sometimes you gotta backstab a motherfucker

you're never gonna get it, I'm a hazard to myself

Their first full day in Torchline in vacation-mode is progressing very well in Danta's opinion. It's late afternoon, the sun tiptoeing sluggishly towards evening by the time they return to Wildering House, having sunbathed and napped and gotten buzzed on cocktails and wine and molten pineapples on the beach for much of the day. But now Asta has said something something the hot tub, and Danta has let him go to potter about in the pool area while he plans to keep the party going.

How that currently looks - or sounds, rather - will be evident from the noise coming from the kitchen, where the Maverick is enthusiastically bashing a bag of ice with a rolling pin to crush it. On the counter beside him are scattered a various array of cocktail ingredients: gin, aperol, syrup, lemon juice, soda, as well as a few large wedges of fresh watermelon.

Humming to himself in time with the beating he's giving the ice, Danta is clearly still a little buzzed, fair hair swept back out of his face by his sunglasses, wearing only a pair of loose linen pants and a pair of flip-flops, shoulders deeply tanned by a day spent soaking up the sun.

Dantalion

I'll break it to you easy, this is hell

i can't help it if i want to kiss you in the rain, so

Flora flounces into the kitchen, bare feet cool against the coral stone floor, white bikini top stark against her sun-warmed skin, denim shorts short and sun-faded. Her red lipstick is still intact from that morning, a bright slash of colour across her lips as she takes in the noise first—the relentless thud of ice meeting rolling pin—before her gaze slides to the counter and the spread of bottles and fruit bleeding pink onto the surface. She pauses, then plants her hands on her hips, one brow lifting as she watches Danta, before grinning at him. "You know, we have a dragon for that."

Flora's whistle is sharp and practiced, and the air answers almost immediately with Spice a streak of white and frost, delighted with purpose, circling once before hovering near the counter as if this is the most sensible request anyone has ever made. Flora’s laugh follows, light and unguarded, satisfaction settling easily into her shoulders as she leans back against the counter, hip pressed into cool stone, gold rings flashing as she gestures vaguely at the chaos of ingredients.

Her gaze tracks the gin, the aperol, the lemon, the watermelon. "Make me one?"

you're never gonna get it, I'm a hazard to myself

"We do? Well nobody told me," Danta announces mid-swing, though he doesn't seem too upset about it based on the grin he flashes over his shoulder at Flora. "It's more fun like this anyway," he decides, and a few more well-placed thuds and he's content with the ice consistency - just as Spice arrives. "I promise I will call on you for the next one," he says. Because there will be next ones. "Also, hello," he croons to Flora, turning to gather the rest of the ingredients up - and to reach up and grab a third glass to make her a cocktail as well.

"Thanks again for letting us come to stay for vacation." Danta's next words are mumbled around a mouthful of watermelon while he transfers the rest of the ingredients into a cocktail shaker (measuring them by vibes) to mix them up. "Where's your boy toy? I thought I'd have seen him bobbing around in the pool on an inflatable." You know, so he could avoid the shit out of him.

Dantalion

I'll break it to you easy, this is hell

i can't help it if i want to kiss you in the rain, so

Flora’s grin widens at the look he throws her, shoulders lifting in an easy shrug as she makes a vague, permissive little circle with her hand, as if to say carry on then. Spice trills brightly in response to the promise of future service, wings flicking with obvious approval, and Flora’s attention slides back to Danta, lashes fluttering in an exaggerated, affectionate greeting that leans fully into the theatre of it.

"Oh, please," she says, waving off his thanks before it can properly land, the motion loose and dismissive. "You two are absolutely doing me a favour." The words dovetail neatly into his next question, and her mouth quirks as she leans more comfortably against the counter, fingers drumming once against the stone before she tips her chin toward the ceiling with a sigh. "Kai’s up in Stormbreak," she says, then widens her eyes for emphasis "It’s falling out of the sky, you know."

There’s a lightness to the delivery despite the content, as though cities plummeting from the heavens are simply one more thing to be slotted into the day between cocktails and sunsets.

you're never gonna get it, I'm a hazard to myself

Blowing a kiss at Spice even with his hands full, Danta soon pours both he and Flora a cocktail over the crushed ice that he's put into the glasses, garnishing it with a dinky slice of watermelon. "This," he tells her, "is called The Merchant's Wife. Or something like that, I might've misheard the bartender. It's what I'm calling it though." Handing it off and hopping up to perch on a clean bit of the counter, he's already taking a large slurp of his drink when Flora's head angles up to the ceiling, Danta following suit like they might be able to see right through it up into Stormbreak.

"Oh yeah, that's right," he says of the floating-but-soon-to-be-falling region. "Yeah, we got a letter asking if we were able to take people in who wanted to move to the Grounds. Nice to include us if you ask me - must mean we qualify as a real region at last." Grabbing his watermelon garnish to munch on it, he flaps a hand at Flora a couple of seconds later.

"Since he's not here," he says of Kai, "tell me - first of all, who the fuck does his nails, and second, where does he find all his audacity?"

Dantalion

I'll break it to you easy, this is hell

i can't help it if i want to kiss you in the rain, so

Flora’s grin turns outright pleased at the name, glass lifting in a small, wordless cheers before she takes a sip. The sigh that follows is indulgent and entirely sincere despite her theatrics, shoulders softening as she leans back into the counter again. "Oh, that is dangerous," she says, approving, eyes flicking to the garnish before drifting back to him. "Thank you."

Her brow lifts at the talk of letters and regions, head tipping to the side with open disbelief that never quite loses its smile. "Since when have you not counted as a real region?" she asks lightly, then snickers under her breath. "Let me guess. The letter was from Sohalia?" Her eyes widen just a touch, confidence settling in as if she already knows she is right, and she lets that sit for a heartbeat before the conversation swings back to Kai.

Flora tilts her head, confusion threading neatly through her amusement rather than replacing it, lips still curved as she looks at him. "His..nails?" she repeats, a faint frown touching her brow, genuinely lost on that particular point even as the rest of the question clearly entertains her given that audacity was something her secret husband had no shortage of.

you're never gonna get it, I'm a hazard to myself

"Isn't it?" Danta purrs, taking a slower sip of his own cocktail. "You can feel free to steal it for your next bar endeavour. Asta mentioned you might be building one soon, so just yell for us and we'll come and help out." They'd assisted in most aspects of The Hanged Man - mostly the drinking, celebrating, and seedy business at the back of the bar, but still - so of course they'll be on hand to help put the new place up.

Swinging his legs a little on the counter, he scoffs at her question and pulls a face as if she should know very well about the before-times-Grounds. "Back when we were barely more than wilderness?" he says. "I dunno, it just feels like people take the place more seriously now. I like it." Even if it does give him more work to do. At the mention of Sohalia's name, Danta snaps his fingers like the Leo gif around another gulp of his drink and nods. "Mmhm, Somalia, that was her name."

But then conversation swings back to Kai and the Maverick lets out a dramatic ughhh, because both questions tie in together, really. "He found me in the grounds and we got talking - context not that important," he says with a flick of his wrist, because y'know, secret birthday gift. "Anyways he found out that you and I..." Juggling his cocktail, Danta clumsily manages to gesture the finger of one hand through a hole made with his other. "And he got on my ass so hard about it, especially when I said I'd definitely take a tumble with you again. A compliment, by the way." He winks.

"Started talking about how I shouldn't need anyone else 'cause I've got Asta, and that if you really love someone you only feel attracted to them or some shit. We fought, I spiralled afterwards, it was a whole thing. But - but," he adds, as if remembering her original point, "just before I left he said I should think about getting a manicure soon? So not only do I not really feel my feelings about Asta, but my nails are dogshit too?" Explain that, Doubletake.

Dantalion

I'll break it to you easy, this is hell

i can't help it if i want to kiss you in the rain, so

Flora beams at him without hesitation, glass lifting again as if the idea has already been filed away for later, and she nods decisively. "With Hadama stepping down and now Stormbreak trying to fall out of the sky, the bar has been aggressively shoved to the side of my desk," she says, rolling one shoulder as if the weight of it all can be casually shrugged off. "But when I get around to it, you and Asta are absolutely who I am calling for your expertise and vibes, both."

Her eyes roll skyward at his commentary on the Grounds, affection threaded through the motion as she takes another sip of her cocktail. "I think the Grounds is one of the best regions," she says easily. "If I weren't queen of Torchline, I'd come and live under your rule." At her friend's mangled name, Flora nods once, lips curving. "Sohalia is very good like that."

She drinks again as he starts in on Kai, one brow lifting at the casual dismissal of context, though she lets it slide with a small shrug. When his hands make the point unmistakably clear, a snort escapes her before she can stop it, horrified and amused all at once, and she bites at her lower lip as her nose wrinkles affectionately. "Yeeeeeeah," she admits, amusement bright in her eyes as she winces. "I am sure he loved learning about that." The wink is returned without shame, fond and unapologetic. "I'd asked him if he wanted to go through all the people we have slept with," she adds lightly, lifting one shoulder. "He said no, so.."

But as Danta keeps talking, her smile begins to falter; not disappearing, but tightening, her eyes widening as the shape of it all sharpens into something less funny. She is already inhaling to ask what the context actually was when he reaches the end of it, and the word manicure lands like a dropped plate.

Her glass nearly follows it.

Flora fumbles, catching it just in time, red lips pulling into a hard, unamused line as she slams it down on the counter. "He said what." The kitchen feels colder all at once. Spice puffs out a small breath and skitters away, wisely removing herself from the blast radius as Flora’s aqua eyes turn sharp and unmistakably icy. "First of all," she says, voice clipped now, fury contained rather than loud, "don't worry. I'm absolutely going to murder Kai on your behalf."

She exhales through her nose, then moves without thinking, stepping in close until she is standing between Danta’s knees, leaning into him with familiar ease, an arm looping around his waist in a hug. " Second," she continues, looking up at him, "I'm really sorry he said any of that. He is sort of old-fashioned about things, but he shouldn't have told you how to live your life." She nudges him gently, affection settling back into place where anger cannot quite reach. "Especially when you and Asta are the best couple."

you're never gonna get it, I'm a hazard to myself

"Yeah, your to-do list does just keep seeming to get longer," Danta agrees, frowning. "And if you'd be happy to live under Dygra, by all means, the Grounds would be infinitely better with you moving there. Impeccable vibes all around." He leans casually back on one hand. "You could bartend for the Dusklight and no one would ever dare leave without tipping you." Whether because of Flora on her own, Danta as the owner or, much more likely, Asta as security to peep over the punters' shoulders.

As she returns his wink he positively beams at her, a shoulder rising at the news that Kai hadn't wanted to know about Flora's past rolls in the hay. "He definitely set himself up for a rude awakening there," he says, hissing in a breath that he punctuates with a drink. "Still, I didn't say anything about you and Asta, so--"

Cut off as Flora almost drops her drink, Danta sits up a bit as if, by some miracle, he'd have been able to get off the counter and help catch it in that time. He breathes a sigh of relief when she doesn't spill pink ice all over herself and her white bikini, watching Spice vacate the room and wondering vaguely if he ought to follow suit. "Murder might be a bit far, but I'd certainly not say no to a light maiming," he agrees.

Setting down his own drink as she moves closer, the Maverick welcomes her into his arms without hesitation, heat positively rolling off his skin as he hugs her in return. "It's alright," he says softly, even though it truly hadn't been. "I talked to Asta about it and I feel a lot better. Though I don't know if he's Kai's favourite person right now." He winces, the warning feeling necessary. As for them being the best couple, Danta doesn't even have it in him to pretend to disagree - not because it's true in general, but because it's naturally true for him.

"And besides, they're not that bad, are they?" he adds, holding out a hand to show off his nails, fingers bedecked in his usual array of rings and not even caked in blood right now.

Dantalion

I'll break it to you easy, this is hell

i can't help it if i want to kiss you in the rain, so

Flora huffs out a laugh that catches halfway in her chest. "Oh gods," she says, inhaling stiffly as his words catch up with her, eyes flicking up to his face as she parses it properly. "Wait. You didn’t say anything about me and Asta? Or you, me and Asta?" One brow lifts, crooked and incredulous, the question not quite accusatory so much as checking the shape of the ground she's going to be standing on with Kai.

She hums softly as she leans into him again, cheek brushing warm skin, the sound affectionate and a little tired as he mentions Kai not being Asta’s favourite person at the moment. "Yeah," she murmurs, understanding settling easily into her shoulders. "I get that. If someone came after my—" The agreement comes without hesitation, and she almost keeps going—almost says that if someone came after her husband—only to catch herself at the edge of it, breath stalling before she adjusts the thought on the fly. "If anyone came after Kai like that," she finishes instead, quieter but no less certain, "I’d absolutely come for them, so tell Asta I appreciate him leaving Kai in one piece."

When she peels back to look at Danta's hand, her gaze drops to his nails and she does the first thing that comes to mind, which is lie. "Oh. No, of course not," she says smoothly, and then lowers her voice, lips tipping closer as if this is a secret rather than a deflection. "Kai kind of has a hand fetish," she adds, wincing in sympathy on Danta’s behalf. She lifts her own fingers, waggling them lightly, the truth ring warm and insistent against her skin as it protests the nonsense. "That’s why my nails always look so good. He’s been paying for my manicures since we started dating. He actually enjoys painting them, too." Which was actually true. A small shrug follows, casual, as if this is simply one more strange, inevitable fact of the universe.

you're never gonna get it, I'm a hazard to myself

"I didn't bring up Asta at all. Your beau was the first one to pull his name into the conversation," Danta assures her with a sweet grin that several cocktails turns crooked by his nature alone. "But, you know, if you really want to make Kai's jaw drop, keep that one in your back pocket for the next time you need to win an argument." Or cause several new arguments; whatever Flora's in the mood for at the time.

Clasping her a little closer as if he might be able to leech away her weariness with little more than the alcohol burning in his blood, when Danta finally sits back enough to look at Flora, his frown suggests he might be considering asking about her little false start. Her what indeed. But she distracts him with mention of the butcher, and he lets out a soft laugh. "I wouldn't thank him yet - Kai is out of town so he hasn't seen him to leave him in one piece."

Time may tell on that front.

But good gods, then there are hand fetishes and perfect manicures and nail polish (oh my!) and Danta's mouth falls open in equal parts shock and delight. "I knew he had a kink," he announces to the room at large. "I fucking knew it. Say no more, I will let him confess it to me in his own time." But gods help Kai when Danta next sees him, because the shenanigans might be worse than any fight they'd gotten into.

"And I knew he must have been attracted to me at least a little, to want my hands." So saying, said hands go running down his bare chest as if he's preening to an invisible audience. "That must have been why he protested so much about me saying he was also fuckable. Which he is by the way - good choice."

Dantalion

I'll break it to you easy, this is hell

i can't help it if i want to kiss you in the rain, so

Flora titters, the sound bright and a little wicked, and bounces her brows at him with theatrical confidence as she tosses her hair. "Please, she says lightly, "I never need to win a fight. Not when i'm always right." The grin that follows is pure mischief, and when she looks up at him again it softens into something warmer as she chuckles. "Well, Asta can check and see if he's been punished enough when I get done with him."

Flora breathes out an inward sigh of relief as Danta accepts the lie without pushing, already filing away a mental note to warn Kai exactly how much of this mess is on him, then laughs again when the Maverick preens, the affection easy as she steps out from between his knees to rescue her glass and downs the rest of the drink in one dizzy, watermelon-heavy gulp. She barely has time to swallow before his last comment lands, drawing a sharp inhale that turns into laughter instead of a choke, and she bites at her lower lip to rein in her smile as she flutters her lashes at him. "Gods," she says, gushing without shame, "you don’t know the half of it. He’s very good." And no, dear readers, the ring on her finger doesn't heat up even a little.

you're never gonna get it, I'm a hazard to myself

"Spoken like a true queen in her own castle," Danta says with a wink, and as Flora steps back he reaches for his own glass and tips it back to empty it as well. "And I'll inform him of as much. I have no doubt he'll want to see what your punishment looks like as well." Grinning and slipping down off the counter, he collects Flora's empty glass and moves back to his little cocktail making station. "Can I tempt you with another? I did say I would bring one out to Asta in the hot tub - you're welcome to join us if you like. While the cat's away and all that."

AKA, whilst there are no Kaisels around to get jealous that she and her delicious, bodacious, perfect hands are getting all pruny in the hot tub with them.

"Ugh, but I wish I knew the half of it. Or more. All of it, ideally," he drawls as he glances around for Spice only to realise the dragon has flown the proverbial coop. Half melted, leftover crushed ice it is. "Maybe you can get him to loosen up and start talking about sex like a grown up, since he's apparently so very, very good." He bounces his eyebrows at her.

Dantalion

I'll break it to you easy, this is hell

i can't help it if i want to kiss you in the rain, so

Flora chuckles at that. "I’m sure Asta will have tips," she says easily, the corner of her mouth lifting. "Hopefully I can do him proud." There’s a lightness to it, confidence wrapped in humour, the sort that doesn’t need defending despite her desperate need to please.

A hum slips from her as Danta asks again, and she nods, already on board. "Tempt away," she says, shifting her weight as she adjusts her bikini top with an absent little tug before settling back against the counter to wait, all patience and expectation. The promise of another drink has her smiling before it even arrives.

She giggles at Danta's lamenting, shoulders lifting as she shrugs with theatrical emphasis, as though the answer should be obvious. "He was raised in Stormbreak," Flora says, widening her eyes just enough to sell it, like that alone explains everything about old-fashioned ideals and carefully guarded opinions. The look she gives Danta after is all playful challenge, brows bouncing as she leans into the tease. "He might be very good at sex," she adds, sing-song and unapologetic, "but he’s not in the business of sex like some people." The emphasis is deliberate, grin turning sharp and mischievous. She could also point out that Kai was nearly half Danta and Asta's ages, but she wasn't sure that was necessarily the route she wanted to go down.