when i see the devil's eyes

you should know, that i'm a ticking time bomb

and you're getting close

Content to let the comments about whether or not he finds everyone attractive fade in favor for the mention of altitude sickness, the Heartless lets another soft laugh leave him as he rolls his eyes playfully as he hears the blown raspberry paint the air. “Uh huh. Sure.” he doubts it, but he’ll let Niki believe the lie if that’s easier. As for the fancy shoes and his attempt to bend over to look at them, Sunjata straightens without much luck, looking back up at Niki with the fading smirk. “Yeah, yeah. Though I think the bat or the panther would suit you pretty well.” He comments idly, squinting up at Niki even as he brings up therapy again.

What he doesn’t expect, though, is for Niki to see him so strongly – that he might make people sad because he isn’t taking care of himself. And at the end of the day, for a man that has consistently given so much of himself away to everyone else, he doesn’t know where to start. He doesn’t know which parts of him are real anymore compared to the versions of himself he’d manufactured. He’d spent so long hidden behind his masks that they’d become a part of him.

He doesn’t answer right away, instead he stares at Niki in the silence that seems to fill like a balloon before he swallows hard and huffs a little sound. “Isn’t that like, selfish though?” The question leaves him as he shifts to lean forward, his shoulder slumping against the side of Niki’s bed. “It feels wrong to be working on myself or choosing myself over everyone else that needs or wants something from me.” It sounds stupid as it leaves him and his cheeks puff up with the exhaled sigh. “It feels like I’m my dad when I do that.” His brows pinch and he stares at a fleck in the wooden floorboard, the dread of being compared to him heavy in his chest.

so better watch your step, because i'm about to blow

and where the pieces land i guess we'll never know

SuNJATA

stay your pretty eyes on course

"Ooh, a bat. Now you are talking," Niki says, watching as Sunjata straightens up a bit before finally letting his elbow buckle so he can flop back against his bed, frowning at the way the world keeps trying to spin now and pinning his focus on a spot on the ceiling to make it settle. It means he feels it more than he sees it as the other man shifts a little to slump his shoulder against the mattress, Niki's hands lifting to rub at his face like that will help to sober him up.

"Being selfish is not always a bad thing," he points out, speaking through his fingers. "How can you help other people if you are falling apart at the seams? You would not be giving them your best, and that seems just as bad." For a man who is a perfectionist despite being so obviously imperfect, anything less than his best is unacceptable for Niki. As for Sunjata's father, he can only shrug.

"But you are not," he says, cool logic making its way through the slurred words as he lets his hands drop. "Even if the action is the same, the motivation is different. That is like saying you feel like your father when you put on a belt, because he used to use a belt to whip people. It makes no sense."

Niki

I guess I never really faced my fears before

you should know, that i'm a ticking time bomb

and you're getting close

“I thought you’d like that one.” He murmurs as they both start to kind of relax, Niki falls back onto the bed and Sunjata slumps against the side of it, staring at the fleck in the floorboard like it might be enough to distract him while Niki, yes you become the therapist. “Sounds like there’s no way to win then, huh?” Because he doubts he’d ever not be falling apart at the seams, so everyone would get the little shitty bits he had to offer.

Maybe that’s better in the long run. Maybe it’s worse.

There is relief when Niki says he isn’t his father – not that it should feel like much given the man didn’t know Shaju and it becomes extremely evident as the mention of the belt has him wincing, drawing a leg up he wraps his arms around instead. “I wear a different kind of belt.” He admits, like that’s the difference. Like Niki wasn’t capable of reading between the lines to realize that his father very much did that – and not just anyone.

He gnaws on the inside of his cheek instead of continuing that particular rabbit hole, though. "Sorry, I shouldn't be talking about this with you. I should probably find a therapist." He angles to try and lighten the mood again.

so better watch your step, because i'm about to blow

and where the pieces land i guess we'll never know

SuNJATA

stay your pretty eyes on course

"Such defeatism from a demigod," Niki says mildly, the words framed by a little smile. "Do you really think it is that impossible to take good care of yourself?" He's not one to speak - too little sleep, too much hyperfixation on the latest project, not enough fresh air or good food - but even the necromancer wouldn't say it's an impossible task for him to do better.

Being horizontal as he is, Niki doesn't see the wince, but he recognises something quiet and sad in Sunjata's tone that has one of his hands dropping down towards the end of the bed where the other man is sitting. It might brush his shoulder or tousle his hair or poke him in the eye for all Niki knows, but the intent is reassurance. "I mean, you are the one who carried me up here and chose to close the door and stay," he points out. "Maybe you wanted to talk about it with me."

Niki

I guess I never really faced my fears before

you should know, that i'm a ticking time bomb

and you're getting close

“Mm, well, I’m immortal. It’s not like not taking care of myself will kill me.” He shrugs casually, too casually as the words leave him. Which really only bolster the fact that he delves down another pang that feels like he shouldn’t be openly talking about this, while on the other hand makes it feel like it’s far more important that Niki understands the whys. Especially when it comes to why it’s so hard for him to put himself first.

Niki’s hand doesn’t stab him in the eye at least, and it does fall onto the crown of his head – hair soft beneath Niki’s fingertips with waves touched by salt and sun. “Sure. I subconsciously wanted to ruin the vibe.” He mutters with a huff of a laugh, humorless as he lingers there where Niki’s hand has blindly fallen. “Well, since I've already started down this hole, you got any questions or do you want me to start from the top, therapist?” He keeps his arms around his leg, listening quietly for the necromancer's voice.

so better watch your step, because i'm about to blow

and where the pieces land i guess we'll never know

SuNJATA

stay your pretty eyes on course

"Maybe not physically, no. Believe me, there is a lot more to being alive than having a functioning body." Niki might be able to reanimate the dead - might even end up very good at it, gods be willing - but everything he brings back is missing that spark of true life that most people would probably call a soul. His fingers find the soft curl of Sunjata's hair, and in his inebriation he smooths his hand through it for a second before letting it still, closing his eyes now that the world has stopped its carousel.

Scoffing at the idea of ruining the vibe, Niki can only shrug his shoulders. "I was not exactly the heart of the party to begin with," he points out. But then the Heartless is calling him his therapist, and the necromancer lets out a boyish laugh. "I will send your invoice to the House of Midnight for my time," he says dryly. "I do have a question, though. If you did take better care of yourself, what would that look like? What is the first thing you would do?"

Niki

I guess I never really faced my fears before

you should know, that i'm a ticking time bomb

and you're getting close

“Yeah.. That’s fair.” Sunjata murmurs, nose wrinkling a little as he tilts his head as he feels the curl Niki snags and smooths out, his head resting against the edge of the bed. It’s a companionable kind of silence for a few moments before he’s mentioning ruining the vibe and Niki’s answer and subsequent shrug of his shoulders has the bed moving slightly beneath his head.

Honestly, he isn’t the heart of the party either, not that he cares much to be it. Instead, he latches onto the boyish laugh that leaves the abandoned, finding a small smile on his face to hear it despite the drama that had been invoked in carrying Niki up here from the space under the monsteras. “Good.” For the invoice, that is. It’s the next question that has him humming a little as he tries to think about it – and really fucking tries even if his initial gut reaction is I don’t know.

“Sleep.” He admits with a huff of a laugh. “I’d actually get some real sleep, I think.” Maybe he’s misunderstanding the question – unsure where the necromancer means if he got himself healthy and fine what he’d do first, or what the first step of trying to get there would be.

so better watch your step, because i'm about to blow

and where the pieces land i guess we'll never know

SuNJATA

stay your pretty eyes on course

Luckily for Sunjata, he's understood Niki's meaning perfectly - no good wondering what perfect day he might have if he hasn't yet figured out how to get there, right? "You cannot sleep?" he echoes softly, frowning to himself even with his eyes closed. "I can relate a little, I think. Mostly I am guilty of... burning the candle at both ends? I think that is the expression. But I also sleepwalk, which can make for some interesting mornings."

Whether it's a pair of shoes in the fridge or his books perfectly alphabetised except backwards, Niki never knows what he might wake up to find he's done on his sleepy adventures. "I sense it is not quite the same for you, though." Blinking his eyes open, he tries to peer down at Sunjata as if just realising how they've both ended up slumped against or on the bed. "There is a chair, if you would prefer," he remarks.

Niki

I guess I never really faced my fears before

you should know, that i'm a ticking time bomb

and you're getting close

“Not when I’m alone.” He murmurs, before he’s listening to the tidbits of information that Niki offers back. The note of burning the candle at both ends is understood, something Sunjata was trying to do desperately right now. But the sleepwalking was not something he’d ever done, nor anything he’d realized – though it hits against something he thinks Niki might have mentioned that day he’d crashed on his couch.

Nodding even if Niki’s looking at him, Sunjata stifles the yawn he has as he shifts, uncoiling himself to stand. “I get nightmares when I sleep alone.” He explains, glancing over to the chair and feeling as though it’s a lot more work than necessary to drag over just to sleep and wake up with a kink in his neck that would have him batman turning for at least half the day. He sits instead beside Niki, his back to Niki. “But I sleep in my shifts occasionally when I’m really exhausted.”

so better watch your step, because i'm about to blow

and where the pieces land i guess we'll never know

SuNJATA

stay your pretty eyes on course

"...Oh, I see," Niki mumbles, as if he'd only just considered that such a thing might be possible. It shouldn't be surprising - it isn't as though they haven't spent a large part of this conversation establishing that demigods are people too - and yet the idea of nightmares being Sunjata's undoing when it comes to peace and rest is... It's relatable, honestly. In a way he doesn't expect.

"I am sorry to hear that. As your temporary therapist, if you would like to talk about them I am all ears," he says with a wave of his hand, able to blink up at the Heartless properly as he rises to his feet. He opts not to go for the chair, though, and Niki is finally too drunk and wrung out to even blush as he sinks down onto the bed beside him.

"You are welcome to sleep here if you need it, in your shifts or out of them," he says, belatedly it feels given that the other man has already sat down. "Though if that is the case I ought to move." Rather than continuing to sprawl horizontally across his bed.

Niki

I guess I never really faced my fears before

hey young blood, doesn't it feel like our time is running out?
I'm gonna change you like a remix, then i'll raise you like a phoenix

“Eh, they’re mostly just memories.” He shrugs far too casually as if pretending that they don’t bother him when it’s very clear that they do. They bother him enough to ruin his sleep night after night. But he sinks onto the comfortable bed, large enough to withstand one of his shifts he thinks should Niki allow it, though he isn’t entirely sure how to ask him.

Luckily, though, Niki answers that for him. “If you don’t mind.” He says quietly, leaning over and looking back at the necromancer. He stands shortly after, letting Niki take the time to situate himself on the bed far more comfortably than he was, snagging a glass on the nightstand, filling it with water and leaving it there before he shifts into his canine shift and hops up at the foot of the bed – large ears and blue eyes focusing on the necromancer to make sure this was still okay.

wearing our vintage misery, no, i think it looked a little better on me

SUNJATA

stay your pretty eyes on course

"Memories can be more damaging sometimes," Niki murmurs, watching Sunjata rise back to his feet so he might (sloppily) fumble to sit up as well, shuffling to lay down properly in bed after kicking off his shoes. "You cannot change memories, after all. They are just always there, waiting, the same." Hiding a yawn behind his hand as his head hits the pillow, he refocuses on Sunjata just in time to see him become a large, black dog.

"That is not a bat," he quips, grinning to himself but gesturing to the space around him as if to tell the Heartless to curl up where he pleases. "I am more of a cat person, in truth, but I will allow it." And if he'd been sober, perhaps he'd have looked at Sunjata in his shift, all dark fur and bright eyes, and drawn a connection between him and the cat that had made itself curiously at home with him in the Greatwood.

He doesn't, though, and the thought will likely have vanished by the morning besides.

Niki

I guess I never really faced my fears before

nobody really cared, so it never really mattered. it never really mattered, so it never really happened
what's the point in fightin' for a happy ever after? the past keep's hauntin' the future i imagine

“Yeah, that’s true.” That’s probably the last thing the Heartless manages to say. Because shortly after, he’s becoming a canine, hopping up with relative ease to nestle in on the foot of the bed. Ears perked toward Niki with a huff from his nose at the quip that it isn’t a bat. It’s not, that’s for sure, but even still Sunjata waits to hear that he’s more of a cat person, deciding shortly after to attempt to make it more allowable.

So, Niki would feel the way the bed starts to creak, the way he takes up way more space down here until he has to stretch over to Niki’s side, and should the necromancer look over at him he’ll be met with a black panther sprawled out, blinking idly to see if this is better or worse for the other man. At least he’s warm, even if he's like a clawed body pillow.

SUNJATA

stay your pretty eyes on course

Niki has already started to settle now that Sunjata isn't capable of speaking to him as easily, and the darkness, the silence and his own inebriation is sure to carry him off into slumber before too long. He doesn't quite get that far, though, when the bed starts to creak and he's shifting enough to frown over at the Heartless as if wondering what he's doing. His breath catches in his throat at the sudden large, predatory cat in his bed, Niki huffing out a laugh before he can help himself.

"I will shut my mouth next time," he decides, though there's nothing annoyed in his expression or his tone. In fact he can't help but reach out to let a hand glide across the plush, dark fur, the rosettes of the panther's coat barely visible in the moonlight. "Well, as long as you are comfortable, I am not complaining."

Niki

I guess I never really faced my fears before