when grief strikes

'Cause they took your loved ones
But returned them in exchange for you

Zavien's sentiments hit closer to home than Liam had expected, and he reached to run his hand through his hair, rubbing the back of his neck. "Yeah, I get that," he said softly. "I can't tell you how many times I wished I could tell my wife or my girls that I loved them one more time." And now he might have the chance, at least with Wren - if he could figure out how to do it in a way that wouldn't just scare her off.

But right now was about Zavien, especially as he admitted that he wanted permission to move on. "It's not selfish," Liam said. "Or, well, if it is... it's only human." He sighed. "But... I don't know. I don't think it's as much about Lena giving you permission to move on as it is about giving yourself permission to move on. Right now, you feel guilty, right? Like you're being unfaithful to her memory by pursuing something new with Soh. Now, I don't know Lena, but, I don't know... if the roles were reversed, and Lena were to want to move on - not to forget you, not to stop loving you, but just... to be happy again. Would you want her to be able to do that?"

But would you have it any other way?
You couldn't have it any other way

Liam

Zavien

It is the small everyday deeds of ordinary folk

that keep the darkness at bay.

Zavien nodded his head. His mom had passed too long ago for him to think she needed reassurance of his love, but his time with Lena had been cut short. Between worldly struggles and insecurities, he'd only been able to tell her how he truly felt a handful of times. It felt like he'd been robbed of the opportunity to convince her. Now, he just had to hope that she knew how he felt. 

Some of Liam's words sounded familiar, like things Soh or Koa had said, that he would be the one who needed to let go. He pursed his lips but nodded along to confirm that he did feel guilty and unfaithful, sighing when the scenario was reversed. "Of course. I wouldn't want her to stop living, and to go the rest of her life without loving anyone else..." He trailed off. It had been easy to see where Liam was going with the question but saying his answer aloud... it was hard to deny that Lena would have wanted the same for him. 

An ache started in his chest, knowing the truth but having difficulty releasing the guilt. He peeled back the first finger of his grasp, looking to Liam as he said, "You're right. It's just... hard."

'Cause they took your loved ones
But returned them in exchange for you

"Yeah," Liam said. "It is." There was nothing he could do or say to change the fact that surviving a lover was one of the most challenging things one could live through. The guilt could eat away at you until there was nothing left but a husk - and even if Zavien couldn't see it right now, the fact that he hadn't wasted away to nothing was a blessing. Liam wouldn't have wished that kind of lingering devastation on even his worst enemy, much less a friend.

There was a brief silence. Then Liam sighed. "I know it's probably not my place, but... living life to the fullest is the best thing you can do for someone you've lost. To me, not doing that... that's more dishonorable to their memory than holding on so tightly that you never let go." And given that he had done both, he felt uniquely qualified to attest to that fact.

"As for this thing with Soh... I've found it helps to be open about what you're experiencing. A good partner will understand when you have hard days. And if she doesn't?" His gaze hardened slightly, mouth flattening into a thin line. "Don't waste your time with her. If she can't understand this part of you, she's not worth it."

But would you have it any other way?
You couldn't have it any other way

Liam

Zavien

It is the small everyday deeds of ordinary folk

that keep the darkness at bay.

Stormbreak had been the only thing stopping him from spiraling into despair, otherwise, he might have dug himself deeper into these thoughts sooner, perseverating on Lena's loss. Instead, they'd crept up on him at the most inconvenient of times, and now he was having to process them at Soh's expense. 

Words didn't rise in response to Liam's words. It felt like all he could do was nod, taking it all in with quiet acceptance. He owed it to Soh to try making this work, he owed it to Lena not to let her death be the only thing he remembered, and he owed it to himself to be happy. It wouldn't do anyone any good for him to cling to these negative emotions. 

The thought loosened his hold a little more, and Zavien sighed at the thought of Soh being anything but supportive. He glanced to where Sol looked out the window, his voice thoughtful. "I was struggling the other day, and she'd been more than understanding. She offered comfort and time and space, but not to the point that it felt like distance. There wasn't any pressure or judgement." His eyes turned to Liam as he smiled, soft and still somewhat disbelieving. "I don't know how I got so lucky."

Zavien paused, taking a deep breath that was lighter than before, flowing easily through the space in his chest. "Thank you," he said, sincerity lacing his tone, "For talking this out with me. I hope it didn't drag up any unwelcome memories." He knew it probably wouldn't be an easy conversation, but he couldn't stand the thought of causing Liam discomfort for his own sake.

'Cause they took your loved ones
But returned them in exchange for you

Relief for his friend trickled in as Zavien described Soh's reaction to his struggles, and Liam's gaze softened once more. "That's how I feel about Maea," he admitted. Every day, he thanked his lucky stars for his partner, who had been so supportive and understanding of even the worst parts of him.

Waving off Zavien's thanks, Liam offered a small smile. "I hope it helped," he said. "It gets easier with time. Most days, I can look back on the time I spent with my family and smile. You caught me on a good day." Then his smile faded, realizing that it was only a half-truth, these days. Now that he knew Wren was alive, everything was different, and he still wasn't quite sure what to do with all of those feelings. Maybe they, too, would get better with time - and action, which he was determined to pursue.

At some point during their conversation, their food had been delivered; now it sat in front of them, growing colder by the second. Liam picked up a lukewarm fry. "I... never apologized for leaving so abruptly from Tanau's festival," he said slowly. "I'm sure it seemed... strange."

But would you have it any other way?
You couldn't have it any other way

Liam

Zavien

It is the small everyday deeds of ordinary folk

that keep the darkness at bay.

He returned the gentle smile, letting the stress continue to fade. "I'm glad to hear that. It really helped." There was still plenty more work to be done, but Liam had put him on the right path. Everything that had felt so overwhelming and insurmountable had been compressed into something understandable and manageable, a battle that could be won over time. 

Zavien glanced at their food, his hunger still a distant sensation amidst the turmoil of his thoughts; he took a fry and offered it to Sol as Liam spoke. The apology was met with narrowed eyes and an insistent shake of his head, remembering how startled the man had been. "I was more confused than anything." There appeared to be some underlying story that he didn't know, particularly with the unsettled reaction and mismatched name. It was possible Liam didn't want to talk about it, but Zavien's concern broke through, opening the door if he did want to discuss what had happened. His voice was soft and lacking pressure when he asked, "Are you okay? You seemed really troubled by Jesse."

'Cause they took your loved ones
But returned them in exchange for you

The memory of the festival played back behind Liam's eyes, and he shook his head to clear his thoughts. He could recall with perfect clarity what it had felt like to see Wren, to recognize her, just as he could remember how it had felt when she didn't recognize him in turn. It still stung, even if it made perfect sense - just like the name 'Jesse' felt like a slap in the face, even though he understood that she had clearly lost her memory, and had to be called something. Unless, of course, she'd grown up to be an excellent actress, and simply hated him so much that she was doing it on purpose (which didn't fit with the girl he'd known in her youth).

Pressing his lips into a thin line, Liam gave the fry he'd picked up to Prim. "I... think she's my daughter," he admitted quietly. "When I saw her at the festival - she looks just like my wife, except -" Except for her eyes. They'd been his eyes, like looking in a mirror. Liam shook his head again. "She's older now - I'm guessing she aged up - but I was sure it was her. Wren. It was like seeing a ghost." A ghost who he'd wanted nothing more than to cherish and protect with every fiber of his being. "But then she didn't know me, and I couldn't - I didn't know what to do.

"I went to see Remi," he continued. "To see if... if she was in Mort's halls after all, and I was just - I don't know. If it was wishful thinking, I guess. But he was able to confirm that Wren's alive, and I'm almost positive that she's Jesse."

But would you have it any other way?
You couldn't have it any other way

Liam

Zavien

It is the small everyday deeds of ordinary folk

that keep the darkness at bay.

Zavien blinked. His daughter? He'd thought Liam's family was dead, but if he recognized her... The usual excuses rose: maybe he'd been mistaken, maybe she just looked similar, maybe his grief had made him want it to be her. But the possibilities became less likely the more Liam spoke, obviously having taken steps to affirm his suspicions. 

If Wren was alive, it seemed more than likely that he wasn't wrong about Jesse, and if she didn't remember anything... Zavien shook his head. "Wow. I can't imagine what that must feel like." The green of his eyes turned nearly emerald with the weight of his concern, wishing he could somehow help. "What are you going to do? Will you reach out?"

'Cause they took your loved ones
But returned them in exchange for you

Oh, how he’d tried to find a reason he was wrong - not because he wished that Wren had stayed dead, but because he was terrified of getting his hopes up. But the more investigating he did, the more he turned her face over in his mind’s eye, the more sure he became. Jesse was Wren. Wren was Jesse. And if that was true, he wanted - no, needed to find her, to fix what he’d failed to protect her from.

”It’s been a rough few weeks,” Liam admitted, rubbing the back of his neck. ”At first, I wasn’t sure if I should reach out. If she doesn’t remember me, who am I to come in and upend her life? But then… I realized that I can’t take that choice away from her. Even if it’s hard, she deserves a chance to know the truth.”

But would you have it any other way?
You couldn't have it any other way

Liam

Zavien

It is the small everyday deeds of ordinary folk

that keep the darkness at bay.

"That's true." His head lowered in a slow nod, unable to imagine how difficult the choice must be. Still, he offered a sympathetic smile, presenting another fry for Sol to inhale as he watched. "It might scare her at first, but I think deep down everyone wants to know who they are, and even if she decides she doesn't, like you said, she deserves the choice." There was still the matter of how she'd get her memories back, but that seemed irrelevant if she didn't want to remember her past. 

Zavien rolled the next fry in his fingers, still not sure he was hungry enough to eat with all the emotions twisting his gut. He thought about 'Jesse' and when they'd met in Stormbreak, how terrified she'd been and how alone she'd felt. She'd had nowhere to go and no one to cling to in the aftermath. He wished he'd had more time to support her amidst the chaos. Maybe he would have found out more to comfort Liam, but all he could give the man was another soft, reassuring smile as he said, "She seems like a sweet girl."

'Cause they took your loved ones
But returned them in exchange for you

That was the hard part, wasn't it, overcoming the fear to get to the truth? To show her that while he might have failed to protect her, might have failed to find her in the aftermath, he wasn't going to keep failing her. If she'd let him, he'd help her restore her memories, help her build a life - and hope that she'd let him be a part of it. That hope was what drove him now, fear that it wouldn't come to pass what kept him up at night. He knew it was too much, knew that he was too much, but to find and help his daughter, he would be all that and more.

Swallowing hard and offering a small smile at Zavien's reassurance, Liam said, "She was a spitfire as a child. Completely fearless." His smile faded to think of her now, so nervous and timid. He had done that, letting her grow up without him to keep her safe. Shaking his head, he dismissed the self-loathing that threatened to choke him. It had no place in his plan of action. He couldn't change the past, but maybe he could rewrite the future. "At the festival, it seemed like she felt you were... safe," he ventured. "Do you have any idea where she might have gone?"

But would you have it any other way?
You couldn't have it any other way

Liam

Zavien

It is the small everyday deeds of ordinary folk

that keep the darkness at bay.

He smiled softly as he tried to imagine a vivacious, confident young girl who looked like Wren, one who giggled and squealed as she played with her sibling or ran from her parents when they threatened a bath. It wasn't hard to picture, but when compared to the woman he'd met, a sense of sadness washed over him. 

Liam seemed similarly pained by the comparison, probably remembering how she'd flinched from him at the Festival, attempting to hide behind Zavien as if her own father was a danger to her. Zavien grimaced to think how that must feel for the man, hoping he understood that it wasn't his intention to replace Liam as Wren's support. "I helped calm her down after the announcement in Stormbreak. She... didn't handle the news well, but I don't think anyone did." He didn't mention how she'd spoken of having no one to rely on and nowhere to go, how alone she'd felt through it all. It wouldn't help with Liam's guilt, and it wouldn't change how she'd coped through the loss. 

Passing Sol another fry, Zavien considered when he'd last spotted the young woman. "I've seen her here around King's End, but I'm not sure where she's staying."

'Cause they took your loved ones
But returned them in exchange for you

Liam didn't think of Zavien's limited role in Wren's life as an attempt to replace him; if anything, he was relieved to know that she'd had someone trustworthy to turn to in his absence. He was quick to say as much. "I'm glad you were there for her." For all of Stormbreak, Liam realized. He wondered if Zavien had ever had the chance to process everything that had happened, if anyone had been there for him while he was so busy taking care of others. But then Zavien was offering up information on Wren, and Liam let the thought go, making a mental note to be sure to check in on his friend more often in future - especially given his feelings about this new relationship he was embarking on.

To learn that Wren could be here in King's End made him antsy; he wanted to leap from his chair to scour the region, to find her as quickly as possible. But that kind of impulsive behavior was more likely to scare her off than lure her in; she'd been afraid at the festival, and he would do anything to avoid causing her any more fear. So he nodded slowly, shifting in his seat as though still itching to move. "Thank you," he said. "I... think I'm going to have to be careful with her, if her reaction at the festival was anything to go by. I don't want her to feel unsafe. I'll have to think about how and when to reach out."

But would you have it any other way?
You couldn't have it any other way

Liam

Zavien

It is the small everyday deeds of ordinary folk

that keep the darkness at bay.

Not recognizing any signs of latent discomfort with his role regarding Wren, Zavien accepted the appreciation with a soft smile and nod of his head. There would be plenty of time for Liam to change that, to show his daughter that he was safe again, to prove that their separation had been nothing short of a tragic series of unfortunate events. Zavien held hope that he could do it. 

As for how to approach her... that was something he couldn't begin to guess at. She'd been skittish at the festival, vehemently denying the mistaken identity to the point of wanting to hide. He didn't think ambushing her wherever she lived now was the answer. It would probably only frighten her more. 

Pursing his lips, Zavien finally took a bite of his own fries, ignoring how cold they were. "A letter would probably be a good start." Shrugging, he added, "You guys could set up a neutral location whenever she's ready. She could even bring someone else if it helped her feel more comfortable." If she truly felt he was a safe person, he was happy to be there for support, knowing he could help ease whatever stress the meeting might bring.