darlin don't you see, I'm not satisfied till i hold you tight

KILLIAN

Killian hadn't really planned on going to the shrine today, it'd sort of just happened. He'd been in the glade, just exploring as usual, and after delving into the more hilly areas stumbled upon a craterous ring of stone, surrounded by candles and various other beautiful things. He knew offerings when he saw them, there had been many shrines for the sun goddess in the capital and he'd had to spend many a night praying at them. Blegh, praying was boring.

However something drew him towards this shrine today, maybe it was that he missed that divine presence, maybe he sought something bigger than himself, or answers to his questions. Maybe he just wanted someone to listen. It'd been weeks since he'd last prayed, and that had been in another world, to a goddess who rarely answered except in passing warmth. He knew not what would answer him here, if anything at all, but something inside him - which he would call curiosity but was blurred with hopefulness - brought him to the center of the ring.

The sun beat upon his back, a particularly hot day for spring. Killian stared down at the stones in the middle of the shrine, contemplating what the hell he was doing here. He stared for a long time, finally deciding it was not one reason in particular, but a culmination. If only the old Killian could see him now, doing the very thing he'd once groaned about.

With a sigh he crouched and then settled on his knees, pausing awkwardly for a moment as he tried to figure out how he was going to start this. An offering maybe? What did he have on him that might appease a god? The only thing he could think of was a cookie that he'd bought last night, that he hadn't eaten yet. Not a traditional offering, but if Killian were a god, he'd take cookie over sparkling trinkets anyday.

He pulled the delicacy out of his back pocket, where he'd been stashing it for later. Oops, it'd split to halves in it's wrapping. He held it in his lap for a moment, taking far too long in deciding whether or not it was worth it to lose his cookie. He took a deep breath and placed the paperbound pastry out as his offering, then with another sigh he closed his eyes.

"Hey, you guys," he started clumsily, wincing at how dumb he sounded. "No hold up, I'm starting over. So, gods of Caido, I don't have a lot to offer you, but I hope that you can hear me..." he said, then trailed off and ran his fingers through his hair. Taking his time now, "I've been here for a couple weeks now, and I'm settling in. Everyone I've met has been so unnecessarily kind to me, and to be honest I feel like I've lived more in these past two weeks than I ever did back home."

"So thank you, I guess, for this. But there are things I don't really get, and things I also miss. A lot. My nation was at war when I left, and I'm glad I'm not there to see it, but I want to know that my mom is ok. That everyone, really, is ok. I think if I could just know. That I didn't screw everything up." The last bit sounded as though there would be more, but there wasn't. Instead he stopped completely and opened his eyes, looking blankly forward as salty tears began to well and cling to his lashes.

run for the hills before they burn
listen to the sound of the world
don’t watch it turn

There was the distinct sound of laughter, almost like a child's. The grasses around the attuned billowed and breezed as if small feet were running through it and then suddenly the cookie was gone. Snatched away by invisible hands. A warm wind rushed through the glade, erasing the trails where this invisible spirit had come from, but still the sound of laughter persisted.

KILLIAN

Killian cried, for the first time since he'd first arrived. It started out as a seering behind his eyes, a silent trickle down his cheek. But when he realized that he was alone, that the gods weren't answering and he was alone, he dropped his head into his hands, his palms digging into his eyes. Warm tears streamed down his arms as he covered his eyes, his cry was more of a panic than a sadness. Deep and hurried breaths, afraid.

He was afraid of the damage that he had caused, the teetering world he'd left behind had counted on him. And he wasn't good enough for them. He hadn't been then and he wasn't now. He felt stupid, having hoped for reassurance from the gods when he knew there would be none to give. He was a failure and he was afraid because he could never go back and change it now. He could never apologize, never make up for all the spite he'd given. It'd seemed to make so much sense at the time, he really had hated them.

Or did he? He wasn't sure anymore, if he hated them for resigning him to a life he didn't want, or if he hated himself for not being able to simply comply. If he had just listened, and realized that it wasn't all that bad... but it was - but it wasn't. His head was swimming with contradictions, a frenzy of what was right and wrong and true and false and at the center of it all was a boy who wanted to curl up in his mother's arms and be held tight.

He was overwhelmed. He'd gone through this all in his head many times since he'd got here, everyone wanting to know who he was made out for a lot of self reflection. Many times he'd found himself on the verge of these tears, they'd been waiting ever since he'd first begun to realize what this all meant for him. Slowly he began to slip out of the fearful mindset, a single unrelated thought distracting him long enough to escape. Well since they didn't come at least I get to eat my cookie, was the thought, that pulled Killian back into the physical and present moment and allowed him to wipe the tears from his eyes.

The frenzy of insecurities died down, but was ever present as a little itch at the back of his mind, just waiting for him to reach a low point so it could resurface. But for now he was ok again. He shook his hands and took a deep breath, to release the remaining tension.

A faint smile returned to his features again as he reached for the cookie, but a sudden bout of youthful laughter drifted by. His eyes snapped to where the giggling came from, the grass parted as it neared, like someone was nearing, but there was no one there. Before he knew it, the spirit breezed past him, and in an instant his cookie disappeared. He turned his head, expecting to see the parting grass continue as it ran on the other direction, but a warm wind erased the trails and all that was left was the laughter.

Killian sat there for a moment, utterly confused and a little disappointed, a scowl on his face. Then, laughter, a true and hardy laugh escaped him. This had been... a very eventful visit to the shrine. While he hadn't learned anything, he somehow felt better. He'd gotten to cry, and well, at least someone was enjoying his cookie.

run for the hills before they burn
listen to the sound of the world
don’t watch it turn