The gentle way Remi spoke, reached forward...it pained Sam's heart. He wanted least of all to be pitied. Especially not by Remi and especially not for this, not for his failures from the past.
Remi said he did not want to be with anyone, but Sam thought that was likely a kindness manufactored for his benefit. Remi was handsome and had a lot of friends. It was clear to Sam he had suitors lined up out of the door, ones without neuroticises and complicated pasts, ones who didn't pause when they came to hard sentences or hide behinds books. "I only wish I could....fix it. If I could find a way to reverse it. ..If I ever do, I will. For me and for you." Not to hope to be with Remi again but to patch up the holes in his own experience.
He sighed and pulled his knees upward, unsure of what to do with his guilt. "...So...would you like to see me at...at all? I...I think I would like to still-" Sam steadied his voice, which threatening to dip into tears again. "--Be friends, see each other. Maybe...maybe we could um.." Suddenly he shook his head. "No, never mind."
Samuel
I tried to dance with the devil on your back
