[Training] boy drama is sillier than a drama llama

Zavien

Kai's shout draws the eyes of the people around them but Zavien's too focused on the injury, the festering wound that's being debrided for all to see, the hurt that seems to bounce between them in mounting strength. 

His sword connects with Kai's, the battle of wills mismatched by purpose. He doesn't press an advantage or try to shove again for fear of further maiming, simply holding his ground through the onslaught of reasoning, looking for an opening to heal. "A threat is a threat, Kai - whether you planned to act on it or not. How was I supposed to know you wouldn't? You didn't tell me that." He'd just found out that Kai had betrayed his best friend. The fiery temper could have easily burnt away reason, leaving only malice and anger in its place, willing to turn everything to ash in its fury - friend or not. Nothing about their interaction had given Zavien any reason to think he'd spare his or Lena's feelings when Koa had been his first victim. 

Like a tension cord finally overextending itself, the force of it all snaps. The lesser sword shatters, the sudden lack of resistance attempting to pull him into Kai. It takes every bit of strength to pull against the momentum, and he nearly stumbles back on his ass to keep from making a Kai kabob.

When he regains his balance a step away, his breathing is shallow, wanting desperately to reach out again to take away the pain he'd caused, to fix what's been broken. But Kai doesn't invite him forward, and his eyes - though lined with pain - are clear in their rebellion. 

It's a rejection that stings, the fight quickly dragging his sword tip into the sand, his voice becoming a near whisper. "It was never something I didn't appreciate, Kai." He'd told Flora as such. Zavien understands wanting to protect someone he loves - it's at the very core of his being. And yet, he can't deny that he hadn't understood the lengths Kai had been willing to go, the lies he was willing to spread. 

Lowering his head, he sheathes his sword, unwilling to brandish it again, to risk more wounds when there's already so much hurt. His eyes linger on the charred laceration, shame coloring his mood darker. "I'm sorry you thought you needed a threat to convince me to do something I already planned," he shifts his feet, resisting the urge to reach out again as he asks, "but can you really tell me it was an empty one?' When he looks to Kai, it's not with pain or anger, but with a deep disappointment for having misjudged a friend.

We wear our scars as proof

that we are still alive.

I'm never gonna quit, got my legacy set in motion

His hands are aimless without a hilt to encircle now. They flex and then curl in at his sides, grappling the air like he could squeeze the old frustration from it. Somehow, he keeps standing on the wrong end of an argument, routinely misunderstood for all his attempts to do things right. "What good would the threat have been if I told you it was hollow?" He lifts his head, chin angling up, resolve his last shield now. "I was up there to help Stormbreak. To settle things with Koa. I was not asking you to do anything more but wait, but you wouldn't even spare me that, touting honor in place of sense." He swallows, mouth suddenly dry as the memory of it curls unwelcome and clear in his mind. Perhaps he should call Flora here, play it out for each of them. Maybe he'd been more monstrous than he remembered, and he'd be served by the sight of it, but equally, Zavien should see how stiff he'd been about the matter.

The doubt continues, even now, and that settles like a fresh wound alongside the older ones. That a man he's grown up alongside for his later years can still believe the worst of him is telling, the distance between them no longer seeming suitable to measure in seasons. "How can you hold Koa in such high esteem and me with so little?" The words come out more plaintive than he'd intended, something young and raw exposed beneath. It's a childish sense of injustice, of longing, writhing alongside the hurt. All his life spent trying to fit his feet into the shoes of others, only for it to fail this spectacularly.

"You know me, Zavien!" One of his hands cuts out in front of him forcefully. It hangs in the air for a moment before it curls in on his chest, breath heaving. Wherever Koa had gone, Kaisel had not been far, chasing his cousin's shadow like he could eventually catch it. The years that separated them meant Kaisel was always behind though, and maybe Zavien would only ever see him as the immature tagalong, even still. "Especially now." The amber of his stare blazes upon Zavien, molten with the outrage of being found wanting time and again. "Can you really stand there, having done the exact thing I did, and claim you don't understand?"

Kaisel

So welcome to the fire, I'm the one with the lighter

Zavien

Kai seems determined to avoid admitting that he would have told Lena a lie if he believed Zavien had betrayed him, and that - along with the blatant misunderstanding of his intentions - grates at his composure. His empty hands clench at his side, jaw sharpening beneath the force of his frustrations. His voice rises in answer to Kai's accusations, control shredding beneath an argument that he'd thought over. "Why do you keep making it sound like I was going to find and tell Koa everything?!"

By this point, a few people are leaving the sparring ring, deciding that it might be best if they're not here for this discussion, especially as Zavien appears to lose some of the guilt that had kept his anger at bay. "I didn't want to lie to him, but that didn't mean I wasn't going to take every other possible step first. Me telling him would have made things worse, not better, and I already apologized for not making that clearer!" And yet, Kai continues to shove it in his face like it's a valid reason not to own his threat.

The quiet question gives him pause, anger stuttering as a laughing kid overlays on the image of a man who's hurt him. It's like a mocking picture of how they used to be, the jovial visage of someone he'd thought would never be cruel or heartless enough to intentionally cause harm - even if he managed to pull it off unintentionally with impressive skill. But that kid has been replaced by someone consumed by love, a wild, unpredictable man backed into a corner, showing his teeth and roaring of all the ways he plans to use them. Nothing about this beast is familiar to Zavien, who thought Kai would rather take a beating than hurt those he cares about.

Shaking his head free of the illusion, Zavien lets out a sad sigh, conflict straining the sound in his chest. "Do I? Love changes people and you didn't even hesitate to start throwing threats around. You don't even seem to care now." That his threat hadn't been hollow, that he'd sew chaos just to prevent some of the damage on his pride. 

He purses his lips as Kai throws the comparison at him again. It's not lost on him how similar their situations are, and he reiterates that. "I do understand - why you fell in love, why you were worried about Koa, why you panicked when you thought I was going to risk that." His voice grinds out, emotions thick as he tries to get Kai to grasp the crux of Zavien's issue. "But I wouldn't have hurt a friend's relationship over a misunderstanding." He swallows, an imploring hand raising from his side as he explains, "How do I know the next time we argue, you won't go to Soh and tell her some absurd lie just to get back at me?"

We wear our scars as proof

that we are still alive.

I'm never gonna quit, got my legacy set in motion

Somehow, every explanation feels like another stone dropped into deep water, swallowed before it can reach the bottom. He keeps reaching for understanding only to find another accusation waiting in its place. Zavien's voice snaps out with more force than before, and Kaisel's head jerks back a touch. It lands no differently than another swing of the sword. The weapons have changed, but the rhythm hasn't; every sentence feels like another strike to catch, another opening to search for. "I hear your apology," he sighs, one hand flopping back to his side while the other scrubs at his cheek and chin. "I told you it takes a lot to say. But back then, I didn't have that yet, so I'm trying to explain why I said what I said."

"What you said, was you couldn't lie, and if Koa asked, you'd tell him. That sounded like a threat, so I answered in kind." His hands chop up the air in front of him, as if his voice needs the specific compartments to fit into in order to be properly received and digested. "Just like I didn't say then the threat was empty, you didn't say then that you telling Koa would be worse. That you would do most anything to avoid it."

When Zavien speaks again, Kaisel is startled into a fresh silence. The frustration sets between his teeth like a particularly tough strip of jerky, and as much as he works at it and works at it, it doesn't seem to be breaking down any better than when he'd started. "What the hell does caring look like to you then?!" he demands, holding Zavien firm with his gaze for a second. "I'm here, aren't I!? I'm wounded, but I'm talking to you!" The words leave him almost breathless. He can't think of another way to prove the point. He could've limped away the moment the sword bit into him, could've let the pain be an excuse enough to leave the rest unsaid. Instead, he's still here, aching while he's trying, apparently in vain, to convince someone he once admired that he isn't the monster they've decided he is.

Shaking his head sharply, Kaisel scoffs. "I didn't hurt a friend's relationship over a misunderstanding," Kaisel mutters, tone souring beneath the constant villainization. "Only you did that." Because if they'd been friends once, Zavien has made certain they aren't any longer.

Growing weary of being misunderstood at every turn, something inside him finally slackens. Every explanation only seems to return wearing a stranger's face, and he's running out of ways to say the same thing. Unwilling to endure more than he has to when it isn't appreciated, Kaisel slowly starts to shuffle and limp back towards his bag and his healing water. "How can you trust anyone won't do that?" he demands back, one shoulder lifting and shrugging away the implication that he's out to dismantle every piece of Zavien's life. How quickly a single mistake could become the only portrait someone bothered to keep. It doesn't seem worth comparing their taste in art any longer.

"You're asking for proof the threat was empty, but you're the only one that's filled it up. I didn't tell Lena shit." He glances back over his shoulder at Zavien, gaze darkened with the fierce certainty he sets down. "And if I meant to, I would have." Not sure anyone on Caido could accuse Kaisel of keeping his mouth shut.

Kaisel

So welcome to the fire, I'm the one with the lighter

Zavien

The exhaustion of Kai's response drags down some of his angry outburst, but he can still feel it beneath the surface, simmering and reaching a heat that's stronger than the day they first argued. This is born of more than heightened emotions and initial pain, but a deep-seated hurt of needing to hear that Kai is still the person he thinks he is - and being denied that at every turn. It's a frustration at trying to reconcile what's being said with what he thought he knew - of what he still wants to believe deep down.

"I know why you said what you did, but I did say that I wanted to avoid it, that I wanted you to be the one to tell him. I might not have said it well, but I did," he reasons. And yet Kai had been too worked up to hear him or care. Zavien understands being hotheaded and hardheaded and bullheaded and all the manner of indecipherably illogical reactions, but why can't Kai seem to get that understanding doesn't make it hurt any less?

He falls silent under Kai's gaze, the fire of his anger banking when he meets his eyes, reminded again of the wound he's inflicted. And yet, Zavien can't argue that Kai is still here, even if he flips his words back on him, casting shade like he has a vendetta against sunlight. He doesn't argue how it took two people to screw things up, or how it hadn't been their relationship he'd been referring to. It's a vicious cycle with no relief, an ongoing battle that's fought with questions rather than answers, ones that he can't always answer because how can he trust someone if not by their actions? Kai didn't tell Lena, he didn't withhold help when it mattered, he's here, trying to be understood. Other than the words he'd said in the heat of the moment, Kai hasn't given him a reason to believe he's actually a bad person.

"You're right."

The words land on Kai's back where he's turned away, where he can't see the slow decompression of the tension he holds. "I just - " It's hard to explain why seeing their interaction had felt like betrayal, but he tries, nonetheless. "It hurt, Kai. You've always been like a kid brother, someone I didn't think would ever say something like that. And now..." he shakes his head, still trying to reconcile the harmless, impulsive kid he used to know with the man before him, ready to protect those he cares about. He's always seen a lot of himself in Kai - maybe too much.

His head hangs, his voice quiet as he releases any lingering animosities. "I guess we're just two idiots with big mouths and too much to lose," he lets out a sigh that's heavier than the weight of the world, containing all the grief and unspoken frustrations, "and I'm done losing people."

We wear our scars as proof

that we are still alive.

I'm never gonna quit, got my legacy set in motion

Flora's ability would be helpful, because honestly, Kaisel probably didn't hear everything Zavien had to say, or didn't hear it right, too focused on the few things he did hear all too clearly and didn't like. At this point though, he's no longer trying to argue the specifics of their exact phrasing, and he can relent that Zavien is probably right with his correction.

That doesn't do much to dull the scrape of being asked time and again to prove the threat was empty when nothing had ever come of it, when he's said as much a dozen ways, when his hands are spread wide and remain clean. It's why he decides there's no sense in enduring injury just to argue this point, because clearly it won't be over soon if they still misunderstand each other so thoroughly.

So he thinks, until the glimmering, golden phrase of you're right hits him on the back of the head. It's enough force for Kaisel to stop in his tracks, standing, wavering for a moment as he tries to ensure he heard it right, replaying it in his head like an echo he's caught. Kaisel doesn't often hear those words, so it's easy to think he's misheard. He glances back at Zavien over his shoulder, certain he'd see the man's features still contorted in a way that was telling him how wrong he was, not right.

He finds someone grappling with hurt though, the anger only ever armor over it, the tension and the bearing down on phrasing all an attempt to not be hurt so cleanly again. Kaisel can understand that. "Getting my water," he explains as he finishes his stride towards his bag, slumping onto the nearest bench and fishing out the bottle of healing water as he listens to Zavien. Leaning to the side, he pours it slowly over the wound, wincing at the first contact, but the healing glow settles soon enough and stitches back his skin to something whole.

"Yeah..." he grunts out, leaning over his knees, both hands clasped around the jar. He lifts his gaze slowly from the floor where he's been considering, attention settling back to Zavien with a wariness born from how thoroughly he's played a role in this. That has never escaped him. "I grew up," he says weakly, a fragile smile slanting across half his face. "I got deep into shit for the first time. Love, like never before. Pressures and complications that I'd never dealt with... school and Dragoons don't train you what to do when your girlfriend's your cousin's ex and when she has a dangerous ex who almost killed you. Or when your ex burns down her bar." He huffs out a laugh, dry as a reed. "Or if they did, I guess I skipped that day."

He sighs, tilting the healing water back into his mouth, hoping it might stave off some of the exhaustion trying to settle too deeply in him. "We were trying to be really cautious about who knew, and when. For a lot of reasons." His lips scrunch to the side, not fond of particular memories around that time, even with the distance of time. "Sorry, I jumped from zero to a hundred on you. Shit was already really tense around all of that, but I should have handled that better."

It doesn't seem worth continuing to go over the wound though, whatever the apologies or the reasons. Smiling more surely at the notion they're both a bit stupid and loud, Kaisel shakes his head faintly. "Ain't that the truth." Capping his jar of water, he slips it back into his bag, and holds out a hand towards Zavien. If he takes it, Kai will draw him into a bro hug. "No one's getting lost here."

Kaisel

So welcome to the fire, I'm the one with the lighter

Zavien

"I grew up." Zavien nods his head at the statement, having realized that truth himself, and struggling to blend it with the person he knew before. It's like realizing the puzzle pieces in his hands didn't match the outline he'd already put together, like he'd been focusing on the wrong parts the whole time. 

Some of Kai's confession help it to make more sense, to show him what had matured the boy into a man: love, conflict, responsibilities. And yet, as someone who had been a brother-in-arms and a mentor at times, he finds himself plagued by the guilt of not being a better friend, for leaving the young man to wrestle with these things alone. The Dragoons had done little to prepare any of them for the tribulations of real life, but Zavien speaks of more than training sessions when he shakes his head, his voice barely above a whisper. "We definitely didn't, but maybe we should have."

His gaze follows nearly every movement, flitting from Kai's hands to the wound to the now-empty perimeter of the ring, but his green eyes land fully on his face when the apology comes. There's no judgement mixed amidst the strain, no hatred amidst the guilt when he purses his lips. "I get it. I'm sorry I held it against you for so long. I haven't - " he cuts off, unable to put into words the stresses and anxieties that have stolen the peace he used to find so easily, how it's placed everything on the tip of a blade, every possible threat becoming that much worse. Zavien had never considered himself a pessimist, and yet, recent months have leant his thoughts to darkness and worst-case scenarios. It's not someone he wants to be. 

Settling on a simpler truth, Zavien runs a hand through his hair, the bit of sweat sticking the strands up at odd angles. He looks more tired than before, older than he's felt in a long time. "Things have been really hard, and I'd convinced myself I couldn't trust you anymore." His eyes meet Kai's again, regret painting his features dark. "That wasn't fair to you, and I'm sorry."

The smile that appears is nothing bright or joyous, but it still melts a bit of the fog he'd been seeing through, their commonality tugging quietly at the edge of his lips. But it doesn't quite break out to join Kai's, his eyes falling to the extended hand and the certainty with which he declares the future. "Yeah," Zavien says softly. He doesn't feel the same level of confidence as he used to - even if he knows how determined he is to make it true. He'd felt that same way about Stormbreak, about Lena. Just because he's going to do everything in his power to protect Soh and their daughter doesn't mean he'll be able to prevent anything bad from happening to them. But it doesn't stop him from taking Kai hand, from hoping that it might be true. 

He's surprised when the man pulls him into a hug, instinct making him stiff before he relaxes into the motion. It doesn't wash away his worries or resolve all the hurt between them, but it bridges some of the gap, making the chasm feel less daunting than before, as if he can see the bottom and understand all the monsters that roam there. 

Zavien stays in it for a moment before patting Kai on the back, still feeling awkward about it all, especially as his eyes flicker to the split in his pants. The skin might be clear, but he knows what the pain is like, and he visibly grimaces. "Sorry again about the burn. You're free to burn me back if it helps - or throw a punch or two." Gods know he deserves it after all this, and he tries to muster a facsimile of a smile, perhaps in joke or encouragement.

We wear our scars as proof

that we are still alive.

I'm never gonna quit, got my legacy set in motion

The idea that they should have had a lesson on all of that very specific shit causes Kaisel's lips to twist into a faint smirk. "Nah, I think I've learned it now. I'll do it better...next time." A faint shrug, because maybe he wouldn't have the exact scenario again, but he's positive it won't be all sunshine and rainbows from here on out, so there will be some kind of opportunity. Schooling might be over but the tests and the learning never stop.

Zavien lets through more of the honesty and exhaustion than Kaisel remembers seeing on him before. He, like Koa, ordinarily manages to look so put together and in control of things. His cousin might wear his heart on his sleeve a bit more, especially once he starts to flex under the stress of everything, but both men are much more adept than he is at covering up their mouths with a little bit of time to think. "You only worked tirelessly to rebuild a void-decimated city and then rushed to evacuate everyone to safety when it cracked and plummeted out of the sky. What's so hard about that?" His voice is entirely joking at this point, head tilted with a wry smile of understanding. "I'm not holding anything against you, shit's been a lot." Even with the Family gone, it feels like there'd been work to do still, repairs to be made, calm to be found again after it'd well and truly fled for so long.

It's easier for Kaisel to let go of the anger and the mistrust. He never wanted it anyway, and he can shrug out of it like a coat on a too-warm day once he's certain the earlier chill has gone. So hugging Zavien doesn't require much thought, and he's reassured when the thumps are returned. Parting only faintly, one hand still squeezing Zavien's shoulder, an honest laugh huffs loose now. "Nah, but I will hold you to that icecream scoop I mentioned earlier." His eyebrows lift in pointed expectation.

Kaisel

So welcome to the fire, I'm the one with the lighter

Zavien

He sincerely hopes there isn't a next time, but he's grateful nonetheless that they can agree to try better next time. After all, no one is perfect, and all they can do is try to be a better version of themselves than they were the day before. 

A smile slips through the cracks at Kai's joking, coming easier without the weight of pretense or misunderstanding. If they can't eventually laugh at the pain, it will slowly consume them, and Zavien will be the first to admit he hasn't laughed about it much recently. He tries leaning into the feeling, his smile widening when he adds to 'shit's been a lot,' "Too much, if you ask me." Admittedly, it's been more than he's been able to handle on his own, and even now, he feels somewhat disjointed, listless. Soh and the baby help - and patching things up with Kai - but he won't deny that he's still unsettled, trying to find where he fits into the schematics of the world again. 

When Kai mentions ice cream rather than violence, another piece of the wall crumbles between them. Zavien has to peel his fingers away from the guilt he holds, but when he does, he's embraced by the smile of a familiar face, grounded by the hand on his shoulder and the fragile bond that's being reformed. "Done."

[FIN]

We wear our scars as proof

that we are still alive.