a rollercoaster kind of rush

Zavien

Content to figure out the details of a new quest later, Zavien nodded as he took another bite of his steak. "Absolutely." Grinning, he added playfully, "Until then, you'll have to put up with my horrible writing." Along with any delays in his responses due to reading, but he wouldn't mention that bit, it would be hard enough for her to puzzle out whatever it was he was trying to say. 

He did have to wonder how much time they would be spending apart now. Zavien certainly wasn't eager to let her out of his sights, but he also wouldn't go so far as to forcing her into staying near him. Being pregnant didn't mean she couldn't continue to live her life, even if he might worry about her more while separated. 

It wasn't hard to notice as Soh eyeballed the cake. Her eating slowing as she grew distracted, bites turning smaller and less enthusiastic in comparison to how she ate the dessert with her eyes. Zavien hid his smile behind his hand as he took another mouthful of buttery pasta, watching the debate going on behind her eyes until she finally spoke it aloud. 

Not wanting her to feel self-conscious about her craving, Zavien pushed aside his own plate and reached for the cake to slide it between them. "We should have started with dessert. This is a celebration after all." He gave her a bright smile and a wink, indicating with his fork that the first bite was hers.

I love you with everything I am,
everything I've been,
and everything I hope to be.

Your past and mine are parallel lines

If Soh had her way, they'd be spending very little time apart for the foreseeable future, but she also knew that they couldn't necessarily be together around the clock. Or, well, they could, but wasn't it healthy for a couple to have interests outside of one another? In any case, she still needed to at least go back to Torchline long enough to pack her few belongings for her upcoming move - although the exact location to which she'd be moving was still up for debate. Something else for them to discuss soon, though she wasn't keen to make any major decisions in the wake of such a large revelation today.

Aside from that, though, she had nothing in particular to take her away from Zavien for any length of time. Her cartography, her travels - it all paled in comparison to taking care of the little life growing in her womb. She didn't know much about pregnancy, but she did know that it changed everything. She didn't want to be far from medical assistance, in any case, just in case something were to go wrong. Besides, she had a life to establish here now, and focusing on that could certainly give her enough to do in the coming seasons as they prepared for their new family member.

Her inner debate about the cake didn't last for long, and Zavien solved the conundrum for her by pushing his own plate aside and bringing the dessert closer. Smiling gratefully, Soh dove in with her fork, popping a delectable bite into her mouth and sighing happily. "I might have to live off cake for the next few weeks," she said. "At least until the morning sickness passes." She wouldn't, of course, but it was a nice thought, regardless. "They said at the clinic it should only last through the beginning of Deepfrost, maybe a little longer, if I'm really unlucky."

Stars all aligned and they intertwined

Zavien

Zavien laughed as Soh took a bite of cake. He'd heard this place's dessert was the best, but he hadn't tried it for himself, wanting to be with Soh when he experienced it for the first time. There was something better - sweeter - about trying something new with the person he loved, like every morsel and every second was purely theirs in a way that no one could understand. It wasn't like the cake would be any better or worse for anyone else, but there would always be something special about it for them, and as he followed her lead, the harmony of peanut butter and chocolate on his tongue felt like the richest flavor he'd ever had. 

He smiled at her, already reaching for another piece as he gave her a wink. "As long as you don't get sick of cake." It went without saying that he'd find and retrieve whatever food happened to appeal to her, whether that was the most basic of grilled cheese or the rare, complex meal of some famous hermit, Zavien would hunt it down and bring it to her; but it would be extremely unfortunate if her fixation turned to disgust. 

Humming around a bite of frosting and shaved chocolate, he asked, "Did they mention any other symptoms?" Despite his familiarity with kids, he hadn't been privy to the inner circle of women when they discussed their pregnancies, leaving him somewhat naive on what to anticipate or how best to help Soh through this process beyond the general knowledge most men possessed.

I love you with everything I am,
everything I've been,
and everything I hope to be.

Your past and mine are parallel lines

Soh would worry about what she was going to eat later when later came around. For now, she would enjoy her cake, devoid of any anxiety about what the future might hold. Pregnancy, thankfully, was a temporary state of being, and she could endure anything for their unborn child, particularly if only until Flowerbirth. So she dug in, enjoying bite after luxurious bite of cake, but still being mindful not to eat too much lest she trigger her nausea.

As for other symptoms, Soh hummed, a wry smile lifting the corners of her lips. "There are so many symptoms," she groaned good-naturedly. "I've really only been having the exhaustion, the weird appetite, the nausea, and the headaches. But apparently there are mood swings, food cravings and aversions, cramping..." She waved a hand in the air. "The list goes on, and it changes throughout the pregnancy, or so I've been told." What would come next for her was still up in the air, though she hoped that at least the nausea would settle soon.

"But it's not all bad," she said, her smile warming. "And it'll be worth it, in the end." When they had a (hopefully) healthy child in their arms... the nurse at the clinic had insisted that all of the pain that brought them into the world would be forgotten in time. While Soh wasn't quite sure she believed that, it was a comforting notion, all the same.

Stars all aligned and they intertwined

Zavien

Hearing the long list of symptoms, he immediately regretted asking. He gave a nervous laugh, grinning at Soh as he joked, "I'm glad we have so much to look forward to." He supposed she had a lot to look forward to, but he was determined not to let her go through any of it alone, and considering how some of it might be worse for him than her (mood swings in particular), they could look forward to a couple months of blissful solidarity. 

But as she astutely stated, it would all be worth it in the end, and Zavien couldn't hide the smile when he thought of all the joy they had waiting for them. "It will," he angled his head to add, "but always let me know if there's something new or some way I can make it easier for you."

A knock sounded at the door, drawing Zavien's attention away from her. Sol perked up as well, finally leaving the window and the squirrels beyond as he made his way for the door. Zavien furrowed his brow. He hadn't been expecting anyone, especially since he'd planned to enjoy a pleasant dinner and evening with his girlfriend; but everyone knew where he lived around here, and he had always made it clear that he was available for people - any day, any time.

So he gave Soh an apologetic smile, setting aside his fork as he stood to see who it was. 

When he opened the door, a young boy greeted him, smiling as he gave a small bounce, not waiting for permission to speak as he said, "Hi, Mr. Risen Sun Sir! I have a letter for Ms. Sohalia and I was told she'd probably be here! Is she here?!" The boy beamed up at him hopefully, obviously aiming to succeed in the task he'd been given; so much so that it reminded Zavien of himself, an amused smile forming on his lips. "You've found her, young man." His voice was full of endearing authority, his back straight as a sign of respect for the effort and diligence.

"I'll take it from here." Zavien placed out his hand while Sol observed from his feet like a soldier at watch, his chest puffed proud. But the boy pulled the letter closer to his chest, a serious expression crossing his face. "With all new respect, Sir, I have to hand it to Ms. Sohalia directly. It's very important."

Equally impressed with the sense of noble responsibility the young boy possessed in his job, Zavien peeked around the door at Soh, raising his brow above the bemused quirk of his lips, inviting her to come accept her 'very important letter.'

I love you with everything I am,
everything I've been,
and everything I hope to be.

Your past and mine are parallel lines

They did have a lot to look forward to, and despite Zavien's joking, Soh simply smiled. Reaching out to place a hand on his, stroking her thumb along its back, she nodded. "If anything changes, you'll be the first to know," she assured him.

She might have said more, but a knock on the door interrupted. Soh raised her brows, a silent question that Zavien answered with an apologetic smile, setting aside his fork to go answer the door. Unbothered - she knew well that her boyfriend had quite a few people here who looked to him for various reasons - Soh took another bite of her cake, fully intending to wait patiently for him to return. But then she heard her name, and she glanced up with surprise. Who would be looking for her here? Flora would have just written on their shared parchment, and she wasn't expecting to hear from anyone else.

Curious, she was halfway to her feet already when she heard what sounded to be a young boy insisting that he give the letter to her directly. Smothering a smile, she made her way to the door. "I'm Sohalia," she said to the boy, offering a kind smile. Seemingly satisfied by her claim, the boy handed over what looked to be a normal letter, with handwriting that looked vaguely familiar but that Soh couldn't quite place. "Thank you very much," she said seriously, reaching in her pocket for a few coins for him.

Only when he was gone did Soh look down at the letter, stepping out of the way of the door so that Zavien could shut it. "What in Caido...?" she muttered, brow creasing as she opened the letter. Finally realizing who it was from, she stilled, her frown deepening as she read it twice.

"It's from Kaisel," she told Zavien, looking up at him. "He says he wants to make sure that he and I are good, and to make things up to me, he's inviting us on a double date with him and Flora." A bemused expression crossed her face. She and Kaisel were decidedly not good, as far as she was concerned, and she still wasn't sure she wanted to forgive him his hasty reaction to the news that she and Zavien were dating, and that was nothing in comparison to the way he'd treated Zavien previously.

Stars all aligned and they intertwined

Zavien

The boy took the coins in exchange for the letter, puffing his chest in a moment of pride that quickly deflated into excitement as he waved his hand and took off down the street, presumably to tell his friends all about his experience delivering a letter to the Luminary at the Risen Sun's house. 

Zavien smiled, shaking his head as he closed the door; but the expression fell as he waited for Soh to read over her letter, curiosity turning to concern. It was obvious she hadn't been expecting it, and as she turned uncharacteristically still, he got the sense it wasn't a good surprise. 

'It's from Kaisel' were not the words he would have guessed to hear out of her mouth. He blinked from the shock of it, quickly turning to more confusion as she alluded to a disagreement he didn't recall hearing about. Soh didn't have to tell him everything, but it seemed strange that he didn't know they'd had a fight, and he was quick to ask, "Why wouldn't you two be good?" 

As for the double date... Zavien decided it was probably best to first find out why Soh might be against it. Then he could tackle all the feelings he had about that particular suggestion.

I love you with everything I am,
everything I've been,
and everything I hope to be.

Your past and mine are parallel lines

Soh sighed, shaking her head. It wasn't that she'd intentionally kept her disagreement with Kaisel from Zavien, but she hadn't really found a good way to bring it up, and besides, explaining what had happened would only hurt her boyfriend, which she wasn't keen to do. But now there seemed to be no way around it. "We had a disagreement," she said, her mouth twisting into a thin line. "When he found out you and I were dating, he... didn't take the news well. I think he thought that Koa and I would get together, so when that didn't happen... and you being Koa's best friend and all..." She shrugged helplessly. "He just wasn't very supportive, and he said some things he shouldn't have, and I kind of... haven't talked to him since."

Folding the letter, she pressed her fingers against the crease, as though she might be able to compact it down into something small and insignificant if she tried hard enough. "He did apologize, but... I don't know. I thought we were friends, so I thought if I was happy... it really didn't occur to me that he'd feel any kind of way about you and I dating." A stupid mistake, in retrospect, but such was the nature of hindsight.

Stars all aligned and they intertwined

Zavien

He tracked the way Soh sighed, the reluctant manner with which she approached the subject. She chose her words carefully, the way he did when sparing people's feelings or trying to minimize his hurt for the sake of someone else. Their time together made it blatantly clear, and although he didn't like that it had taken a letter for her to tell him about this, it was clear that she hadn't meant it for any malicious reasons, not when she seemed more upset with the recollection than having to tell him - even if he wished she had.

Stepping forward, he braced his hands on her shoulders, grounding her here as he sighed. "I'm sorry. That probably had less to do with you and more to do with our disagreement, especially how it all affects Koa..." Kai was her best friend's fiancé after all, and they'd gotten along fine before she'd started dating him. Zavien didn't think himself important enough to influence relationships like this, but it also seemed naive to assume it didn't have to do with their earlier fight and Kai's apparent unwillingness to admit he'd pushed things too far. Just the thought of Soh going through the same treatment he had...

His hands moved up and down, trying to sooth Soh as he shrugged his shoulders. "Kai has a tendency to say a lot of things he shouldn't," he narrowed his eyes, his lips pursing as he asked, "but what did he say to make you so upset?" She wasn't the kind to leave tension or disagreements unresolved - particularly with someone so close to Flora - making him all the more concerned for what the man might have said that bothered her even now.

I love you with everything I am,
everything I've been,
and everything I hope to be.

Your past and mine are parallel lines

Soh had never been one to hold grudges, that much was true, but her opinion of Kaisel had so thoroughly fallen after their disagreement, and after learning what had been said to Zavien, that she wasn't sure that their relationship could recover. Perhaps her mistake had been in thinking they were friends, when maybe Kaisel was destined just to be her best friend's husband, someone she could be polite to in passing but would never be able to truly trust again.

Zavien placed his hands on her shoulders, grounding her in the present, pulling her out of the argument with Kaisel that had led her here. She reached up to place a hand over one of his, squeezing gently. It probably was more to do with Zavien than with her, but she just wished that Kaisel had thought before he spoke. But it seemed that he had a history of failing to do just that, and if she'd known that beforehand... she never would have told him about Zavien at all.

As Zavien began to run his hands up and down her arms, Soh's hand dropped back to her side. At his question, she swallowed hard, doing her best to figure out a kind way to repeat Kaisel's words and failing to come up with anything. "I said I was dating you, and he said..." she paused, heart beating faster as she realized there was no way around it. "... he said that you'd moved on fast after Lena died." And more than that, the way he'd said it, like Zavien was somehow in the wrong for holding on to what little happiness the world had seen fit to grant them... all of it had felt wrong, abrasive - insensitive at best, and cruel at worst.

Stars all aligned and they intertwined

Zavien

Knowing how completely unhinged Kai could be, Zavien couldn't even guess at the words that would come out of Soh's mouth, but he had at least thought of the man as a friend once. Perhaps not someone he'd been particularly close to, but his best friend's kid cousin, someone to mess around with, to mentor, to rely on, someone to trust. 

That image shattered when she confessed what he'd said. He'd expected stupid. He'd expected hot-headed. He'd expected insensitive. But he hadn't expected cruel - least of all Lena's name after her tragic death. 

Something pierced deep in his chest, a wound so clean and accurately placed that he felt as if all the blood fled from his body, everything turning cold and distant, his heart slowing to a stop. 'You'd moved on fast' echoed as he stuttered a breath, trying to find reality again. 'After Lena died' mocked him, tearing the wound wider as he seemed to freeze, unable to move, unable to think beyond the pain of loss and guilt and utter betrayal. 

His monotone voice was distant as he spoke, a strained, automated response that didn't even register. "He really said that?" Zavien knew she wouldn't lie, knew that Soh wouldn't say something so heartless, but he could hardly believe Kai had either, and a piercing scream of agony began to grow in the depths of his heart, the whistle of a kettle crying for release, drowning out whatever happiness had come before.

I love you with everything I am,
everything I've been,
and everything I hope to be.

Your past and mine are parallel lines

Soh had known that this would hurt Zavien, but knowing it and seeing it were two different things.

He stared at her, through her, breath stuttering as he seemed to freeze in place, hands still fixed on her arms, deathly still and pale beneath the weight of her words. When he spoke, it was in a strained monotone, as though the words were physically painful to force out, and Soh felt tears gathering behind her eyes as she silently berated herself for having told him. A part of her knew that he deserved to know, knew that she couldn't have lied to him - but was this worse than a refusal to share, this pain that Kaisel had caused?

"Yes," she whispered, hands raising to tentatively cup his face. "But it's not true, Zavien." She was sure that it looked that way to some people, from the outside looking in, but the reality was so much more complicated. Zavien could love Soh deeply, and yet still love Lena, too. She knew he wasn't over her death, that he still struggled with so many things about losing someone he loved, things that no one else would have any insight into.

Love was complicated, built on shades of grey and swatches of screaming color. There was nothing simple about this journey that she and Zavien had embarked on, especially not now, and for Kaisel to have assumed to have any knowledge of Zavien's thoughts or feelings still made her furious. Besides, if Zavien had moved on quickly, wasn't the implication that, as Lena's friend, Soh had made a move too quickly, too? "It's not that black and white," she insisted, not sure what she could say or do to make this better, or if she should just let the feelings run their course.

He isn't leaving, she told herself, though there was an uneasiness in her chest all the same, as though this new information would make Zavien realize that he didn't want her, didn't want this, that he'd dishonored Lena somehow by choosing happiness over grief. But Soh stood her ground, refusing to back down as she watched him. She'd weather this storm, and any other, because she knew that, despite how things may appear from the outside, this relationship, their love, was right (albeit poorly timed).

Stars all aligned and they intertwined

Zavien

He knew her hand was against his face, knew from the way she stood and the faint echo of nerves that she was there comforting him, reassuring him that Kai was wrong; but it didn't make the words hurt any less. They cycled through his mind, a mantra of accusations that made him feel small and shameful, that cut so deep that he became numb to it. A chill settled heavy against his heart, aching in a way that only the cold did, biting and burning as it seared deeper than it was meant to reach. 

Zavien pulled in a shaky breath, his eyes falling under the weight of it all. His voice was a quiet whisper, nothing more than a confirmation that he heard her, even if hearing didn't eliminate the hurt. "I know." He knew that no one would understand how much he loved Lena, and no one would be able to understand how he'd come to accept his love for Soh. And that truth felt lonely. 

He went silent, an aching emptiness spreading where so much joy and happiness had been only moments before. It hurt, having someone think so little of him - someone he'd thought was a friend. It didn't matter that it wasn't true, didn't matter that he still mourned Lena, didn't matter that he knew Kai was an idiot. Kai had crossed a line. Whether he'd meant the words or not, Zavien wasn't sure he cared, but he found himself asking, wondering beyond reason if he'd ever really known the man. The question was flat, unfocused and held at arm's length as if the truth might hurt less from a distance. "Do you think his apology was genuine?" Was there even hope for someone like him? Or had Kai fooled him into thinking he was a young, reckless idiot in love instead of a cold-hearted bastard?

I love you with everything I am,
everything I've been,
and everything I hope to be.

Your past and mine are parallel lines

There was nothing more that she could do, nothing more that she could offer in this moment, and that, more than anything, twisted her stomach into knots, her dinner threatening to make a reappearance as she willed herself to stay steady, to stay strong in the face of Zavien's pain. She accepted her role in this, her mistakes that had led to this moment. Like Zavien, she'd thought Kaisel a friend, someone to be trusted, but now... now she wasn't sure she wanted to see him ever again, much less go on a double date with someone who could be so heartless, intentionally or not.

Her heart ached, the pain pinching into strain at the corners of her eyes. Zavien agreed that it wasn't as simple as Kaisel had made it out to be, but it was a distant acceptance of her words, nothing more. She wanted to reassure him, but she wasn't sure that anything she had to say wouldn't just make it worse. Instead, she watched him worriedly, thumbs gently stroking along his cheeks, trying to be a grounding presence while he sorted through the myriad emotions that she was sure warred beneath the surface of the cold, distant exterior.

"I don't know," Soh whispered, wishing that she could say without a shadow of a doubt that Kaisel had meant his apology. But given that it wasn't the first time he'd taken aim at Lena - even worse now that he had done so after her death - she had to wonder if he'd spoken true. And even if he had, wasn't it bad enough that his first instinct had been to be cruel rather than to measure his words? "I don't think I know him well enough to be able to tell. I hope he meant it, but..." But she couldn't be sure.

Biting her lip, she considered the series of events. It had been a while since they'd argued, since she'd told Flora about it. Maybe Flora had prevailed upon Kaisel to make up with her best friend. Or maybe he'd come to his senses, and his desire to make it up to her was real. She didn't know, and that made her more nervous than not to accept his invitation - if there was even the option, after this conversation with Zavien.

Stars all aligned and they intertwined