely, knowing he would feel it before seeing it, and somehow remembered to start breathing again. "Mh. I probably... already do," she managed to get out - face burning, overwhelmed by the wonderful, terrifying sensations his regard was awakening within her.

The most beautiful of curses

Base by Skylark

Who was it that led you on
And makes you want to hurt me so?

Nervous was a bit of an understatement for poor Liam just now. Having found the courage to voice his desires, he quickly realized that he had no plan for whatever came next. If she denied him, what could he do other than find some excuse to flee, to find somewhere to lick his wounds in private whilst simultaneously trying not to let things between them change? And if she accepted him…

He was aware of the way she stared at him, surprise written across her pale features, but he forced himself not to lower his gaze. Whatever came next for them hinged on this moment, and he would not cower from it now that he’d voiced that which had taken root in his heart for longer, perhaps, than he would ever admit.

And then she smiled, radiant and beautiful, and Liam couldn’t help the answering grin as her words registered - that she might already feel some of what he felt for her was a revelation, and he was overcome with the sudden desire to laugh, because in what world would someone like Maea ever care for someone like him?

But here she was, saying just that.

And so he dropped his hand from her chin to cover hers, pulling her hand gently away from his thundering heartbeat to twine their fingers together. ”Truly?” he asked, unable to believe that this was where their evening had ended up, deciding that this must be a dream - but if it was, it was one from which he’d rather not wake.

Who do you want to forget?
Who forgot you long ago?

Liam

Maea

The worst of all blessings

The sweetest kind of torture it was, to simply hold his gaze with hers and let him see the truth of her emotions as they playes across her face. Maea had never been good at hiding her feelings, but at least a thin veneer of bravado and fierce independence had built up over the years, in defence of a heart that cared too quickly and too much for casual relations. Somewhere along the way she had accepted that she would likely remain alone for the rest of her days... or thought she had, anyway. The fear that sprung up when she'd thought Liam would be taken from her suggested otherwise, and now... now?
From now on, 'alone' looked like it might be the exception to that rule. A choice and temporary state meant for thinking and recharging, a thing she never had to endure again... because Liam had said always and she had never wanted to believe anything more than she wanted that.

It tickled, braiding her fingers into his. Letting her gaze drop to their entwined hands with a dazed feeling of unreality, she didn't blame him for needing a second confirmation. This was happening? Here, now - despite the purple pulsing through his veins and the scars on her hands? She hardly knew him. He barely knew her, had only been told a fraction of what she'd seen and done - gods, she didn't even know how old he was, if he dreamed of the kind of family he'd once had, whether he felt as passionately as she –

ah. But she wanted to. Wished to find out, if this ember shared between them could persist, and grow into the kind of partnership she'd seen and envied in others. Like her brother and his wife, like Ronin and Remi, like so many others she'd only gazed at from afar.

"Yes. Truly." Lifting her gaze back up to his, the hint of a smile lingered in the corner of her lips as she took in his face, gazing at him like she hadn't allowed herself to other than in secret before. Abashed, but earnest in her quiet admiration of what she saw. "I just... uhm, I've only been in one relationship before. So, you know... if I'm bad at expressing it... that's why." Certainly not for a lack of interest; her hands simply didn't know when to reach out, or how often, or when to let off before it became suffocating.

The most beautiful of curses

Base by Skylark

Who was it that led you on
And makes you want to hurt me so?

Ah, but wasn’t that how it always started? Two people who barely knew one another, but who were willing to take a chance on a life built together? It wouldn’t have mattered to Liam if he’d known Maea for years, for lifetimes - he knew his feelings, and they would have blossomed no matter the timeline. That there were multitudes left to discover about Maea didn’t fill him with trepidation; if anything, he rather looked forward to peeling back the layers, to learning more about her. Because he rather thought he knew - at her heart - who she was, and that was who he had fallen for.

Any lack of experience was something shared, at least in part, for he’d only ever been with his late wife before, and he wasn’t quite sure how to navigate romance in a world in which he’d accepted her absence. There would be plenty of time for him to wonder what she’d think of it all, but ultimately he would always believe she’d have wanted happiness for him. That she’d have accepted him moving on, knowing that there would always be a part of him reserved for her.

For now though, any flicker of hesitation from Maea was met with a gentle squeeze of her hand. ”Me too,” he admitted, a faint flush creeping onto his own cheeks. ”We can figure it out together.” He ran his thumb across her knuckles, a smile persisting, shy but joyful. ”Just - tell me if I’m ever too much, or if there’s anything I do that you don’t like.” Because now that he knew her feelings, he knew himself well enough to know that he would want to be with her more than ever. And that kind of devotion could easily become overpowering, and gods knew he didn’t want to end things with Maea before they had even begun.

Who do you want to forget?
Who forgot you long ago?

Liam

Maea

The worst of all blessings

She squeezed his fingers lightly, more relieved than expected to hear that they were equally inexperienced. It made them equally likely to mess up, equally prone to mistakes, misconceptions and just as capable of working out the differences that would inevitably crop up at some point. She'd been swept off her feet once, landed hard and nearly broke from the experience. That it was possible to go slowly and take their time... it might make all the difference. Certainly Liam's assurance and the open door to talk eased that slight fragment of hesitation from her shoulders; her light breath wasn't quite a sigh of relief so much as it reaffirmed for the upteenth time why he was the one to get past her guard.
"I will. You too - any time, any topic, if you're not comfortable or need anything, I'll listen." They were already doing that, but it didn't hurt to reaffirm that the open door went both ways. "How, uh... does this work, now?" Wiggling their joined hands to mean them and this togetherness; she had this feeling that they had suddenly stepped into unknown territory, where the usual rules had changed. The casual camaraderie of traveling together on some days and going off on their own at others had worked out so far, but perhaps simply taking off wouldn't cut it anymore... Somewhat surprisingly, Maea found that it didn't bother her. The blessing of having someone who cared enough to wait and worry if she didn't come home far outweighed the minor inconvenience that came with checking in and sharing plans.

It came slowly, the growing giddy happiness as reality  sank in. They really were doing this. It was real - as solid and true as the hand in hers, as the arm around her shoulders, as the sweet, wonderful ache in her chest as she leaned into Liam's chest and let her head come to rest against his shoulder. It wasn't far away; she hadn't realised just how close they'd been sitting, and definitely wasn't complaining.

The most beautiful of curses

Base by Skylark

Who was it that led you on
And makes you want to hurt me so?

"Thank you," Liam said, smiling sweetly at Maea. They already had a fairly open door when it came to communication, and he didn't intend to let that go now that they were... well, whatever they wanted to define themselves as, really.

As Maea questioned just that, Liam lifted their joined hands, pressing a gentle kiss to the back of hers. "However we want it to, I think," he offered, perhaps a little sheepish, since he had started this and now had no answers as to how they should continue. But relationships were a two-way street, and he wasn't about to make an assumptions about what Maea would prefer.

For his part, though, he knew a few things right off the bat: "For my part, I want you to know that there's no one else. It's only you, for me." He'd never been good at casual dating, or meaningless sex, or anything in between. He was an all-in kind of man, and he hoped that wasn't too much for Maea. "And I think I'd like to take things slow - there's no rush for any part of this." Physical, emotional - he didn't want to pressure her in any way.

Who do you want to forget?
Who forgot you long ago?

Liam

Maea

The worst of all blessings

There's only you. No one else. No rush. Gods. If she hadn't already been smitten with this man, those words alone would have her falling. Some wounded part of her had been questioning whether Liam would turn out to be like Sunjata in the end, where the monogamy she required became a sacrifice to endure rather than a mutual agreement. While Liam hadn't seemed like the type, it was hard to really know when neither of them were vocal about their dating preferences before this... but by the sound of it, she needn't have worried. 

"I'm glad... I don't like sharing," Maea murmured, still red in the cheeks and squirming slightly from the brush of his lips to the back of her hand. It was such a sweet gesture and she hardly knew how to contain the onslaught of emotion it brought on, like she might spontaneously combust or possibly start crying from sheer overwhelm. "There's no one else for me either, and there never will be." Like the crow dwelling at the core of her being, Maea had always been a one person only kind of soul. That it had taken her a decade to overcome the loss of her ex spoke volumes of how big a deal it was for her to let anyone in, and while it was true that feelings could change over time... she still wouldn't break this kind of promise. 
"What does 'taking it slow' mean, to you?" she asked, while they were still laying out the ground rules. Maybe it was a bit awkward, but she preferred it - to define boundaries and expectations way before innocent mistakes could even occur. "Also - where goes the line between 'friendly' and 'intimate'? Just so I know when to get jealous." It was only half a joke; while being casual with friends was perfectly permissible, there was a difference to define regardless of the trust they had for each other.

The most beautiful of curses

Base by Skylark

Who was it that led you on
And makes you want to hurt me so?

And there never will be. Liam swallowed hard at the words, at the promise behind them - a vow that they'd already made, in a way, but not quite as clearly as this. Not when things between them were finally laid out in the open, when they were working to build the beginnings of a life together. If his heart hadn't already been Maea's, then he would have gladly handed it over to her now. All he could do, though, was smile again, his cheeks beginning to ache from the pure, unadulterated joy that she'd brought him.

"I mostly mean in a physical sense," he admitted, moving the arm around her shoulders to rub the back of his neck, suddenly feeling vulnerable. It was, of course, important to lay things out clearly, but it didn't make it any easier for someone who had only navigated these waters once before. "I think... emotionally, I'm yours. I want to get to know you better, and all that that entails, but... I'm not going anywhere. But, physically, I just don't want there to be any pressure. I think it's clear by now that I like touching you -" And he held up their joined hands. "- but I don't want you to feel like you have to do anything you aren't ready to do."

As for intimacy, Liam reddened. "I'm not the most... affectionate person, except with you." He thought back over the times he'd taken her hand, or held her, or picked her up to spin her around when she'd found that first rose. It might not have been often, but it was more than he'd given anyone else. (Unless we count Flora kissing him, which... should he mention that? Was that the kind of thing he should share, even if it happened before?) "If it's someone I know well, I might give a hug, but mostly, I'm more of a handshake kind of guy. To me, touch is... special." Maybe that was silly, but it was the only way he knew to be.

Who do you want to forget?
Who forgot you long ago?

Liam

Maea

The worst of all blessings

Given the way she had all but curled up against his side by now, Maea clearly didn't have any objections to being touched by him either. "Okay. For me... I think I might be quite touchy originally. But I've had some bad experiences, and my previous relationship ended because I didn't want to invite others into the bedroom... So somewhere along the way, it became this huge thing in my mind. Like offering a simple handshake meant giving away something – " Using her free hand to pick at a loose thread at a seam of her skirt, Maea considered the way she interacted with those she felt close to. "I'm getting better at it, I think. And I actually really like hugs, and little nudges with my closest friends... anything more than that gets too private, though." Going slow would likely be necessary, truth be told, no matter how comfortable she felt right now. They were on the same page about that, as with so much else.

"What's the worst thing anyone could do to you?" It was an impulse question, purely out of curiosity, and a perfect reason to let her gaze linger on his face... ah, not that she had to sneak glances anymore. Looking was fine, right? Allowed, perhaps even encouraged - a thought that stirred up all the butterflies in her gut for the hundredth time this evening.

The most beautiful of curses

Base by Skylark

Who was it that led you on
And makes you want to hurt me so?

With Maea curled up against his side, Liam couldn't recall having felt happier than this in recent memory. With one arm wrapped around her and the other holding her hand, it was more than enough to satisfy the soldier's need to be close to her.

But talk of bad experiences brought a frown to his face and concern to his eyes. "I'm sorry," he said simply. "I wish I could take that experience away from you." He couldn't imagine the pain that she must have felt, if she was anything like him - and he suspected that she was. If his wife had suggested such a thing, he'd have been heartbroken. "I know there are couples that make that work, but I could never."

Maea smoothed her skirt, and Liam paused, another thought rising. "I hope I've never made you uncomfortable," he said suddenly, looking down at her with new worry. "Things with you have just felt so... natural. I like being close to you. But if I ever do too much, or move too quickly - just tell me."

Her next question gave the soldier pause, and he hummed thoughtfully as he considered. But at the end of the day, his concerns with himself were minuscule in comparison to those he cared about. "The worst thing someone could do to me would be to hurt someone I care about, especially if there's nothing I can do to stop it." Being helpless - that was something that he hoped desperately never to feel again. His arm tightened almost imperceptibly around Maea's shoulders as he considered the lengths he would go to in order to keep her safe and happy. "What about you?"

Who do you want to forget?
Who forgot you long ago?

Liam

Maea

The worst of all blessings

Brushing her thumb along his to soothe the worry in his eyes, Maea smiled, thoughtful in her reflection of the past. "Mh, thank you. It didn't kill me,  though, and I learned what I need to feel safe... it is what it is." And after spending so many years chewing over all the things that went wrong, she was more than ready to move on. "I think I'd rather have you show me what it's supposed to be like." What it felt like to be enough for someone. Not perfect, not without flaws or incapable of changes or improvement, just... enough, so that there was no need to look anywhere else.

Quickly quenching his concerns about being overbearing with a shake of her head, Maea didn't even hesitate. "No, not at all. Not even once. I've never felt anything but safe and respected around you. It's probably how I came to trust you so quickly... It never felt like there were any ulterior motives to anything you said." Only genuine care and concern, on top of an honesty that paired exquisitely well with her own. It was hard to believe that she'd  once dismissed him as a pretty face that she couldn't possibly relate to; hard to think he'd been only a face in the crowd less than a year ago. Now her day did not feel complete unless she'd seen him at least once, and though it would likely take her a while to fully digest the shift from friends to... partners? it only felt natural. Like this was the only real way their relationship could have developed.

Relaxing into the warmth of him while listening, Maea was humbled by the weight of Liam's care. Like he'd be fine with anything happening to himself, but woe to the ones who laid a finger on his loved ones - which meant her, too, apparently.
Shifting so that she could slide an arm behind his back, she hugged herself closer, accepting the responsibility of taking better care of herself. "I hear you. I'll do my best to be careful." As for her... She thought about it for a moment. "Probably, lying. I'd rather be hit with painful truths than a thousand white lies, no matter how well intending. I feel like lying... shows you don't trust someone to face reality, and not owning up to uncomfortable situations. Which is human, but... yeah. If there's no honesty, there's no way forward."

The most beautiful of curses

Base by Skylark

Who was it that led you on
And makes you want to hurt me so?

At Maea's smile, Liam relaxed, relieved to find that her past didn't seem to necessarily haunt her; still, he knew he would do everything in his power to do right by her, and to make her feel seen, and adored, and enough. "I can do that," he said softly, confident, at least, in his ability to give Maea that much. He was sure that he would make mistakes along the way - he was, after all, only human - but to give her his all, to devote himself to her... that was something that he could do.

Her reassurances were a balm to the sudden worry that had blossomed, and he watched her earnestly as she spoke of how she'd come to trust him so quickly. That he'd never made her uncomfortable - that, if her actions were any indication, she seemed to enjoy the physical contact as much as he did - was a relief. Now, as she leaned into him, shifting to wind an arm around his back, Liam hummed his agreement. "Honesty is important to me, too," he admitted. "It goes hand in hand with communication. If you can't communicate honestly with someone, then it's difficult to find a path forward with them."

He sat for a moment, marveling at the shift that their evening had taken and the fact that Maea was now comfortably curled up in his arms. If someone had asked him a year ago - or even a season ago - if this was where he would be now, he might have laughed in their face. And yet... here he was.

Here they were.

"So," he rumbled after a moment's pause. "I know we still have a lot to learn about each other, but that will take time. And I'm looking forward to that, but is there anything else you think we should talk about right off the bat?"

Who do you want to forget?
Who forgot you long ago?

Liam