From being an Abandoned who had rarely left the Hollowed Grounds, to embracing the call of adventure, to dying and being reborn first as an Ascended and then as an Ancient, Maea has gone through quite the amount of changes in her life. One thing remains common, though, in her attempts to find out just where she belongs; she’s always had a craving for knowledge which has brought her to so many places and to meet so many people here in Caido. We can’t wait to see what else is in store for her!
Congratulations, Maea!
Credits
Court of the Fallen was created in October of 2018 by Odd, Honey, and Crooked.
Skinning and hosting by the epically talented Kaons, and functionality fanciness by the coding magic of Neowulf. If you ever see either of them around, make sure to show them some love!
Remi nibbled his lip and nodded. He supposed he did understand, the way his body could fight off infections without him having to tell it to do anything. Now that Phoebe elaborated, it just seemed like he was focused too much on her wording, as it made it sound like her body made a conscious choice, rather than just went about its business.
Either way, women were beautiful and wonderous, but incredibly complicated creatures.
Remi tried not to appear as skeptical as he felt hearing such positive things about the deity who had so early on taking a dislike to him. He couldn't help but think about that day in the temple, of Phoebe's frantic screams and the way their clothes had been so mercilessly taken. Still he would take her at her word, and be thankful that Frey had seen fit to comfort Phoebe in...this strange way she was describing. "That sounds amazing, truly." He said with a shaky sigh.
"Is there anything you need though? Anything I can do?"
Table base by Sky!
Speaks with a thick Italian accent.
Force and magic can be used against Remi without permission.
Phoebe let her arms drop so she could curl her fingers around Remi’s hands, squeezing them a little. ”I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have mentioned it…I know you don’t like them.” she said quietly. She needed to be more mindful and briefly chastised herself for mentioning Frey at all. Remi had his reasons for being at odds with the deity, just as she had her reasons for having overcome her trepidation to find a peaceful relationship with them. She needed to better respect that, and would do her best to not bring them up again.
It was her turn to sigh though when he asked what he could do for her. ”There…really isn’t anything to be done.” she said quietly, frowning a little. Even what Frey had done, beyond fixing the physical hurts from what she had gone through, didn’t really do anything – nor had they promised it would. It was but a momentary distraction from reality, a reprieve, knowing it would only last so long. ”I’m just…I was so happy, Remi. I wanted them so badly.” she said, looking up at him, eyes glassy with tears she was trying not to shed. ”And now I’ve got to tell Emmett that another someone he cared about is gone, and it’s my fault…even if it wasn’t something I wanted to happen…” she said, her voice cracking a bit near the end, because it was true. It was her fault in a sense, her body was the one that failed, the reason that she miscarried somehow stemming from some uncontrollable mechanism that came part and parcel with being female.
She reached up and roughly wiped at her eyes, pressing against them with the heel of her hands briefly. Back to Remi’s question though – was there something she needed? Something he could do? ”I feel like I don’t know anything anymore.” she whispered.
Cause getting your dreams
It's strange, but it seems
A little - well - complicated
There's a kind of a sort of : cost
There's a couple of things get: lost
There are bridges you cross
You didn't know you crossed
Until you've crossed
And if that joy, that thrill
Doesn't thrill you like you think it will
Still, why am I not happier?
"No, it is alright." The alchemist replied with a gentle shake of his head. That Phoebe was alright was all that mattered to him, even if it came at the hands of Frey.
"No—" Remi interrupted, returning the squeeze of her hands but shaking his head with a confident no. "It was not your fault. Like you said, your body knew it was not ready. That is nothing to apologize for." He added softly, eyebrows knit into an arch of concern. "And...Emmett will understand." Remi finished, teeth clenching softly at the thought. If the alchemist got so much as a whisper that the boy had been unreceptive to what Phoebe was going through, not even Vai would be able to stop him then. Still, despite his skepticism about the boy, Remi rather did think that Emmett would do the right thing.
Pulling her hands away and gently wiping at her eyes with fingers that had suddenly become feathers, Remi smiled adoringly at her despite the redness, puffiness, and tears. "What is 2 + 2?" He asked gently, his smile loving and kind.
Table base by Sky!
Speaks with a thick Italian accent.
Force and magic can be used against Remi without permission.
Phoebe sniffled and nodded as he interrupted her. He was right. She knew he was right – he even used her own words to support his argument. But of course, knowing it was true, and feeling it was true were two separate things. ”Then what do I say if not an apology?” she said quietly. There were no words to describe it. Apologies indicated guilt. Simply acknowledging it occurred seemed far too cold. Frey said they made words for things they could not understand, and yet she found none yet existed for this instance. Perhaps it was so beyond a human’s understanding that they could not even fathom new words for it.
That Emmett would understand…well that she also agreed with. She nodded, looking at the ground. ”I know he will it just…I just don’t want to give him more bad news.” she said quietly. He had had enough of that for many lifetimes. It wasn’t that she thought he would hold it against her – though in a way she wouldn’t blame him if he did either, it was a very complicated thing she felt about it – or that she had never broken such awful news to someone before; she simply didn’t want to. She wanted to give good news. She wanted things to be right and good.
Remi’s question brought her brain to a halt though, seeming out of the blue. She blinked, staring at him in silence as she tried to decide if this was some sort of trick question. ”Four.” she said with a sniffle, staying still as he wiped her tears away with delicate feather fingers.
Cause getting your dreams
It's strange, but it seems
A little - well - complicated
There's a kind of a sort of : cost
There's a couple of things get: lost
There are bridges you cross
You didn't know you crossed
Until you've crossed
And if that joy, that thrill
Doesn't thrill you like you think it will
Still, why am I not happier?
"You could scream about it, if you wanted." Remi offered, half joking, half serious. Yelling often did help; just getting all the feelings out. It was even better if you weren't yelling at someone. And it was Phoebe's house after all. She could scream about whatever she liked here.
"That is life." Remi assured the midwife, smoothing down a bit of her hair and gazing at her adoringly, wishing that he could take the burden away from her—and Emmett too.
His smile widening, Remi leaned forward and pressed a kissed gently to her forehead before pulling back with a triumphant grin. "There you see? You do know things." He said with a loving chuckle.
Table base by Sky!
Speaks with a thick Italian accent.
Force and magic can be used against Remi without permission.
Phoebe smiled a little and shook her head. No, yelling wasn’t going to help. Not at this point anyways. ”I appreciate you trying.” she said. She would just end up repeating herself, and ending at the same conclusions, which would lead to frustration. She was at the point where she simply had to wait for the ache to stop aching, for enough time to pass that new things took precedence for her attention.
Again, she nodded. Indeed, it was life. Life was hard and it always would be, even with glimpses of ease and happiness filled in between it all. A question arose in her mind and she glanced up at Remi, briefly biting her lower lip. ”What did you think of Emmett? It was the first time you met him, right?” she asked. She didn’t need his approval per se but…she would like it. She wanted it. She hoped they got along, both being integral to her life, inextricably important to her happiness now.
A small laugh escaped her lips. ”Oh no, if me knowing things comes down to arithmetic at a certain point we are going to be in trouble.” she said, mostly as a joke. She was quite good at basic math but beyond that she needed a pen and paper to figure things out.
Cause getting your dreams
It's strange, but it seems
A little - well - complicated
There's a kind of a sort of : cost
There's a couple of things get: lost
There are bridges you cross
You didn't know you crossed
Until you've crossed
And if that joy, that thrill
Doesn't thrill you like you think it will
Still, why am I not happier?
Some in Remi's position might have lied, or at least made the truth slightly more easy to hear given all that Phoebe was currently going through. But lying had not normally been in Remi's toolbox, and though lately those standards had slipped he was making every effort to find the man he had once been.
Running a hand through his curls he regarded the midwife for a moment before sighing. "I think his heart is in the right place, but he has a lot of growing up to do." The alchemist began, thinking about how immediately defensive the farmer had been when Remi confronted him about Phoebe's pregnancy. "We all do I suppose. I told him he was an idiot for accidentally getting you pregnant. He did not like hearing that." The alchemist shrugged. He did think the boy was an idiot. Phoebe too. But the least the boy could have done was owned up to his mistakes.
Remi chuckled and shook his head with a grin. "You know plenty of things. No one knows the things you are worrying yourself over."
Table base by Sky!
Speaks with a thick Italian accent.
Force and magic can be used against Remi without permission.
Phoebe's whole person seemed to slump at his words. Her shoulder slouched, her expression fell, she figuratively wilted before his very eyes. His heart is in the right place, but.... She looked down, briefly turning away from Remi to go pour them both tea. She couldn't remember if he said he wanted it, but he was going to get it now. If he took the cup she offered him, he would find it a spicey blend, something warm that warmed from within in a comforting way.
"I don't think most people like being called idiots for any reason." she said quietly with a light shrug, sitting on one of the overstuffed couches. Phoebe crossed her legs under her, staring into the cup. "He is a bit sensitive about being considered stupid because he has no formal education though." Again she shrugged a little. She was defending Emmett but not particularly fervently. Not because she didn't care but because she didn't believe it would do anything to change Remi's mind. "We could have taken more precautions. I won't make excuses for that but...I was really happy. I told him he didn't need to help either, he could just walk away and deal with his siblings and the farm but he stepped up when I counted." she said, nearly mumbling by then.
"But you don't really care for him, do you?" she said more pointedly, glancing at Remi again.
"Not many, anyways." she said with a small smile as he complimented her knowledge set. As far as she knew she was the only formally trained midwife around.
Cause getting your dreams
It's strange, but it seems
A little - well - complicated
There's a kind of a sort of : cost
There's a couple of things get: lost
There are bridges you cross
You didn't know you crossed
Until you've crossed
And if that joy, that thrill
Doesn't thrill you like you think it will
Still, why am I not happier?
Remi watched the way Phoebe deflated, but she was gone—busying herself intentionally it seemed with the tea—before returning it to him. Blowing gently on the liquid, for a moment Remi simply took a deep breath inhaling the scent of it. He closed his eyes, pretending that they were home in Northwind—not that he'd known Phoebe then, but nevermind—during much, much simpler times.
"No, I am sure they do not." Remi said, exhaling the breath he'd been holding as his eyes softly opened. "But that does not make it any less true." He added, following and sitting down next to her on the couch. "And it does not take a formal education to know not to get someone unintentionally pregnant. He is a farmer after all and has siblings. It is not like he does not know how these things work. And—" He said tilting his head slightly and giving Phoebe a very brotherly raise of his brows, "—it is not like you do not either."
Listening to her, Remi nodded. Hearing it didn't surprise him. Emmett did seem like the step up and do the right thing type. But there needn't have been anything to step up to, had they both been thinking. "You want children?" He asked, with no hint of judgement in his voice. "Now?"
Looking down into his cup, Remi shook his head. "I do not know him, and there are very few people that I do not like." He said with a gentle chuckle. "But I did not have much of a chance to get to know him before he stormed off."
Table base by Sky!
Speaks with a thick Italian accent.
Force and magic can be used against Remi without permission.
Phoebe tilted her head side to side, as if she sort of agreed but not fully. "Reckless, I think, is more fitting than stupid. Less directly insulting anyways." she said quietly. She didn't think Emmett was stupid. She didn't think her pregnancy had resulted from stupidity. It resulted from recklessness, from living in the moment and not thinking ahead. But Remi clearly had some strong feelings on it. Her lips pressed together before she took a sip of her tea. It was far too hot, and it hurt her tongue and throat and continued to burn in her stomach - but it oddly relieved some stress. "You say that like it's something I am supposed to regret." she said before looking at him again.
He called her out and she continued to hold his gaze steady, not flinching away, not becoming embarrassed or sorrowful. "You're right. I did know better. But I didn't care. I wanted that baby, accident or not. And so I subconsciously decided to live in the moment and risk it, because the consequences weren't consequences, they would just be life. A gift." she said calmly, sure of herself, sure of her answer. For once, what she felt matched what she thought. Where Emmett had grown angry under his criticism, Phoebe felt an unusual sense of calm and confidence, whatever disapproval he might have for how it all came to be rolling off her back like water on a duck.
"I want children whenever." she answered without hesitation. She looked back at her cup of tea contemplatively. "Ever since I was little I wanted to be a mother, always wanted a whole brood. My parents joked I'd only be happy if I ran an orphanage so I could adopt them all and have my own." she said, a small smile curving her lips at the memory. "You probably think that's stupid too." she added quietly, looking at him from the corner of her eye.
"Well, you did call him stupid. But that was an immature reaction." she said with a small smile. They both had made missteps she thought. Remi wasn't a rude person, insulting people willy nilly, and Emmett was too responsible to call immature as a blanket assessment. "Could you give him a chance? For me?"
Cause getting your dreams
It's strange, but it seems
A little - well - complicated
There's a kind of a sort of : cost
There's a couple of things get: lost
There are bridges you cross
You didn't know you crossed
Until you've crossed
And if that joy, that thrill
Doesn't thrill you like you think it will
Still, why am I not happier?
"I never said stupid." Remi clarified softly. "Not regret, no. But something to take owernship of. Both of you are acting like just because you would be okay with the outcome means the act itself is somehow okay. But bringing a life into this world is not something that should just be accidental if it can be helped." As the unwanted son of a man who had many unplanned children, Remi did have strong feelings about it.
Perhaps that's why he couldn't bring himself to look at her as she so brazenly said maybe it hadn't been accidental, just not discussed. Setting his cup of tea down carefully on the table, Remi bit the inside of his lip considering his thoughts carefully. "Did Emmett feel the same?" He asked finally, eyes still fixed on the table.
Her own childish question merely solicited a sigh from the alchemist, who rubbed absently at his forehead. "Of course I do not think it is stupid, Phoebe." He answered wearily.
"Yes, I do think him an idiot for potentially getting a girl pregnant while he is raising his younger siblings and when only days before you two were all but broken up over what was apparently a misunderstanding." Remi clarified again. "It does not matter that each of you would do the right thing after, it does not even matter that you were apparently okay with the consequences. From his point of view, it should have been something he should have taken more care with all things considered."
Table base by Sky!
Speaks with a thick Italian accent.
Force and magic can be used against Remi without permission.
Stupid. Idiot. Were they not one in the same? But she let it go, not wishing to argue semantics. ”How would you like me to take ownership of it? By saying yes, it was idiotic, I shouldn’t have let myself get carried away in the moment and been more careful? I shouldn’t have been so happy finding myself unmarried, uncommitted, alone and pregnant? You can’t possibly say that I of all people would bring a life into this world on accident. They might’ve been made on accident, and if that is what so upsets you, I’m sorry. I truly am sorry I disappointed you. But if I did not want them, it could have been helped and no one would have ever known but me.” she said seriously, frowning at him. She was a midwife – bringing life into the world was what she did, but she also knew how to prevent it and had done so for clients before. It was a conscious decision to bring that child into the world on her own. What nature did after that had been outside her control.
Her eyes fell to her own cup, feeling angry suddenly but holding it in, the slight puff of her cheeks the only indication of her irritation. Why was it so wrong to have wanted her baby? Why was it so wrong to have been happy, whether it had been planned or not? Tears rose in her eyes and she quickly wiped them away. Was she also not supposed to mourn because they’d not been planned? ”I don’t know if Emmett felt the same. I can only speak to my truth.” she said with a quiet sigh. ”Whether Emmett wanted to help or not I would have kept the baby and I would have loved them…I do love them.” she said, voice hardly above a whisper.
But Remi continued on, repeating himself but in a different construction. She swallowed a lump in her throat, feeling the emotions well up. She didn’t have the mental fortitude to stand her ground for long, and Remi’s disapproval cut her deeply. ”It doesn’t matter anymore anyways. My baby is dead.” she said, her tone a little snipped. Phoebe took a shuddering breath, shaking her head. ”I’m sorry, okay? I’m sorry I’m an idiot and fell for an idiot and didn’t do things in any way that you would have done them or picked someone you would have picked. I’m so sorry, Remi.” she said, her voice tight as tears pulled at her throat.
Cause getting your dreams
It's strange, but it seems
A little - well - complicated
There's a kind of a sort of : cost
There's a couple of things get: lost
There are bridges you cross
You didn't know you crossed
Until you've crossed
And if that joy, that thrill
Doesn't thrill you like you think it will
Still, why am I not happier?
With a groan the alchemist shook his head, running a hand through his curls. "Yes, by saying it was idiotic." He grumbled. "Same as what I said to Emmett, but—" As she continued though, Remi fell silent. His pale eyes washed over her face with a silent sort in incredulity in what he was hearing.
"That is not the point." Remi said tersely, his accent thickening. "You do not get to just use someone to create a life. It should have been Emmett's decision as well. It is not just a plant or an animal to be taken care of, but part of him. It is not fair for you to make that choice without him, for what else is he supposed to say other than that he will help you care for it? But that does not mean he might want to so early in your relationship, in your lives." Remi ran a hand across his unshaven face for a moment to quell the quiver in his lip. "Creating life is not just your decision." He conclued unhappily.
However upset he migth have been, the emotion in Phoebe's voice cut him to the quick, silencing any further arguments he might have had. Softening immediately Remi scooched closer, reaching out his arms to enfold her against his chest if she'd allow. "It is not that at all. There is nothing for you to be sorry for, especially not for who you have fallen for. Besides," Remi said with a low laugh, "We both know that I have had terrible taste in men as of late."
Table base by Sky!
Speaks with a thick Italian accent.
Force and magic can be used against Remi without permission.
"You say that like I did this maliciously." she said a little offended. That hadn't been the case, truly. They had been reckless. The consequences had been the last thing on her mind in the moment, and when they did come to mind she just...didn't care. And frankly, she did think it was up to her to decide. "That just isn't true, Remi. Plenty of men walk away from women they get pregnant. Plenty of women walk away from children they bear. He could have done so. He wasn't obligated to offer anything and I accepted that. The timing wasn't what I would have preferred, nothing was as stable as I would have liked but I don't think anything is ever going to be again so I don't know what else you want me to say." she said frustrated.
Why did everything have to have rules? She just wanted to live and be happy.
And as frustrated as she was, she still curled against his chest, her breath coming in short gasps as she fought back tears. It was comforting to know that even as they argued, both clearly very strongly on different sides of the issue, that it boiled down to this - kinship formed in the blood of the covenant. And Phoebe did know his frustration stemmed from his concern for her, wanting the best for her, wanting to protect her, like the good brother he truly was. This was just one of those moments where there was no good clear cut answer. Too many emotions were twisted in, too many moral quandries - arguably that even they would never experience such an even in the same physical way likely complicated their views. "I'm sorry for snapping at you." she said quietly once she got her breathing under control. A short laugh did bubble up at his comment about his love life. "Has there been someone other than Sam?" she asked quietly.
Cause getting your dreams
It's strange, but it seems
A little - well - complicated
There's a kind of a sort of : cost
There's a couple of things get: lost
There are bridges you cross
You didn't know you crossed
Until you've crossed
And if that joy, that thrill
Doesn't thrill you like you think it will
Still, why am I not happier?
