[o] [SE] everything that we should be

To kiss in cars and downtown bars
Was all we needed

Sohalia had never thought of things that way before: as an experience to learn from, something that she could carry with her and look back on as something to never do again. She hummed thoughtfully as she sewed a line of stitches, then tied off the thread. Then she moved on to the next seam. "I haven't had much luck with relationships," she admitted after a moment. "When I was younger, I tried to date two people at once - one of whom was my best friend at the time - and I hurt everyone involved in the process." There was more to the story, of course, but it all came back to her own selfishness and greed. She had been the one in the wrong, and she'd spend a lifetime trying to right her mistakes.

"I recently reconnected with the other guy, and I thought we might try and see if we could make things work, but it just... never seems to work out." She glanced over at Maea, sighing heavily. "I just - I don't really know what love is supposed to look like, I guess. But I didn't think it was supposed to be so hard."

You drew stars around my scars
But now I'm bleedin'

Sohalia

Maea

And I hope that you don't suffer
But take the pain

Maea couldn't quite hide her surprise at the revelation, but still did her best to keep her opinions on such things to herself. Sohalia didn't seem like the frivolous or uncaring type, and clearly it hadn't worked out... but it didn't make her wrong for trying. "Some make that kind of relationship work," she acknowledged, tying off the first seam before rethreading the needle. "I imagine it takes good communication skills from everyone involved... But regardless of how the constellation looks like,  no. It's not supposed to be hard. If it is, then something isn't right and you'll have to examine what, and why, and whether it is worth working on or if walking away is the best course." In her limited experience, at least.

"A childhood friend of mine once said that homes are built, not found. Perhaps the same can be said for love. Sure, there's compatability and attraction to consider, but at some point it comes down to commitment. Deciding whether the other person can be entrusted with all of you, whether you're happier together or apart... I was fortunate enough to find that in someone who also saw those things in me - but I won't lie, I had more or less given up on love and relationships by the time I met Liam. It can take decades, a life time - or half a season, if you're really lucky."

She wished she could offer more reassurance, but luck was just as much a part of finding your match as emotional alignment. Offering unsolicited advice when she barley knew anything herself didn't feel right, either. "What do you want it to be like?" Perhaps by starting there, Sohalia could determine if what she had was aligning with her needs.

Hope if everybody runs
You choose to stay

To kiss in cars and downtown bars
Was all we needed

Soh's cheeks heated at the faint hint of surprise on Maea's face. She'd thought that she would be over the shame of her actions from so long ago by now, that she would be able to talk of what she'd done without the sting of guilt. She'd thought wrong. "Maybe some people do," she acknowledged in a quiet murmur. "But... it was all wrong, with us. All I did was mess everything up for everyone." She still wondered, sometimes, what things might have been like now if she'd simply chosen Jude or Koa and stuck with her decision. Would she be happy? Or would things have ended, regardless?

But it didn't do to dwell on such thoughts, not when the outcome wouldn't make a bit of difference in reality. Soh just wished that she wasn't so lonely. Without Tarak to keep her company, she'd never been quite so aware of just how unhappy she was being alone. And maybe that was part of the problem. Maybe she needed to learn to love herself instead of expecting someone else to do it for her.

But at Maea's question, Soh paused in her sewing, setting the garment in her lap as she looked up at the ceiling. "I... guess I just want..." What did she want? Was it possible that her love life would never live up to the picture she had in her mind because the mental image was too blurry to make out? "I want there to be attraction and intimacy, but I want more than that. I want... I want to share my life with somebody who sees me. I want to know somebody better than they know themselves, and vice versa. I want... I want to figure out what love looks like and feels like when it's right." She glanced at Maea sheepishly. "I don't even know if that makes sense. How can I look for love when I don't even know what it is I'm looking for, really?"

You drew stars around my scars
But now I'm bleedin'

Sohalia

Maea

And I hope that you don't suffer
But take the pain

"Hey, there's no way you could have known that it would end up the way it did," she soothed, seeing the discomfort on Soh's face. "If it's any comfort, I've been on the opposite side of such a suggestion - it might not be as rare or unusual as we're led to believe growing up. It simply wasn't for me, and in hindsight I wish I had responded differently to the proposal. But youth doesn't usually come with that sort of wisdom... What I'm trying to say is, if there were three of you involved, then the falling apart was the responsibility of all three. Not you alone."

Talking herself hoarse, Maea drained the glass and got up to refill it, her footsteps quiet on the kitchen floor. While Sohalia pondered the question, the Ancient settled back into her seat and focused on navigating the path of needle and thread, checking back occasionally to ensure that the stitches would hold.

Then came the soft response, and she found herself smiling back at her, warm and encouraging. "Sounds to me that it's the friendship route you should be taking," she said. "Can I give you a bit of advice? Why don't you shelve the idea of relationships for a while? Give yourself a break from the concept of love, and take a proper look at the people around you from the perspective of a friend instead. Maybe, instead of trying to match them against your wishes, you can start from the other end. Just get to know them properly without expectations - and see what happens from there."

Hope if everybody runs
You choose to stay

To kiss in cars and downtown bars
Was all we needed

Maybe Maea was right, but that was something for Soh to ponder some other time. She'd borne the weight of all that had gone wrong for so long that it was almost more uncomfortable to give it up than to hold it close, and she wasn't quite ready to confront that little part of her that would rather play the victim. Instead, she hummed a note that she hoped was acceptance enough, and focused for a moment on her stitches, which had gotten a little crooked as her attention had slipped elsewhere. Correcting the path of her sewing took a moment, and by the time she'd gotten back on track, it was easier to talk about what she might want in the future than what she wished she'd done differently in the past.

While she hadn't asked for advice, she found herself hanging onto Maea's every word. Wasn't this just what she'd been hoping she would have time to accomplish moving forward? To find herself, to love herself, before she became entangled with anyone else? So she nodded, smiling shyly over at Maea. "Thank you," she said simply. "I think the hardest part is that I don't wish to keep feeling so alone. Before... I always had Tarak, you know? Now, sometimes it just feels..." She trailed off, at a loss for words. But if anyone could understand, surely it would be someone who had also lost their companion, and Soh shook off the melancholy that threatened to settle like a shawl over her shoulders. "But... friendship. I could do that."

You drew stars around my scars
But now I'm bleedin'

Sohalia

Maea

And I hope that you don't suffer
But take the pain

Maea nodded slowly, her eyes warm with understanding. Some wounds never fully healed. She still had moments of waking in a cold sweat, fumbling a mental hand along the bond just to reassure herself that Shii really existed at the other end of it. Too vividly she recalled the yawning void during the wisp's absence, and how it continually ate at her. At least Sohalia knew that it was possible to get Tarak back, if that's what she ultimately wanted. Maea and Shii, Alys and Sascha stood as evidence that Mort could be persuaded - yet it was also not a guarantee. Perhaps that was why Maea didn't suggest it. She wouldn't wish for the young woman to fall into obsession with waiting, not if she had the fortitude to keep going. And she did; Maea was sure of it. Had she not endured so many other things up until now? This loss was not the one to break her.

Smiling with encouragement at the girl's conclusion, Maea gestured lightly between the two of them. "You have one here, for starters. If you ever need anything, I'll do what I can to help. The Greatwood will be there for you too, whenever you wish to return." Whether for a few days, a season or forever; that was not going to change.

Hope if everybody runs
You choose to stay

To kiss in cars and downtown bars
Was all we needed

Soh finished another line of stitches before picking up the water cup she'd set down nearby and taking a sip. Thus far, her work on her costume was going well; at the very least, she hadn't had to rip out any stitches to redo them yet, which was a good thing considering that she wasn't sure she had the right tools to do that without ruining the outfit entirely. After quenching her thirst, she got back to work, diligently rethreading her needle and taking up the task again.

"Thank you," she told Maea as she worked, touched by the Ancient's generosity. "I'm certain that I'll be around at some point; I do so love to travel, when I can. Whenever I'm in the Greatwood, I'll be sure to let you know." It would be nice to simply spend time with a friend, no strings attached - particularly someone who was as seemingly kind and wise as Maea. "And the same goes for you - if you're ever in Stormbreak, be sure to send word."

You drew stars around my scars
But now I'm bleedin'

Sohalia

Maea

And I hope that you don't suffer
But take the pain

"It's a promise," Maea agreed, brightening with a genuine delight at the prospect of seeing Sohalia more often. Stormbreak was a common stop on the journey elsewhere, sometimes with layovers that forced a visit to the floating city whether she enjoyed the place or not. Perhaps with a proper guide she would even overcome her mild aversion towards the stern facades and grand scale of the buildings, and learn to appreciate the comfort and convenience of a big city.

Sinking into a comfortable silence, Maea finished off the second side seam and began to work on pinning the sleeves in place. She had attached a whole half of the first one with long basting stitches when she realized that she had turned the fabric the wrong way, and sighed as she had to undo them all again. It swallowed up her focus to get it right on the second try, but once the sleeves were at least marginally attached she held up the garment for Sohalia to see.

"What do you think? Does it give Ludo?" It didn't, not really. The black silk was too pristine still, though the robe certainly held promise with its flowing sleeves and the subtle changing hues of the fabric. "It will look better with the mask - I'm thinking of finding a cranium of some kind, and maybe decorate it. Lean into the herald of death... unless it's too macabre?"

Hope if everybody runs
You choose to stay

To kiss in cars and downtown bars
Was all we needed

They fell into a companionable silence as they focused on finishing their costumes. Soh was in the home stretch when Maea spoke again, holding up pristine black silk with flowing sleeves, and the Luminary looked it over eagerly. It was very different from the down that Soh had been working on, but she could certainly see how the robe would give Ludo vibes once it was complete, particularly with a mask to go along. "I think it looks great." Not yet finished, and not yet perfect, but certainly a long way towards the goal. "And I think you should do whatever mask calls to you, macabre or not."

Finishing one last row of stitches, Soh cut the thread with her teeth and tied it off before standing, holding the gown she'd been working on up against her chest. It was black and flowing, with sleeves that would hang off the shoulder in a decidedly more revealing way than Maea's robe. Different, but hopefully with enough darkness and liquidity to the fabric that it would be good enough. "I was thinking of a white mask with silver accents," she said, tilting her head at Maea. "I know it's taking some creative liberties, but..."

You drew stars around my scars
But now I'm bleedin'

Sohalia

Maea

And I hope that you don't suffer
But take the pain

It never occurred to Maea that her costume could have been a gown. Seeing what Soh had designed had her looking back at her own creation, second guessing her choices. Was it too childish, in the end? She had been wanting to get as close as possible to the floaty, raggedy tendrils she remembered, the way Ludo almost billowed in some otherworldly breeze. If everyone else showed up in high fashion with a simple eye mask, wouldn't she stand out like a sore thumb? Definitely not what she wanted. But... it was a bit late to change anything now. All she could do was add to it.

"If I can have a bone mask, you can have one in silver," Maea declared, forcing her doubts down, off, away to where they couldn't ruin the fun. "Ludo can look like whatever - or whomever -  it wants, so I don't think we can get it wrong." Or so she hoped.

Casting a glance out the window, she was surprised to realize that the sun had moved several fingers across the sky. A loud gurgle from her stomach announced that lunch had come and gone while they sewed, and that simply wouldn't do.
"Want to take a break and go eat somewhere? My treat it you show me your favourite place."

Hope if everybody runs
You choose to stay

To kiss in cars and downtown bars
Was all we needed

In truth, Soh simply hadn’t found the creativity - or the courage - to try for anything other than a gown. And it wasn’t exactly high fashion, hand-sewn as it was by someone who was an utter novice at the craft. But it would hopefully fit her, if she’d taken her measurements right, and it had a homemade look that she hoped would give off Ludo-ish vibes.

Maea’s stomach growled, drawing Soh from her work with a blink. She hadn’t realized how much time had passed, but she was famished, as well. Setting the gown aside, she smiled at her friend. Somehow, Maea’s appearance had cheered her considerably on this particular day, and since she had no plans and no desire to go back to sitting home alone, she nodded eagerly. ”There’s a place down the street that I absolutely love,” she started, chattering on about food options as they cleaned up. And before long, they had decided on a location and set off to spend the rest of the day in good company with good food.

Fin

You drew stars around my scars
But now I'm bleedin'

Sohalia